Devastated, my mum passed away yesterday

[joanne30]

I'm sorry but I haven't been on the forum for a while. My mum passed away yesterday morning, I can't stop crying, she wasn't just my mum, she was my best friend. She has had a chronic illness for 35 years, and I have been there for her, throughout her illness. She's been my major support with my anxiety.
During the last few months, my mum's health deteriorated rapidly. She lost her mobility in her legs and was in chronic pain from head to toe with arthritis and oesteoperosis. She also had other serious conditions. My mum's been in a nursing home for the last two years, but she died in hospital, which was a blessing because she had the best care. It was a shock to get a phone call to say my mum's deteriorated, when we arrived at the hospital, the doctor told my dad and I that my mum's heart had stopped twice and they had to resuscitate her. He said that my mum wouldn't survive and it was my mum's final hours. We arrived at the hospital at 9.30 and she died at 10.10. My dad and I were with my mum when she passed away. The thing I can't get out of my head is that the doctors and nurses didn't close her eyes and mouth when she died, i don't want that to be my last memory of my mum.
Sorry for the long post, but I didn't know who else to turn to.

[BikerMatt]

Joanne, I'm really sorry for the loss of your Mum.
Take care of yourself at this difficult time xx

[clarisse]

So very sorry for your loss Joanne :hugs: Seeing someone you love pass away is so upsetting. Try to think of the good memories you have of her. T/c :hugs: x

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum, Joanne. You & your dad must be utterly in bits right now :hugs::flowers:

It's very raw right now but you will get through this in your own time as grief is so individual. In time you will be able to think about the good times and the last images of her will seem less traumatic.

It sounds you were very close and did so much for each other. She will always be with you in your heart and in everything you do because they are always a part of us no matter where they are. That transcends any physical barrier in life.

You were there when she needed you and that would have meant so much to her even if she couldn't express it.

Everyone is here for you to talk of vent if you need them.

[Katy_o]

I am so very sorry for your loss, Joanne. I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will lessen the pain that you feel right now. Just know that you are not alone. Come on here when you need to and I am certain there will always be someone around to listen and offer support, myself included. x

[pulisa]

I'm very sorry for your loss, Joanne. You must feel absolutely crushed, devastated and overwhelmed with grief.

I don't know why the nursing staff don't carry out these last respectful care duties. I have the same image in my head from when my Dad died. I think these images remain because we are traumatised and in shock. At the time you just can't really comprehend what has happened so your mind fixes on the visual..That's just my theory.

Your memories of your Mum will override this in time. You need to grieve now and you sound as if you were a wonderfully loving, caring and supportive daughter-all she could have wished for.

[MooCow]

Hi Joanne. Oh no that's so sad, and I'm very sorry to hear what's happened.

There are at least some positives that you'll think of in time, once the initial shock has gone. You were with her at the end and you looked after her for a long time, and she knew you were with her when she passed away. Those things are very special, so try to remember that even though it's devastating for you now.

Try not to think too much about the way she looked with her eyes and mouth open. I can understand how tough it would have been to see her like that, but try to think of how she looked the rest of the time, and treasure those happier memories more.

If you need someone to write or speak to, just ask, I'm a good listener. Take care Joanne.

Geoff.

[Carrie8484]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mum.

Grief hits you in waves, I find. She was well cared for until the end as you say and was obviously a strong lady to withstand illnesses for such a long period of time.

My grandad also passed away with his eyes and mouth left open and I often think about that image.
It seems common unfortunately but try not to let it 'mean' anything - she was asleep and resting and no longer in any discomfort.

Dont be afraid to ask for help either, there are grief counselling resources available too x

[Magic]

So sorry for your loss Joanne. I am sending you :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Fishmanpa]

Sorry for your loss. Loss my Mom New Years Day. Similarly, she deteriorated quickly. We at least had a chance to say goodbye.

Sending healing and as always....

Positive thoughts

[Buster70]

Hi , so sorry for your loss , it's hard to know what to say , I went through it with my dad and I have that image of eyes and mouth open , that was 17 years ago but I still think about him a lot and I know you will feel raw and numb right now , but we get through somehow and it won't be the only memory of her you will have the good memories of her as well as I do , there's no right or wrong way to deal with the grief just deal with each day as it comes , our thoughts are with you . X :hugs: