From Bowel Cancer to Brain Tumour - how do I stop this from taking over my life?!

[thepalequeen]

I recently started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to deal with my HA and my therapist made a really good point that though I spend so much time Googling symptoms of terminal illnesses, I haven't spent much time researching HA itself. This forum has made me feel a little bit better and understood already

I've always been an anxious lady, but since October I've started developing acute health anxiety that is completely consuming me. I started therapy because I know that I'm being irrational and have gotten to a stage where I'm really worrying about pushing my family and partner away because ALL I want to do is talk about my health fears and seek reassurance that only lasts a few minutes.

In the past four months I have convinced myself I have:

- bone cancer, because I was suffering from a bulging disc in my back
- bowel cancer, because I had constipation
- Cervical and ovarian cancer
- HIV (due to unprotected sex)

I'm also checking my body compulsively for signs of breast and skin cancer. I haven't slept properly in months. It's affecting my work, and my relationships, it's all I can think about.

Right now I have a weird headache that's not even particularly painful, it just feels like a ton weight is on my head- a lot of pressure. I've felt my head and have become convinced that there's a lump on top of it, even though my boyfriend says it just just the shape of my skull. And because I have eye floaters, I'm convinced even more that I have a brain tumour.

Deep down I know I probably don't- because I don't have any other symptoms other than a tight/pressured head and some floaters, but it's a daily, exhausting struggle trying to convince myself I don't have a tumour, or anything else. When I thought I had bowel cancer I spent £70 on a home test that could detect gastrointestinal bleeding and when it came back clear I felt so relieved and excited to start living a life that wasn't plagued by the worry of bowel cancer and then literally the SECOND I stopped worrying about that, I started getting this strange tense sensation in my head.

I know the chances are I don't have anything wrong with me, and these are just symptoms brought on by anxiety and stress. But I can't escape the worry that I'm going to die. CBT isn't working as well as I thought it would.

I'm sorry for typing such a long message- I'm just so aware that I have talked this to death with my family and boyfriend and they don't understand. I don't want to be this way- I just want to enjoy my life. I guess if anybody had any tips or coping mechanisms to share with me I would really appreciate it. Also my therapist said I shouldn't ask for reassurance but I would REALLY like to know I don't have a brain tumour. :unsure:

[Fishmanpa]

Also my therapist said I shouldn't ask for reassurance

You're asking how to overcome it and your mental health professional has told you one of the biggest ways. By seeking reassurance, you perpetuate the cycle. If you haven't already, ask about methods, techniques and exercises to help you better cope and break the cycle of reassurance seeking.

To me, being in therapy for anxiety and reassurance seeking is like a lung cancer patient continuing to smoke while getting treatment.

Positive thoughts

[WiredIncorrectly]

I've had testicle cancer. My Dad died in January from terminal bladder cancer.

I'd like to say that if you had cancer the chances are you would know. Cancer does stuff to your body that you wouldn't be able to ignore. My Dad for example spent months in pain thinking he had a stomach issue going on. Until the point he was rocking back and forth all day every day in sever pain.

He had warning signs long before he checked. He knew what it was, but was trying to convince himself it was something else.

First port of call is your doctor. When that's all clear stop worrying :p

8 years ago I was convinced I had testicle cancer. 6 years after that I actually did have testicle cancer. How mad is that. I'm not trying to worry you, but I am saying if you had cancer your body would tell you and you would know. In my case I caught it at stage 1. I had a rock hard testicle. I knew what this meant. I also had problems ejaculating and climaxing. And then one day during sex my nose bled for no reason at all. I also had a lot of fatigue. This wasn't the same as anxiety fatigue, or fatigue from meds. This was totally wiped out. I'd have one beer and need to go to bed to sleep. Lots of signs there that showed something wasn't right.

There are some cancer that don't give many symptoms, but if you're attributing any pain to cancer that pain would be persistent 24/7 and would not go away.

If you have no pain, and no unusual long lasting symptoms, chances are you're fine and over worrying.

Relax :) Life is too short for constant worry (I wish I could take my own advice).

[jessieblue]

Hi thepalequeen I completely understand how you feel. I am suffering a similar problem myself at the moment. Everyday a new illness or symptom, some are real too which is very scary, by that I mean real symptoms such as acid reflux and cystitis amongst other things I wont mention. So my mind is in a total whirl all the time there is something sinister behind these things. I have had cbt and counselling and thought I was getting better but one bad day seems to topple me back down again and the cycle starts again. I have put a lot of work into getting better and feel frustrated and sad that I am missing out on so much. Why oh why do we self sabotage when all we want is to get better? Sorry I am not much help but here if you just want a rant with someone who gets totally what you are going through. pm me if you like am always glad of someone to chat to. xx