clairesolo
25-02-17, 10:43
Hi everyone,
My name is Claire, I have a history of anxiety, panic, ocd and depression since i was a teen and im 34 now.
My anxiety comes and goes and mercifully panic attacks havent been to bad the last few years up until about a year ago when i had my second daughter.
When she was born i had really quite bad postnatal anxiety. I was convinced at 3 months that she had downs syndrome (she doesnt) and was in a right state.
I went to a very lovely gp who listened to me without scoffing and put me on sertraline and put me forward for a mental health assessment.
At the assessment, i was offered the choice of straightforward counselling or referral to the postnatal mental health support service. I opted for the latter as that seemed to be the bigger priority at the time.
Well, it was chased up a couple of times but nothing came to it.
I took the sertraline and started to feel better so i stopped taking it after a few months (i know :doh: )
I started to feel teary and having intrusive thoughts again whilst visiting my parents last week, not sure what might have triggered them if anything.
When i returned home, i dont know why i did it but i googled autisim signs in 12 month olds.
Since then its sent me into a complete spiral of terror.
I saw a gp on Tuesday who didnt really know anythin about autism so hes referred me to a paediatrician which could take months.
He's put me back on sertraline again and i had to beg him for some diazepam to function, he gave me 14x 2mg of which i have about 8 left til next month.
The diazepam is keeping me able to function without seizing up with panic tbh as it starts as soon as i wake up.
Ive not really been able to eat either so when i take a diazepam, in the time where i feel relatively ok, i can manage a weetabix or a can of that nurishment stuff, needless to say ive dropped about 6lbs in 4 days, im overweight snyway but it is leaving me feeling exhausted.
I do have support from some friends and neighbours which has been good.
My logical brain tells me if she is autistic, its mild as she does a lot of things such as reaching out for things, pointing to the kitty (she even said kitty yesterday) asking for her bottle (na na) etc, its just worrying that she doesnt repsond to her name and a few other things, and its those that my panic is latching onto.
I just wish i could shut down the physical side of this panic. Ive never had an episode thats lasted so long neither, usually things would last a day or two at most and usually resolved because i have fixed them, eg backing down in conflicts where i probably shouldve been sticking to my guns etc.
My husband is doing his best but i can see its hard on him too. He agrees with me that there is a mild at most autism but he wants to wait til the assessment before anything. He gets quite defensive and on edge by my panic because i think he doesnt really know what to do to help which must be frustrating i know.
We have an elder daughter who is 6 and she is just lovely. Many times when the anxiety has reached fever pitch, we've sat and played minecraft together and that helps a lot but obvisoulty dont want her to be my crutch.
I Know i have to take one day at a time but right now its very hard, at least without the diazepam it is, and i know that its not a solution but i dont have much else with support right now. Its not too bad with it being half term here as everyone is around me but next week itll be just me and my youngest for a lot of the day. I have got some baby groups in the area, so i will make an effort to get to them but i am worried about comparing my baby and also if people can see my anxiety.
Anyhoo, that my situation, any help would be appreciated xx
My name is Claire, I have a history of anxiety, panic, ocd and depression since i was a teen and im 34 now.
My anxiety comes and goes and mercifully panic attacks havent been to bad the last few years up until about a year ago when i had my second daughter.
When she was born i had really quite bad postnatal anxiety. I was convinced at 3 months that she had downs syndrome (she doesnt) and was in a right state.
I went to a very lovely gp who listened to me without scoffing and put me on sertraline and put me forward for a mental health assessment.
At the assessment, i was offered the choice of straightforward counselling or referral to the postnatal mental health support service. I opted for the latter as that seemed to be the bigger priority at the time.
Well, it was chased up a couple of times but nothing came to it.
I took the sertraline and started to feel better so i stopped taking it after a few months (i know :doh: )
I started to feel teary and having intrusive thoughts again whilst visiting my parents last week, not sure what might have triggered them if anything.
When i returned home, i dont know why i did it but i googled autisim signs in 12 month olds.
Since then its sent me into a complete spiral of terror.
I saw a gp on Tuesday who didnt really know anythin about autism so hes referred me to a paediatrician which could take months.
He's put me back on sertraline again and i had to beg him for some diazepam to function, he gave me 14x 2mg of which i have about 8 left til next month.
The diazepam is keeping me able to function without seizing up with panic tbh as it starts as soon as i wake up.
Ive not really been able to eat either so when i take a diazepam, in the time where i feel relatively ok, i can manage a weetabix or a can of that nurishment stuff, needless to say ive dropped about 6lbs in 4 days, im overweight snyway but it is leaving me feeling exhausted.
I do have support from some friends and neighbours which has been good.
My logical brain tells me if she is autistic, its mild as she does a lot of things such as reaching out for things, pointing to the kitty (she even said kitty yesterday) asking for her bottle (na na) etc, its just worrying that she doesnt repsond to her name and a few other things, and its those that my panic is latching onto.
I just wish i could shut down the physical side of this panic. Ive never had an episode thats lasted so long neither, usually things would last a day or two at most and usually resolved because i have fixed them, eg backing down in conflicts where i probably shouldve been sticking to my guns etc.
My husband is doing his best but i can see its hard on him too. He agrees with me that there is a mild at most autism but he wants to wait til the assessment before anything. He gets quite defensive and on edge by my panic because i think he doesnt really know what to do to help which must be frustrating i know.
We have an elder daughter who is 6 and she is just lovely. Many times when the anxiety has reached fever pitch, we've sat and played minecraft together and that helps a lot but obvisoulty dont want her to be my crutch.
I Know i have to take one day at a time but right now its very hard, at least without the diazepam it is, and i know that its not a solution but i dont have much else with support right now. Its not too bad with it being half term here as everyone is around me but next week itll be just me and my youngest for a lot of the day. I have got some baby groups in the area, so i will make an effort to get to them but i am worried about comparing my baby and also if people can see my anxiety.
Anyhoo, that my situation, any help would be appreciated xx