Ihavelostmymarbles
26-02-17, 19:30
I hate not knowing whether my symptoms are real or from anxiety! I sit here and worry, like what if it's an emergency? What if it's a new chronic illness? What if? What if? WHAT IF?
I know that pregnancy is harder than my body than it is for some people. I know this. I've experienced issues every time, and I've had to find ways to deal with things. I honestly don't think I'd have the anxiety that I have now if I didn't have kids. Don't take that as me not loving/wanting them because I love them and want them so much! All of this is because I don't want to leave them (die), and I don't want to give them an illness that will ruin their lives. Others with chronic illness issues don't really seem to share that fear with me. They still want things in life, like a family with kids. They have hope that they will get better, but I fear that I will get worse. I don't know how to be happy anymore. Maybe it's the hormones making this worse, but things were much easier for me to accept when my chronic illness symptoms were mild--now they are moderate. I'm miserable and I'm scared. The upcoming appointment for the cardiologist isn't helping either.
I know that pregnancy is harder than my body than it is for some people. I know this. I've experienced issues every time, and I've had to find ways to deal with things. I honestly don't think I'd have the anxiety that I have now if I didn't have kids. Don't take that as me not loving/wanting them because I love them and want them so much! All of this is because I don't want to leave them (die), and I don't want to give them an illness that will ruin their lives. Others with chronic illness issues don't really seem to share that fear with me. They still want things in life, like a family with kids. They have hope that they will get better, but I fear that I will get worse. I don't know how to be happy anymore. Maybe it's the hormones making this worse, but things were much easier for me to accept when my chronic illness symptoms were mild--now they are moderate. I'm miserable and I'm scared. The upcoming appointment for the cardiologist isn't helping either.