Mav
27-02-17, 23:47
I'm throughly dissapointed in myself that I'm back here again after a week, or over a week of decreased anxiety and just overall being able to handle the health anxiety better.
I had a terrible day, due to a few things going wrong and all of sudden I touch the swollen lymphnode again and I'm back to all those torturous thoughts of cancer etc.
Abit of Background: discovered swollen cervical node in December, got blood tests and chest X Ray, all clear. Doctor still wanted to refer me to the ENT because it was still present after 6 weeks, I still have no appointment so I'm just living day to day life with a swollen node in my neck.
So almost 3 months later, node is still present and shows no sign of going.
So anyway, I had a nap for about an hour, I woke up freezing and yet sweaty (not drenching) at the same time! That sort of started of some of the fear again, also my itchy scalp and wrist (where there has been a consistent rash present since summer) do not help the fear.
The nodes characteristics are what scare me the most, its position, it's funny shape. I also cannot figure out whether it's smaller or gone down. I've applied heat to it to see if it helps with swelling and it seems to not be sitting as outwardly as it was once but there is not a decrease in size it seems. Also, although it's soft, the doctor described it as "rubbery" although she added benign feeling at the end of her description, but rubbery is really quite the frightening term.
It also sometimes jump when I press on it. :/
I just want to calm myself down, I guess no increase in size or development of other apparent nodes is a good sign but it just doesn't feel enough to convince me out of the spiral I'm once again entering.
I'm going to post here and not Google at all after this post, I feel like I just needed to let this out so here it is.
Please if anyone just has some wise words or kind words, they would be most appreciated tonight of all nights.
I had a terrible day, due to a few things going wrong and all of sudden I touch the swollen lymphnode again and I'm back to all those torturous thoughts of cancer etc.
Abit of Background: discovered swollen cervical node in December, got blood tests and chest X Ray, all clear. Doctor still wanted to refer me to the ENT because it was still present after 6 weeks, I still have no appointment so I'm just living day to day life with a swollen node in my neck.
So almost 3 months later, node is still present and shows no sign of going.
So anyway, I had a nap for about an hour, I woke up freezing and yet sweaty (not drenching) at the same time! That sort of started of some of the fear again, also my itchy scalp and wrist (where there has been a consistent rash present since summer) do not help the fear.
The nodes characteristics are what scare me the most, its position, it's funny shape. I also cannot figure out whether it's smaller or gone down. I've applied heat to it to see if it helps with swelling and it seems to not be sitting as outwardly as it was once but there is not a decrease in size it seems. Also, although it's soft, the doctor described it as "rubbery" although she added benign feeling at the end of her description, but rubbery is really quite the frightening term.
It also sometimes jump when I press on it. :/
I just want to calm myself down, I guess no increase in size or development of other apparent nodes is a good sign but it just doesn't feel enough to convince me out of the spiral I'm once again entering.
I'm going to post here and not Google at all after this post, I feel like I just needed to let this out so here it is.
Please if anyone just has some wise words or kind words, they would be most appreciated tonight of all nights.