alang
28-02-17, 13:34
Hi guys, I'm new to this forum but want to start using it regularly as a source of support and to give support to others. I am in a really bad way at the moment and would appreciate any advice anyone can give.
The basis of it is that I have recently graduated university and so my boyfriend and I have been planning a trip for a long time before we come back and start our careers. Our flight is booked, we are going to Vietnam to teach English, having taken the appropriate courses.
This all seemed such a good idea, I've been excited for months. Now suddenly, the flight is on Monday (the 6th), and I can't sleep, keep crying, and have a horrible feeling. I feel really overwhelmed by my feelings and I'm not sure what's caused this sudden change of heart.
My main source of pain is leaving my family behind. Now, in the evenings with my parents (I've been living at home comfortably for 5 months), I'm recognising each moment as so special as it's going to be a while before I see that again and that seems to hurt me irrationally. My Mother and Grandmother have expressed how sad they are that I am leaving, and I am scared they will be depressed. I feel my Mum depends a lot on me for happiness as she doesn't have many friends, and I feel an overwhelming sense of guilty about leaving her. She does have my Dad, though. I am so comfortable here and leaving it, and not being able to give them a hug at the end of the day and see that they are okay and cheer them up makes me literally weep. I like how it is, being able to see them daily. They are my best friends in a way. I am a very sensitive person and I care about my family more than anything in the world, but I don't know if this is verging on unhealthy / dependant. They won't be here one day after all, my parents are already 60. What will I do then?
I have no idea why I feel these overwhelming emotions when others seem to go off and travel at this age having the time of their life. I have no idea whether this means I'm totally not ready, or if it's normal and I'd regret not going. I don't want to let my boyfriend down, and I know this is probably the only opportunity we will have to spend this sort of time together if we want steady careers.
The plan was to stay for 6-12 months and at this moment that seems so intense and so far away to me.
Can anyone offer me anything to put my mind at ease with these troubles? Thanks so much.
The basis of it is that I have recently graduated university and so my boyfriend and I have been planning a trip for a long time before we come back and start our careers. Our flight is booked, we are going to Vietnam to teach English, having taken the appropriate courses.
This all seemed such a good idea, I've been excited for months. Now suddenly, the flight is on Monday (the 6th), and I can't sleep, keep crying, and have a horrible feeling. I feel really overwhelmed by my feelings and I'm not sure what's caused this sudden change of heart.
My main source of pain is leaving my family behind. Now, in the evenings with my parents (I've been living at home comfortably for 5 months), I'm recognising each moment as so special as it's going to be a while before I see that again and that seems to hurt me irrationally. My Mother and Grandmother have expressed how sad they are that I am leaving, and I am scared they will be depressed. I feel my Mum depends a lot on me for happiness as she doesn't have many friends, and I feel an overwhelming sense of guilty about leaving her. She does have my Dad, though. I am so comfortable here and leaving it, and not being able to give them a hug at the end of the day and see that they are okay and cheer them up makes me literally weep. I like how it is, being able to see them daily. They are my best friends in a way. I am a very sensitive person and I care about my family more than anything in the world, but I don't know if this is verging on unhealthy / dependant. They won't be here one day after all, my parents are already 60. What will I do then?
I have no idea why I feel these overwhelming emotions when others seem to go off and travel at this age having the time of their life. I have no idea whether this means I'm totally not ready, or if it's normal and I'd regret not going. I don't want to let my boyfriend down, and I know this is probably the only opportunity we will have to spend this sort of time together if we want steady careers.
The plan was to stay for 6-12 months and at this moment that seems so intense and so far away to me.
Can anyone offer me anything to put my mind at ease with these troubles? Thanks so much.