PASchoolSyndrome
28-02-17, 14:05
I really am a huge hypocrite. It's SO EASY to give advice to other people in a spiral, urge them to treat their anxiety and their current self-diagnosed disease will disappear.
I'm currently finished with my lymph node obsession. I can proudly say I'm 98% confident in myself, my doctors, and everyone that my lymph nodes are so normal and healthy. Everyone once in a while I'll run my hand over them, accidently, and feel one and I'll get that rush of adrenaline, but it doesn't last and then I go on with the rest of the day (that's the other 2%). This no longer causes me hardly any, if at all, anxiety.
So I haven't made it a secret that I have cancer anxiety in the sense that I'm terrified and almost convinced I'll get it one day. I have really good days of "well that's life" and try to live as good as possible, and then other days.. like last night. I have costochondritis and my chest wall will hurt periodically throughout the day, mostly dull aches but sometimes can get sharp, but it makes me focus attention onto my chest. And now my anxiety can't determine if it's my chest or my breasts that's really hurting. Sometimes its obvious and other times it really does feel like my breast.
When my doctor diagnosed me with costochondritis he asked me if I had noticed any breast changes, I said no because I hadn't. But now.. triggered. I'm feeling for lumps (there aren't any) and tenderness (there is in the wall because of CC, also I keep poking). I saw him maybe 2 months ago and he gave me a full breast exam, didn't notice anything, and then at the follow up a couple of weeks ago he felt for lymph nodes in the area, and nothing. He didn't feel anything because there is nothing there to feel.
SO literally nothing but chest pain and now I'm focused on my breasts so much. I noticed some stretch marks that were never there before (I'm sure they literally just appeared as my anxiety flared up - WEIRD HUH???) and I'm convincing myself that its BC skin changes like dimpling. Man. I was just commenting to a poster about her HA and BC about how she needed to work on anxiety.. What a hypocrite I am!
I'm currently doing talk therapy, yoga (helps me SO much), and have lorazepam for when the anxiety rush is too overwhelming but I never take it because I can usually breathe/calm myself down.
I'm currently finished with my lymph node obsession. I can proudly say I'm 98% confident in myself, my doctors, and everyone that my lymph nodes are so normal and healthy. Everyone once in a while I'll run my hand over them, accidently, and feel one and I'll get that rush of adrenaline, but it doesn't last and then I go on with the rest of the day (that's the other 2%). This no longer causes me hardly any, if at all, anxiety.
So I haven't made it a secret that I have cancer anxiety in the sense that I'm terrified and almost convinced I'll get it one day. I have really good days of "well that's life" and try to live as good as possible, and then other days.. like last night. I have costochondritis and my chest wall will hurt periodically throughout the day, mostly dull aches but sometimes can get sharp, but it makes me focus attention onto my chest. And now my anxiety can't determine if it's my chest or my breasts that's really hurting. Sometimes its obvious and other times it really does feel like my breast.
When my doctor diagnosed me with costochondritis he asked me if I had noticed any breast changes, I said no because I hadn't. But now.. triggered. I'm feeling for lumps (there aren't any) and tenderness (there is in the wall because of CC, also I keep poking). I saw him maybe 2 months ago and he gave me a full breast exam, didn't notice anything, and then at the follow up a couple of weeks ago he felt for lymph nodes in the area, and nothing. He didn't feel anything because there is nothing there to feel.
SO literally nothing but chest pain and now I'm focused on my breasts so much. I noticed some stretch marks that were never there before (I'm sure they literally just appeared as my anxiety flared up - WEIRD HUH???) and I'm convincing myself that its BC skin changes like dimpling. Man. I was just commenting to a poster about her HA and BC about how she needed to work on anxiety.. What a hypocrite I am!
I'm currently doing talk therapy, yoga (helps me SO much), and have lorazepam for when the anxiety rush is too overwhelming but I never take it because I can usually breathe/calm myself down.