Hello

[louise34]

I've been browsing the site since the height of my anxiety back in 2013 using it as a tool for guidance and reassurance that I wasn't the only person feeling this way even though at my lowest points that's exactly how I felt!

My anxiety came out of the blue around xmas 2012, I understood my trigger was the death of my mother in law from breast cancer in 2011, but getting my head around the fact that the only illness I was suffering from was health anxiety was another story, I've had what felt to me very real and very scary symptoms and upon consulting doctor google each time I saw the word cancer staring back at me, numerous trips to the doctors and not getting the answers I thought I was going to hear resulted in sinking lower into depression and continuous doomed thoughts it got to a point where I couldn't be away from a computer just incase i needed to google a new symptom!! Finally the last doctor I saw gave it to me straight and said I needed CBT, the result of which I have managed to live my life for the last 2 years in some sort of normaiity with only the occasional anxious thought creeping in which I've been able to deal with.

The reason I have decided to post now is I have today been referred to a breast clinic after finding what I wasn't sure to be a lump, nodule, lobule or breast tissue about a month ago, it could be hormonal, it could have always been there, it could be nothing but my doctor as much as reassuring me that she's not worried, "it's moveable, smooth to touch and doesn't feel it's sinister "wants me to have a scan for my own piece of mind and I'm assuming as part of routine, I've had tears and some feelings of dread even those little 'what if 'voices started rearing their ugly heads again!! I'm desperately trying to remain focused and positive and determined not to go back to that horrible anxiety driven place I was in but I'm struggling a bit with what will be a short but testing waiting time.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS:)

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya louise34 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Fear-Not]

Hi Louise - my goodness you are BOUND to be feeling anxious because you have faced loss this way before and it is like your own worst fears creeping up on you. It is amazing that you have not locked yourself in the bedroom and refused to come out - so you must have made some amazing headway to be able to process these developments and write about them! And you just need to use that rationale to get you through your appointments. It sounds like the doc is already trying to reassure you that it is probably fine. In situations like this I find it useful to just think "the results are more likely to be fine than not fine" and then "even if they weren't fine I would probably still be fine". Anxiety means that we always let our heads go straight to the worst case scenario so just allow yourself to do that - and then talk yourself back out of it by thinking about how much more likely it is that you will be OK! Sending you big hugs though and remember to share your freak outs with friends and other supportive people - everything always seems more bearable when you remind yourself that you are not alone! :bighug1:
xx

[louise34]

Just waiting for the appointment date, keeping busy with work and family life, having a few tearful moments but trying not to let this interfere with normality!!

Thank you for your kind words and very rational advice my CBT has definately helped me see things from a more logical point of view, even though I know I will always have anxiety which I know in small doses is a good thing, I know the old me probably would have locked myself away from everything and everyone, sharing this with those closest to me is much more reassuring than keeping it bottled and they are all firmly behind me whatever the outcome.

STILL THINKING POSITIVE!!!!!:yesyes:

[louise34]

I just wanted to post an update.

I attended the breast clinic in Preston park Brighton which is a clinic dedicated to breast care, I had a morning appointment which helped because there wasn't too much time to think about it. When I arrived I was surprised to see so many women of all ages in the same boat as me and it was very reassuring, I didn't feel alone, there was music streaming and plenty of reading material to take away any anxious feelings I didn't wait too long to see the consultant she examined me and thought it was either tissue or a cyst but wanted me to have a scan just to double check, then go back and have a chat about the result after😕

The clinic is split over 2 levels so I went downstairs for the scan, the doctor I saw was very thorough and pointed out what she could see on the monitor, she said what I was feeling was a lobule there was a cluster of them but one was more prominent than the others she said she was happy it was nothing sinister and didn't see the need for any further investigation. When I went back to speak to my first doctor she explained further that all women have them and that it was a very common reason to be referred to the clinic, she gave me a very informative booklet which I will now refer to rather than looking on line, she also advised me to check my breasts 10 days after my period and in the shower preferably.

I found waiting for the appointment a little stressful at times, but I kept busy and tried not to prod the area or focus too much on it(I knew it was there, it wasn't going away!!) but the experience at the clinic was a very positive one and I came away feeling very reassured that I had been in good hands. If anyone is worried about something that just doesn't feel right get it checked out by a gp not the internet! I will live with this now as part of my breast make up but I now know what is normal for me too😄