I can do this *deep breath* .. hi :)

[Misdiagnosed]

Hi,

My name is Sam, I'm nearly 27 and I work within the health sector. It wasn't until last year that I really had no choice but to acknowledge I have a problem. I spent until then pretending life was great and working myself ragged .. because that's all I knew to do. It's taken both a counselor and psychologist to make me see I have problems with anxiety which actually lead as far back as my childhood.

Basically, January of last year it hit and came out to everyone around me really and myself that I was living a lie .. to me it all felt real, but it wasn't .. everything I dreamt about, thought about so deeply .. it all felt real. I was living in my head instead of in reality. It was the hardest thing to ever have to admit to, or even see and understand. I know that probably doesn't make much sense .. not much does make much sense to me, even now.

It appears I buried everything that was bothering me, hurting me, scaring me, etc, etc .. in doing so, I tipped myself over the edge. Apparently sometimes when things happen the mind does funny things but .. it's of little condolence to me now.

I've lost a lot of people due to this, friends, family, colleagues especially .. and even sending this to you all, admitting it .. even to total strangers is so darn hard. I know that mental health is real, as is all this, but people don't and wont accept that .. it's so isolating.

I'm still struggling with my anxiety, my emotions, I still feel 'indifferent' .. I don't feel happy, but I don't feel unhappy. I can't really explain it. I just don't want to be alone anymore. It'll be nice to talk to .. at least one person who understands the struggle.

Much love to you all,

Sam x

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Misdiagnosed and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[Misdiagnosed]

Thanks very much - I will do xx

[xBettyBoopx]

:welcome:Sam to NMP.

[Fear-Not]

Hi Sam - it's a huge step to be able to vocalise how you feel! Think of it this way! You getting to this level of realisation while you are still in your twenties! You have lots of time to work away at it and not let it disturb your life more than it needs to! You sound like me when I was that age - except I took another 20 years to realise that a lot of my difficulties have been down to a pretty bad anxiety problem. I have always been a workaholic and I think it is because I can never let my mind be still - or the demons get in!! I have always made excuses for my anxiety or tried to associate with other things that were going on life. I used to think I was 'over-reacting' to stuff but I wasn't really - I was battling a very genuine problem.

If there is one thing I have learned though it is that you can be happy AND have anxiety if you see what I mean. So don't lose hope - you are in a good position now because you kinda know where you are at - and there is so much help out there these days. I am slowly coming out from under a rock and telling people about my anxiety - I have always been really bubbly and fun loving so people can hardly believe that I have this problem.

I think it is about finding a balance - telling people enough that they understand you have anxiety but not telling people so much that you feel exposed.

Good luck - I'm sure you will find plenty of folk on here who can give you some top tips! I am hoping so too! xx

[Panicer]

Hi Sam and welcome. I think you'll find a lot of people on here will admit they've at some point hid or ignored their illness often for years and you'll definitely find them a friendly non judgemental bunch.

I for example think I knew for some/many years I was struggling with anxiety and I just hid it and hid from it, so that eventually I had what a layman like me would call a breakdown. I'm still fairly early in my journey to recovery and can completely empathise with the isolation that a hidden illness can bring.

However well done for telling people, that's a really big step. It's just my opinion but if someone then doesn't stick around when they find out you're ill how valuable an individual have you actually lost? I think embarrassment can often be the problem, not knowing what or how to say it? Maybe dealing with a patient can be fine but with a colleague more problematic? I've found most people I've told have eventually overcome their embarrassment and with 1 in 4 of us suffering from mental health at some point in our lives so they blooming well should :biggrin:

Good luck with your journey and I'm happy to chat at anytime on the forum or by message :welcome: