I fallen so far so fast after doing so well for so long...wife's colon conditions

[lofwyr]

I am not sure where to even begin. My wife started having bathroom issues a month or so ago, over the course of that time she felt (I won't go into tmi detail how) a small mass just inside. She has no itching or bleeding, no weightloss, just the recurrent feeling she hasn't completely voided after going to the bathroom and pain when she does have to go and cobstipation.
She has had hemmeroids for years, so she is pretty much putting it upto that, and it could be perhaps. She is making an appointment to see her GP next week.

But after over a decade of not touching google, before I knew what I was even doing I was deep into stories of colorectal cancer, on the quest for reassurance but only getting more worried.

I had been doing so well with my HA but now I am in as dark a place as I have been in a long while. I am very scared, in my head already projecting the worst news.

I write this not knowing why or what I am looking for. I am feeling a bit shattered, perhaps looking for reassurance, perhaps just angry and disappointed in myself and needing to vent. I am fearing the worst and failin with my CBT badly.../sigh

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Ah the google strikes again. I'm sorry to hear your concern about your wife's issues, it's very sweet that you care about her so much! If she's had those problems for years it's more than likely just happening again. She's doing the right thing by going to the doctor! Maybe you guys should plan some date nights in the mean time so you can get your mind off things (:

[Kathryn313]

Its horrible when you HA transfers to someone else and you have less control and a desire to not panic the other person.

You are doing the right thing by coming on here and typing this out. That is an CBT action in itself.

Now you have googled, there is no point repeating that exercise since you have already seen everything the web has to offer, or have at least sourced those pages which seek to confirm your cognitive bias at least!

Could it be worth revisting your CBT exercises? and/or some evening meditations?

[lofwyr]

You guys are awesome. This is really one of the only places a person with HA can come. My wife--sweet as she is, and understanding beyond measure with my anxiety (not limited to health anxiety, but running pretty strong across all fields--does get worn out by it as much as I do.

The truth is, she is an anxious person too, not as bad as me, but not good either. And her way of dealing with things she is anxious about--like this--is to blow it off, which boggles me, and leaves me wanting to drag her to the doctor.

I just wish there was some way of knowing the future ;-)

As to her medical issues, the feeling of not voiding completely can be a sign of hemmeroids, which I was hanging on to. But the google...and my weak will. Basically agonized over something I, as you say Kathryn, have even less control over being as it is not my body. She will go, I just want to wave a magic wand and have it overwith I guess.

[lofwyr]

And once again, in such a bad place this morning. It comes and goes in waves, and I seem to not be able to regain control of any emotion I have. I try to convince myself it is all for nothing, like all the other times I have worried. But this time, it really feels different. Which is what I have said every time, but somehow, this really *does* feel different.

I just wish this appointment could be over, so I can either get on with my real worrying or put this to rest. Ugggh.

[Capercrohnj]

The feeling of not voiding completely can also be a part of IBS.

[lofwyr]

She found a lump, so there is more to it than that. I am hoping it is just piles, but it is scary to me. She is not really bothered by it at all, and I can't seem to get her to take it seriously. She is dragging her feet on the appointment, which is bothersome to me.

She knows I am anxious, even though I am trying to hide it, and keep it quiet, we have been married 23 years, so I am an open book, sadly.

[ErinKC]

This sounds like hemorrhoids to me. I've had them since I was pregnant with my daughter and when they flair up they feel just like how you're describing. If the internal ones start to poke out (sorry for the TMI) they feel like little lumps. If she is having frequency it will only make them worse. They can also become extremely painful - I have missed work because of hemorrhoids, even though their reputation is more of a nuisance or an itchiness, the pain can actually be extremely intense and they can get huge. The doctor will be able to take one look and diagnose them if that's all it is. So, stay strong until the appointment and more likely than not you'll get a reassuring answer right away!

Just a few weeks ago I had a random day where I had to go 4 or 5 times. This happens to me completely out of the blue now and then. It made my hemorrhoids flair up right away, and it took several weeks for them to get back under control.