General fear of "not surviving"

[montys]

I don't really know where to put this, but I come around this part of the forum most often so it feels appropriate.

There are days when my health anxiety is worse than others, especially when an annoying symptom is nagging at me, like abdominal pain or a headache. And I've made great improvements over the last few months through the help of meditation and therapy. But what seems to persist is a general feeling that something, anything, is almost certainly going to come along and finish the job.

I'm about to graduate, but for some reason I have a hard time visualizing my post-graduate life because part of me is convinced that I won't make it that long. And the idea of visualizing my life at age 30 (I'm 21) is laughable.

Anxiety seems to be changing my perception of time. Days are going by slower, the last month felt like a year, and the idea of living 9 more years is difficult for me to comprehend in my current mental state, where every day presents a new "health crisis" that's conquered by midnight.

I plan to talk about this with my therapist the next time I see him, but I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way? I have a tendency to wax existential, so maybe not.

[Scared2death21]

I have this exact problem. I'm 21 as well as I find it hard picturing me making it past 40 or 50. :weep:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Visualisation of your future is commonly hard at your ages guys. I was the same and didn't have anxiety back then. I never thought I would lose a significant proportion of my thirties to mental health disorders!

I'm 41 now and I don't know what my life will look like at 50, 60, 70 etc. But I don't think it is that important anyway. It's great to have goals but life is unpredictable and it's better to accept & be happy than chase status for the sake of success if you aren't happy at the same time.

Feeling a bit rudderless is common. Try to find what you enjoy, what you believe in and go from there. At 30, 40, 50, etc your outlook will keep changing through your experiences in life. I'm much different now to back at your age for that reason and it's something we all just go through.

Being a student there are limits on your perception of the world. Getting into work changes that and you just adapt and life flows from there.

Anxiety has made my bad days slow. But also my weeks fly by without much of anything seeming like it has happened because routine is one of my issues.

As for the negative thinking about not making it, no one ever knows so this means changing how you think. Your mediation will help with that. Mindfulness is good at teaching you to exist now and not worry about then.

[beatroon]

Hi there

What Terry has said is spot on - but I'd also add that that feeling that something is going to come along and whip the rug away at any moment? Is the feeling of anxiety itself. That's the name of the game. It makes it hard to see how the future will be, and tells you that you won't survive it - but this is the nature of the condition. So, yes, you're not alone, and I expect if you open up to your counsellor, s/he will be able to talk you through some of those feelings.

I also remember being 21 as quite frightening, because full of options as to which way to go in life, so it is probably not that unusual to be nervous of the life change that is graduating. But, you sound like a highly intelligent and thoughtful person, and with support you will be able to make good choices. I think it might be wise, though, to acknowledge that you're about to go through a transition and maybe that's kicking your anxiety off.

Good luck! PM me if I can help further. X

[Sixpack]

Excellent post Terry.

My son is 22. He has a great deal of worries on his plate. Actually most early 20's folks do. So many adult decisions loom at this time

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Being in your 20s is like just fumbling around in the dark wearing different colored socks and looking for food. It's a scary time, even without anxiety.

[lofwyr]

Yeah, my kids are that age now, and the stress shows oddly.

I was also that way at that age. My worst HA I have ever had was when I was your age. It began when someone I knew passed from a brain tumor, and I had this feeling of living forever ripped away from me so quickly. I was sure I would not live to be 30, or 40.

I am almost 47, I don't really think about that anymore. I do, however, expect the worst still when something *does* show up. That is something I have been working on with only limited success over the years. I am failing at it badly right now with regards to my wife.

Try to weather the storm, and enjoy every day. It is really best not to waste your youth with worry if you can help it, trust me on that one. ;-)

[montys]

Thanks everyone for the wise and insightful responses :) I feel a lot more at ease now, knowing that these are normal thoughts. I realized I'm faced with an unusually large set of big, stressful decisions at this point in my life, which might be causing me to feel this way.


Being in your 20s is like just fumbling around in the dark wearing different colored socks and looking for food.

Accurate quote of the century right here. I should hang this on my wall or something.

[ErinKC]

Any big life change has always triggered my anxiety, including graduating college. Our lives are so well mapped out while we're in school, but thinking beyond that seems almost impossible. You don't have as strict of a road map ahead of you, and for someone with anxiety that can be really scary!

I'm 33 now, so I made it! But, my worse bout of anxiety came when my daughter was born almost 3 years ago. It triggered such a deep fear of not living to see her grow up. Trying to imagine all that time ahead was nearly impossible, since it will be experiences I've never had before - raising a child. But I've come through it with help and I am enjoying each step of this new life stage.

My mom (who also suffers from anxiety) used to have a magnet on our refrigerator that said, "I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." I think it's a perfect summation of anxiety. Try your best not to get ahead of yourself. Live and enjoy that time you're in now, one day at a time. And before long you'll be stressing out about turning 30!

[ErinKC]

Being in your 20s is like just fumbling around in the dark wearing different colored socks and looking for food. It's a scary time, even without anxiety.

It turns out this is also what being in your 30s is like. But now I do it with a toddler! Her socks are much smaller and more difficult to match, but she can eat just as much mac and cheese as me!

[GeraltRiva]

I'm also quite young (23), and I find it hard to imagine my future. As now every day is an exhausting mental battle. The only time I'm feeling fine is in the evenings and then I start to feel sorry for myself, because I didn't do many productive things during the day. I can't really get on with my life and just like you, imagening myself when I'm 28-30 feels surreal and dreamy...