Recking Nought
04-03-17, 14:27
Hi, my name is John. I live in England.
You might say I am a "long time listener, first time caller". I've been visiting NMP for several years; I thought I would join at last.
Almost exactly five years ago, just approaching my 30th birthday, I had a nervous breakdown. I was diagnosed with anxiety with depression. Since then I've been taking fluoxetine - currently 40mg a day - and have had various talking therapies of the CBT-type. I have had several relapses, though not these have not been as severe as my first breakdown.
I do not know the reasons for my breakdown clearly. There is a history of anxiety and depression in my family, so it seems inheritance has played a part. I had a happy childhood by and large. In part I think my anxiety is related to becoming older, trying to be an adult, being 'responsible'. When I am feeling anxious I feel lost, that I do not have any sense of purpose.
I also have problems with perfectionism. I compare myself to others a lot, especially when my mood is low, and I struggle to see my worth. I also catastrophise, as CBT puts it; I become anxious about all the things that could go wrong. For example, my mother is a great support to me, and the thought of her death terrifies me.
I can feel fine for extended periods of time. My anxiety is reactive to a large degree. I realise that to feel anxious about some things is entirely usual. I seem to have extreme reactions, though. My mood can become very low very quickly, and I do not simply worry about the trigger, but things which are unrelated. It feels as thought the world turns against me, and I cannot see the positive side of life anymore.
I suppose the treatments I have had have been somewhat effective. The side-effects of fluoxetine have not troubled me much, but I am unsure if it has significantly improved my mood. The talking therapies have been useful, I think, and perhaps part of the problem is that I do not implement them consistently. When I feel OK, it all seems a million miles away, and I do not think to practise the techniques.
At the moment I am feeling quite anxious. I am currently studying an MSc and the workload is tough just now. I gave up a job to pursue this, which was difficult in its own way, but just a couple of months ago I told a friend that I wish I had done it years ago. Now I feel the opposite - I would like to be doing my boring job again, without the stress of coursework, and the future dread of deciding what to do after the course is finished.
Anyway, I think that is enough for the time being. No More Panic has been a very helpful place for me over the years, and it feels good to make a bit of a contribution to it, and to thank everyone here for their candour and encouragement.
John.
You might say I am a "long time listener, first time caller". I've been visiting NMP for several years; I thought I would join at last.
Almost exactly five years ago, just approaching my 30th birthday, I had a nervous breakdown. I was diagnosed with anxiety with depression. Since then I've been taking fluoxetine - currently 40mg a day - and have had various talking therapies of the CBT-type. I have had several relapses, though not these have not been as severe as my first breakdown.
I do not know the reasons for my breakdown clearly. There is a history of anxiety and depression in my family, so it seems inheritance has played a part. I had a happy childhood by and large. In part I think my anxiety is related to becoming older, trying to be an adult, being 'responsible'. When I am feeling anxious I feel lost, that I do not have any sense of purpose.
I also have problems with perfectionism. I compare myself to others a lot, especially when my mood is low, and I struggle to see my worth. I also catastrophise, as CBT puts it; I become anxious about all the things that could go wrong. For example, my mother is a great support to me, and the thought of her death terrifies me.
I can feel fine for extended periods of time. My anxiety is reactive to a large degree. I realise that to feel anxious about some things is entirely usual. I seem to have extreme reactions, though. My mood can become very low very quickly, and I do not simply worry about the trigger, but things which are unrelated. It feels as thought the world turns against me, and I cannot see the positive side of life anymore.
I suppose the treatments I have had have been somewhat effective. The side-effects of fluoxetine have not troubled me much, but I am unsure if it has significantly improved my mood. The talking therapies have been useful, I think, and perhaps part of the problem is that I do not implement them consistently. When I feel OK, it all seems a million miles away, and I do not think to practise the techniques.
At the moment I am feeling quite anxious. I am currently studying an MSc and the workload is tough just now. I gave up a job to pursue this, which was difficult in its own way, but just a couple of months ago I told a friend that I wish I had done it years ago. Now I feel the opposite - I would like to be doing my boring job again, without the stress of coursework, and the future dread of deciding what to do after the course is finished.
Anyway, I think that is enough for the time being. No More Panic has been a very helpful place for me over the years, and it feels good to make a bit of a contribution to it, and to thank everyone here for their candour and encouragement.
John.