Vicious cycle

[flappergirl]

Hi,

I seem to have developed HA recently which has spiralled out of
control. My job is quite stressful and my life very busy, but I thought I was ticking over ok. Till my Mum had a diagnosis of NHL and all of a sudden I have loads of weird physical symptoms which of course I'm googling like mad. I cannot get illness out of my head and am diagnosing myself with all sorts!

I suffered from a period of severe anxiety a couple of years ago with OCD type behaviour, and I knew while I wasn't free from it, I had the anxiety under control.

I need help, I have been to docs 4 times in 10 days and had 2 phone consults. I have had bloods tested and X-rays and ok apart from low vit d all is good. No amount of reassurance helps. I keep thinking "what if"...doctor missed
Xsomething...I explained badly....my symptom is rare....I get worse symptoms tomorrow etc, but what is left of my rational brain knows that the what if thinking is OCD/HA. Doctors have said my muscles are like rock and I need to find ways to relax as stress is what is making my symtpoms worse.

I am upset that I have ceased to function. I've missed a week of work, I am mostly withdrawn, and what is worse I feel that I am letting down my mum as she has a real illness, and I should be supporting her better.

I want to return to work on Monday but my head is in such a bad way that I feel like I am in a dark room and I know the anxiety has taken over. Should I go to work Monday (I am a teacher and jobs requires you to be on top of your game totally) and try to take my mind off it, or see GP again (if I am allowed) and ask for help for this anxiety.

Any advice? I don't want drugs and I had talking therapy before but not CBT. I think CBT has a huge NHS wait list and not sure if I can afford private sessions.

[Thelegend27]

You don't make it clear what it is that you're worrying about so much. If you are worrying that you also have NHL then im sure your symptoms would be no doubt very obvious such as, night sweats to the point the sheets are wet, chest pains, lumps like golf balls on your neck, severe unexplained weight loss, very fatigued, you may not have all those symptoms but those are some that come with NHL that I've read about, that is if we are talking about the same NHL. I found a few small nodes in my neck and i also went nuts with worrying even after the doctor felt of my neck did a cbc and ultrasound and said everything looked fine and they are wanting me to see a therapist. My point here is, if you allow HA to take over your life its going to be so hard to overcome it im living proof of that, im constantly searching symptoms on the internet looking for reassurance but it only makes my anxiety worse. I have a wife and son and i continue to allow this anxiety affect my responsibilities and that really bothers me. Stay off Google by all means, thino about positive things, get out more and socialize, go see a movie, do whatever you can to distract your mind, this is what i do and it helps, its only when i get home in the evenings is when the HA really strikes me. Good luck and take care of yourself physically and mentally. I also pray your mother will be ok its a very curable disease when caught early so stay positive.

[flappergirl]

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. My worry is that I have another type of cancer. I have some symptoms that I googled and Dr Google pointed towards cancer amongst other things. I have told my GP about my symptoms and my fears and they (a few different gps) all say that my body (muscles etc) are showing signs of stress and not to worry as the cancer is rare especially so at my age and that the symptoms I describe are not typical of that cancer. That reassurance does not last long, in fact the more I reassure, the worse I worry. I phoned up the emergency doctor in the middle of the night and I am now feeling that the doctors are missing a big clue and that I should to go the A&E at the hospital.

Hate feeling like this, I am so convinced there is something wrong and I don't know whether my body is trying to tell me or if this is all part of the HA. 😢

[Fishmanpa]

Any advice? I don't want drugs and I had talking therapy before but not CBT. I think CBT has a huge NHS wait list and not sure if I can afford private sessions.

There are free CBT worksheets and courses online but it requires dedication and work on your part. The meds part? Based on what I'm reading, you would benefit as your mind needs to calm down in order to even effectively focus on self help.

Advice?... Get on the CBT waiting list and/or look into therapy again, talk to your doctor about meds and look into the aforementioned free resources.

Positive thoughts

[Deckard]

Hey flappergirl,

I understand what you are going through, believe me. I've been there. It got really bad a little over 2 months ago.

I have always been anxious (social anxiety mostly, sometimes mild health anxiety, caused by OCD as I was told recently). But my latest bout with health anxiety was awful, and spiraled really out of control. Missed work, thought I was going to die any minute. Diagnosed myself with all sorts of things (thank you google...). I also had a lot of blood tests done, and they came back OK (except low vitamin D, same as you). I had chest pains and upper back pains, so of course I worried about my heart and various cancers. I finally talked to a psychiatrist and started medication (I wasn't too happy to be put on meds either). An anti-depressant and tranquilizers. They helped somewhat, I could at least go back to work. Since I was also all tensed up, my primary care doctor wrote a prescription for massage therapy to relieve some of the tension. And believe it or not, that really helped reducing the undefinable aches and pains in my back and chest. I wasn't magically healed, but at least having less pains, my panic was reduced. What finally got me over my heart worries was a 24hr ECG and an echo-cardiogram. The cardiologist confirmed that my heart was absolutely fine. The relieved so much of the worry. So I guess re-assurance helps sometimes.

I am still taking the meds (cut down the dose on the tranquilizers though), and waiting for an appointment for therapy. I'm hoping that I can stop the medication after having had therapy, I don't want to stay on them indefinitely.

It also helped to to talk to the people on here (they are all very nice), even if not talking about anxiety (distraction helps loads, as I found out). I am on here almost every day, if you need someone to talk to.

So my advice: try massage therapy, you would be surprised how much it can help. Tell your doctor every little symptom, so you can reassure yourself that you didn't leave anything out which may have lead to an incorrect diagnosis. And think about the medication, but don't take them if you're not completely sure.

--deckard

[flappergirl]

Thank you!! My upper back is agony at the moment but notice it feels better when my hubby massages in some gel. So massage therapy sounds like a good move. I have come down off the ceiling as I was on the verge of running to a&e.
When you are feeling symptoms it totally freaks you out despite countless reassurances, nothing seems to do!!

For each doc I have given a run downof the symptoms but I might list them for when I go to see the Gp tomorrow then I am sure that they have all the information!!

I think meds are the way to go despite my reservations 🙄

Thanks all for advice.

[Loloo]

Do not google, I have done that and got every possible symptom, googling was the worst thing what I could have done to myself and the problem is that I can't stay away from it!

Try not to google anything for 2 days and you will see that your symptoms will improve x

[GlassPinata]

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. My worry is that I have another type of cancer. I have some symptoms that I googled and Dr Google pointed towards cancer amongst other things. I have told my GP about my symptoms and my fears and they (a few different gps) all say that my body (muscles etc) are showing signs of stress and not to worry as the cancer is rare especially so at my age and that the symptoms I describe are not typical of that cancer. That reassurance does not last long, in fact the more I reassure, the worse I worry. I phoned up the emergency doctor in the middle of the night and I am now feeling that the doctors are missing a big clue and that I should to go the A&E at the hospital.

Hate feeling like this, I am so convinced there is something wrong and I don't know whether my body is trying to tell me or if this is all part of the HA. 😢

Dr Google always points to cancer. That's why we advise one another not to google.
Trust your doctor. I'm sure you are cancer-free.
Anxiety can cause many physical symptoms.
Be persistent in your search for help with your anxiety.

Best wishes.

[ErinKC]

You're definitely trapped in an anxiety state (what my mom calls it). You've been there before so deep down you know that's what it is, and that you don't have a serious illness. You even recognize that you are triggered by your mom's diagnosis, which is completely normal to experience anxiety over. How did you get through it last time? Try some of the same techniques. I also can't speak highly enough of how much my therapist saved me when I was going through this.

[flappergirl]

Thanks all for your support. I am fighting against the anxiety and compulsions at the moment, but they took me over tonight. I had a worry about a symptom that I had and took myself to a&e. When I saw the nurse at triage she basically said that she had no concerns about me and why was I here instead of waiting to see my gp? I felt really foolish and helpless at the same time. I wasted the time of the staff and my dad who accompanied me (not that he thinks I am ill, but is worried about my current behaviour). She suggested that I stop internet doctoring and talk about my concerns and anxiety with my doctor. She said that I also need to have some time for myself and that I might need some stress/anxiety medication. Feel pretty low. What's worse, my stomach is really sore today, probably down to my heightened anxiety (trying to ignore the what if? about my sore tummy) but which is making me all the more anxious.

Well in the morning I am going to call the doctor and ask for help. In the meantime, I will have to have little chats with myself every time I start to panic.about a symptom. I can't remember what my counsellor did now specifically, it was talking therapy so most of what I remember is just me unburdening my worries and upset since the last appt. Getting things out in the open seemed to help me then. What I had wasn't CBT though, which I need to try to get. I hope that being a previous patient I might be able to get an appt without waiting too long.

My mum has her NHL staging appt today as well which might be why the anxiety has ramped up considerably over the weekend.

Thanks for all advice, trying to look on the bright side and not slip back into panic. Have started to use Headspace as a way of giving myself time out and refocusing. Am going to try to join Pilates and find a massage therapist.

And breathe....

[flappergirl]

So much happier today! GP listened to my ramblings and checked out my symptoms and said that most likely all of it is linked to anxiety and stress and not the other thing. He prescribed me meds and also referred me to a counselling service. He has signed me off from work for a short time so I have some time to try to get my head back in order. I plan to keep busy and not dwell!!! Tonight hopefully I am going to Pilates so that should help on the relaxation front!

[Kathryn313]

I can recommend massage therapy. It is helping me and can be kept up with post CBT.