Biwa
05-03-17, 05:00
Hello. I'm going by Biwa here. I am living in Ohio, USA and managing my panic disorder day by day. I've dealt with social anxiety my whole life but I have recently been blessed with panic disorder and hints of agoraphobia. I'm thankful that I get through the work day, but the anxiety and panic attacks usually leave me exhausted.
I figure it's time I start talking to people who understand what I'm experiencing.
Origin Story
I've gone through my life with invisible walls. There were things I couldn't do. I have a hard time keeping friends because I don't reach out to them. Somehow, I managed to get married, but it's hard to stay married when you have trouble expressing your feelings.
After my divorce, my doctor prescribed a low dose of Xanax to help with social anxiety. I started it, stopped it and I think that led to my first panic attack. That was the worst day of my life, until the next day when it kept happening. I was having an irrational fear that gravity would stop working despite knowing that's impossible. I could not escape my imagination.
My walls are no longer invisible. I feel them. On my worst days I still manage to function, but it feels like hell. I got back on Xanax and an occasional Zoloft for a while, but I have been off of them so I can learn how to manage my condition holistically.
I focus on self care: adequate sleep, healthy food, moving around, and meditating. I learn what I can and try to challenge myself to push against barriers as they appear. Mostly I try to stay hopeful even when it feels like my quality of life is gone forever, because I know that hope is the way forward.
And I know I need to connect with people more since it can help me get the energy I need to face my fears. That's why I'm here introducing myself.
I figure it's time I start talking to people who understand what I'm experiencing.
Origin Story
I've gone through my life with invisible walls. There were things I couldn't do. I have a hard time keeping friends because I don't reach out to them. Somehow, I managed to get married, but it's hard to stay married when you have trouble expressing your feelings.
After my divorce, my doctor prescribed a low dose of Xanax to help with social anxiety. I started it, stopped it and I think that led to my first panic attack. That was the worst day of my life, until the next day when it kept happening. I was having an irrational fear that gravity would stop working despite knowing that's impossible. I could not escape my imagination.
My walls are no longer invisible. I feel them. On my worst days I still manage to function, but it feels like hell. I got back on Xanax and an occasional Zoloft for a while, but I have been off of them so I can learn how to manage my condition holistically.
I focus on self care: adequate sleep, healthy food, moving around, and meditating. I learn what I can and try to challenge myself to push against barriers as they appear. Mostly I try to stay hopeful even when it feels like my quality of life is gone forever, because I know that hope is the way forward.
And I know I need to connect with people more since it can help me get the energy I need to face my fears. That's why I'm here introducing myself.