jabdoyle
06-03-17, 22:39
It's taken a while for me to post something on here and if I'm being honest I am trying to avoid being on the internet to make this worse.
I'll start with my journey..
About 4 weeks ago I went out with my friends for a night out and I got what I can only describe as extremely drunk. They didn't so much and when we got home I felt like a few were taking the mick out of me saying i was doing this and that. I got a bit hot and went outside and from what i can remember I think I pretty much had a breakdown and was a mess until one of my friends found me (i'll go onto the reason why I think this happened a bit later)
After having a horrific hangover for two days I decided to give up vaping (i quit smoking last september) and I just went cold turkey.
That week I started to get strange sensations in my ribs both left and right side. I went to the walk in clinic and basically the doctor just fobbed me off and said it could be inflammation and two ibruprofen. I already had my own GP appt booked for the next day but I went the day before because I basically got myself in a panic. I over egged the pain was in one side (right) so I've been put
Since then I seem to have developed every symptom including stomach pain, groin pain, neck pain, armpit pain, chest pain. A raw chest like a cough but no cough I also found a lump on my shin (when i flex my leg) which I had a complete panic attack and convinced it was a sarcoma. I've had bone pain, my knee went all funny. I've had random bruises appear. Nausea. Incredible back and shoulder pain
Then the googling started... I think I diagnosed myself with every type of Cancer going. As soon as I'd read about one I would develop every symptom. I've also thought I've had meningitis because I had a rash on my arm. MS because my back started tingling.
So now 4 weeks on and now i have incredible breathlessness to the point i get up off the sofa and it hits me. I don't feel like I'm out of breath but I'm constantly having to take deep breaths to catch my breath and I'm constantly yawning all day and all night (when I'm awake) I have a pain in my shoulder and in the same place at the front (just above the nipple) its tender and it sometimes radiates to my sternum.
So i had blood tests done for my liver and kidney function and a CBC and elevated ALT came back which after a quick google i pretty much resigned myself that I had Liver Cancer. I've got an ultrasound on Thursday. I do genuinly get pain in this area though.
I've told my doctor I think I've got health anxiety and she said that it has to be a fine balance that nothing should be fobbed off as anxiety and she wants me to have my scan. I have described all my symptoms to her and I was actually surprised that I wasn't instantly branded anxious and put on anti-depressants.
I think I've been quite good in recognising this could be a mental health issue but as much as i think and think of it i'm scared there is something seriously wrong with me. I am constantly breathless and with this left radiating pain I just can't get out of my head it might be lung C this is on top of last week I was absolutely convinced I had lymphoma.
Back to the drunken breakdown this night was the 28th January.
On the 23rd December my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and i stayed with her for Christmas and moved back home for a week. Luckily it was early caught so awaiting an operation I moved back to my flat (i moved in at the end of November and it's my first time away from home) I moved back to my moms for her operation on the 25th Jan and she was out the same day and she begged me to go out to enjoy myself and I did and then I got stupidly drunk and basically went outside at my friends flat and had a meltdown my friend came out and i remember just crying and crying saying I didn't want my mom to die. a month on and I still haven't moved back to my flat because I'm scared of having a panic/anxiety attack.
I know this is an essay but I feel like my life has just stopped. I need to be there for my mom but I feel like shes there for me at the moment and I feel so selfish for thinking I've got these things when she has just had it.
so i ask? Is this really all in my mind.
I'll start with my journey..
About 4 weeks ago I went out with my friends for a night out and I got what I can only describe as extremely drunk. They didn't so much and when we got home I felt like a few were taking the mick out of me saying i was doing this and that. I got a bit hot and went outside and from what i can remember I think I pretty much had a breakdown and was a mess until one of my friends found me (i'll go onto the reason why I think this happened a bit later)
After having a horrific hangover for two days I decided to give up vaping (i quit smoking last september) and I just went cold turkey.
That week I started to get strange sensations in my ribs both left and right side. I went to the walk in clinic and basically the doctor just fobbed me off and said it could be inflammation and two ibruprofen. I already had my own GP appt booked for the next day but I went the day before because I basically got myself in a panic. I over egged the pain was in one side (right) so I've been put
Since then I seem to have developed every symptom including stomach pain, groin pain, neck pain, armpit pain, chest pain. A raw chest like a cough but no cough I also found a lump on my shin (when i flex my leg) which I had a complete panic attack and convinced it was a sarcoma. I've had bone pain, my knee went all funny. I've had random bruises appear. Nausea. Incredible back and shoulder pain
Then the googling started... I think I diagnosed myself with every type of Cancer going. As soon as I'd read about one I would develop every symptom. I've also thought I've had meningitis because I had a rash on my arm. MS because my back started tingling.
So now 4 weeks on and now i have incredible breathlessness to the point i get up off the sofa and it hits me. I don't feel like I'm out of breath but I'm constantly having to take deep breaths to catch my breath and I'm constantly yawning all day and all night (when I'm awake) I have a pain in my shoulder and in the same place at the front (just above the nipple) its tender and it sometimes radiates to my sternum.
So i had blood tests done for my liver and kidney function and a CBC and elevated ALT came back which after a quick google i pretty much resigned myself that I had Liver Cancer. I've got an ultrasound on Thursday. I do genuinly get pain in this area though.
I've told my doctor I think I've got health anxiety and she said that it has to be a fine balance that nothing should be fobbed off as anxiety and she wants me to have my scan. I have described all my symptoms to her and I was actually surprised that I wasn't instantly branded anxious and put on anti-depressants.
I think I've been quite good in recognising this could be a mental health issue but as much as i think and think of it i'm scared there is something seriously wrong with me. I am constantly breathless and with this left radiating pain I just can't get out of my head it might be lung C this is on top of last week I was absolutely convinced I had lymphoma.
Back to the drunken breakdown this night was the 28th January.
On the 23rd December my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and i stayed with her for Christmas and moved back home for a week. Luckily it was early caught so awaiting an operation I moved back to my flat (i moved in at the end of November and it's my first time away from home) I moved back to my moms for her operation on the 25th Jan and she was out the same day and she begged me to go out to enjoy myself and I did and then I got stupidly drunk and basically went outside at my friends flat and had a meltdown my friend came out and i remember just crying and crying saying I didn't want my mom to die. a month on and I still haven't moved back to my flat because I'm scared of having a panic/anxiety attack.
I know this is an essay but I feel like my life has just stopped. I need to be there for my mom but I feel like shes there for me at the moment and I feel so selfish for thinking I've got these things when she has just had it.
so i ask? Is this really all in my mind.