View Full Version : I think I've developed chronic fatigue syndrome, and am really scared and depressed
I have been ill multiple times this winter with long-lasting flu-like symptoms, and a flu-like illness or any other traumatic event is apparently often what triggers CFS. I have now been left with extreme exhaustion, even though I've been getting plenty of sleep and haven't been doing anything to exert myself. Sleep doesn't relieve this at all, I wakeup feeling awful.I cannot concentrate on anything. I also have aches and pains in my arms and legs.
I am absolutely petrified that this is CFS/ME, and that this will mean I will be feeling like this FOREVER. I keep on thinking that life wouldn't be worth living. I even thought that if this is legitimate CFS that doesn't go away I would take my own life. I would have no energy to achieve anything, I would spend the rest of my life wanting to stay in bed. I wouldn't want to live as my joy would be gone :(
I'm 17 and male so I keep on reminding myself that I seem like an unlikely candidate for this condition seeing as it mainly affects people who older than me and women, but my symptoms and circumstances all add up. I know this isn't just in my head because even family and friends are starting to suspect this, without me even telling them that I'm worried about it.
It's unlikely in the extreme, but see a doctor if you haven't already.
YoungHon There's many reasons why you could be constantly tired have you seen your Gp and had tests done like blood/Thyroid etc. Have you been Googling your symptoms atall? It's a no no to be honest with you. The really positive thing is you keep telling your self you are only 17 and you seem like a unlikely candidate for the condition so this is good Chin up mate ;) Cheers
YoungHon There's many reasons why you could be constantly tired have you seen your Gp and had tests done like blood/Thyroid etc. Have you been Googling your symptoms atall? It's a no no to be honest with you. The really positive thing is you keep telling your self you are only 17 and you seem like a unlikely candidate for the condition so this is good Chin up mate ;) Cheers
I had a lot of blood tests done in January with my GP which were all normal but I don't think thyroid was one of them. I'll try and get an appointment with him next week.
I had a lot of blood tests done in January with my GP which were all normal but I don't think thyroid was one of them. I'll try and get an appointment with him next week.Ok Let us know how you get on!! Cheers
OK having read more into it I'm even more convinced I have it. I have found it is actually not uncommon in teens or young people, including males. I am getting worse and yet I have already been ill non-stop for over 5 weeks and on and off for almost 3 months. My body feels extremely heavy, I can barely get out of bed and I have to pace myself even when walking around the house. My legs ache also.
I am completely floored and this isn't getting any better, so it must be chronic. I even posted about what I'm experiencing in a forum for people with CFS, and someone who had it for 35 years commented and said at first glance it did seem a lot like it.
Shazamataz
12-03-17, 07:46
I wonder if you have had mononucleosis/glandular fever? If so, most people do recover from this and it doesn't become chronic. I'm sure you will be fine. Sounds like a bad run with viral infections to me.
I wonder if you have had mononucleosis/glandular fever? If so, most people do recover from this and it doesn't become chronic. I'm sure you will be fine. Sounds like a bad run with viral infections to me.
I tested negative for mono/glandular fever while I was still unwell, so it can't be that. A normal viral infection would never last this long. I have been ill on and off for 3 months. CFS is often caused by a viral infection with symptoms that don't go away. I.e. you come down a flu-like thing but you feel constantly fatigued and achey afterwards, which is what I am experiencing. It's referred to as "post-viral fatigue syndrome" to begin with but you get diagnosed with CFS when it doesn't go away for 6 months or longer.
MyNameIsTerry
12-03-17, 08:23
I've spent about 2 years now with daily fatigue. I've also looked at CFS but ruled it out on the basis that my fatigue isn't as bad as their's. I've spoken to a guy on here who had CFS and his constant struggles & needing physio didn't sound like my experience.
I've also learned that there are ways to pull myself out of this fatigue most of the time. Exercise helps with this (the CFS sufferer couldn't do what I do and would suffer for trying). Exercise helps to get positivity so you feel like doing more.
Fatigue is common is anxiety and depression. You could be experiencing it because of them. Rather than solely look for a CFS diagnosis, try to improve it to see if you feel better even temporarily.
Some people with these mental health disorders barely leave their bedroom for months.
OK having read more into it I'm even more convinced I have it. I have found it is actually not uncommon in teens or young people, including males. I am getting worse and yet I have already been ill non-stop for over 5 weeks and on and off for almost 3 months. My body feels extremely heavy, I can barely get out of bed and I have to pace myself even when walking around the house. My legs ache also.
I am completely floored and this isn't getting any better, so it must be chronic. I even posted about what I'm experiencing in a forum for people with CFS, and someone who had it for 35 years commented and said at first glance it did seem a lot like it. Where are you getting this info from, Dr Google?? Think possibly your mind is working over time, so again if you aren't sure ask your dr have I got CFS can you please tell me?? Like Terry says try a small bit of exercise today the sun is shining :) Cheers
I went through this in my early twenties. I had two flu like illnesses back to back and became very fatigued, to the point where I could barely function. I was constantly searching for information on. CfS (we didn't have the internet in those days so I would spend hours in bookshops and the library). I was 100% sure that I had it and just like you, I projected years into the future, imagining all the things I would miss out on and thinking endlessly about how unfair it was and how my life was effectively over.
Luckily for me, I had a very astute GP who diagnosed me with anxiety and acute clinical depression. He started me on antidepressants and referred me to CBT. The CBT helped but the meds were the real life saver for me at that time. After about a month, the fog began to lift and I had days when I felt normal again. The good days began to outweigh the bad, and eventually I was back to my old self. Although I recognized that I was anxious and depressed, I would never have put all my symptoms down to that. My physical symptoms were very very real, including muscle aches, serve brain fog and the most overwhelming fatigue. It's amazing what an effect mental health can have on your physical health.
almamatters
12-03-17, 20:21
I've spent about 2 years now with daily fatigue. I've also looked at CFS but ruled it out on the basis that my fatigue isn't as bad as their's. I've spoken to a guy on here who had CFS and his constant struggles & needing physio didn't sound like my experience.
I've also learned that there are ways to pull myself out of this fatigue most of the time. Exercise helps with this (the CFS sufferer couldn't do what I do and would suffer for trying). Exercise helps to get positivity so you feel like doing more.
Fatigue is common is anxiety and depression. You could be experiencing it because of them. Rather than solely look for a CFS diagnosis, try to improve it to see if you feel better even temporarily.
Some people with these mental health disorders barely leave their bedroom for months.
Just wanted to agree with Terry's post, I never used to understand or believe that anxiety and depression can cause such extreme fatigue, I mean it's overwhelming and not at all like normal tiredness. I started exercising last year and now go swimming and cycling regularly, I used to also think I had CFS but it's depression and anxiety. Hope you are feeling better soon.
If this is is anxiety related then why am I getting extreme muscle pains? And why was I absolutely fine and never felt like this until I got my fever/viral illness in December?
MyNameIsTerry
13-03-17, 04:50
If this is is anxiety related then why am I getting extreme muscle pains? And why was I absolutely fine and never felt like this until I got my fever/viral illness in December?
I don't know about the timing, and I can understand why that needs to be considered here to be sure anxiety resulted from that period too. But muscular pain can be from muscular tension which is common in these disorders. Or maybe postural problems.
Something to also consider is the power of focusing on symptoms. We tend to be committing more brain power to them hence we are feeling them more. I have learnt this through my blips because when the adrenaline increases, any ache or pain is in HD compared to the same pain prior.
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Just wanted to agree with Terry's post, I never used to understand or believe that anxiety and depression can cause such extreme fatigue, I mean it's overwhelming and not at all like normal tiredness. I started exercising last year and now go swimming and cycling regularly, I used to also think I had CFS but it's depression and anxiety. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Yeah Alma, it can feel like just thinking is tiring. I can remember a period where just sitting upright felt draining so I wanted to go to bed. It can be like you are walking through treacle. The brain fog, the weird heads and months of daily headaches well add to it.
My dad had depression for a couple of years over forty years ago. He said he spent weeks at a time in bed when it hit him full force.
It's no surprise we look to consider other conditions, it doesn't have to be HA, it may just be prudent as long as it's not fuelling the anxiety.
I remember also considering cyclic mood disorders like bipolar because of my mood swings. I traced it back to starting my med. High strength Omega 3 sorted that out in about 5 weeks and when I stopped due to a spell of laziness, the mood swings came back and then disappeared quickly once I resumed.
I get plenty of muscle pain which had me looking into fibro at one point until I realised how much worse that is.
Bonnibelle
15-03-17, 15:12
I have chronic fatigue, not the syndrome I don't think but my GP thinks I do.I have been chronically fatigued for 20 months. Every single day I am absolutely exhausted, so exhausted that I have to rest often. I also have crash days, where I wake feeling terrible with weak legs, bad fatigue and far too tired to walk so have to have a day in bed. What triggers my crashes is usually a stressful day the day before or too much exertion. I saw my mum at Christmas, she has caused me a lot of hurt and pain the last few years and when I see her I feel anxious inside, the following day I crash. So I am begining to think anxiety and our emotions really can have a bad effect on our body.
I have an underactive thyroid but it is now at a better level on medication so I don't think it's causing my worsening fatigue I have been experiencing in the last 5 weeks. I believe in the last 5 weeks I have been worrying, thinking, and feeling very low that has led to my fatigue worsening. I have also been diagnosed with depression because the last year has been hard for me being so ill with the thyroid illness, it took a long time to get medication and find the right dose and it's still early days on the higher dose. My GP thinks i became agoraphobic and anxious due to the ill health which caused awful fatigue and weakness. I have spent so much time at home that I am cut off from real life and it's thrown me into this low state of mind. I spend every day worrying about how unwell I feel, trying to work a way out of this chronic fatigue and ill health. I over use my brain and that makes me feel even more fatigued. An over worked mind will bring mental and physical fatigue. Claire Weekes talks about the different fatigues in her audios. It all makes sense that if we over work our minds with deep thinking, internet searching, texting friends for reassurance etc... our brain never ever gets a break. It will become dull, flat and exhausted which will of course make your whole body feel fatigued. The mind and body are connected and how we think effects how we feel.
You have to just accept that after any illness you can have fatigue for a good while after. It's so common, it doesn't mean you will develop CFS. I have friends with true CFS, my symptoms are very similar but I really do not want that label so I am believing that for me it's my thyroid and my anxiety/depression, as being ill with the thyroid has taken it's toll on me.
My friend had ME and she overcame it, it isn't a life sentence, there are many ways you can help yourself recover. There are some excellent channels on Youtube for CFS recovery, they're positive to watch too. Maybe give them a look at to reassure yourself that this is something you can overcome in time.
I hope things get easier for you soon.
B
Hi Bonniebelle I am sorry to hear this. I take it your mum doesn't understand you or your condition then? Never easy when you loved ones cant grasp it. Happen to agree with you that mind and body are indeed connected and for normal functioning both have to be working together other wise you suffer. And a over worked mind can make you very tired indeed so can relate to your problems. BTW like your signature it does make good sense :) Thanks for sharing Cheers
If this is is anxiety related then why am I getting extreme muscle pains? And why was I absolutely fine and never felt like this until I got my fever/viral illness in December?
Mine was triggered by a viral infection, it was just the last straw at a stressful time in my life (although it wasn't until later with hindsight that I became aware of the fact that stress had. Edn building over a period of time.) In my case, I had a fear that I was not recovering from the viral illness, which led me to believe I had post viral fatigue, which made me very anxious and depressed, and so the cycle continued. I also had a lot of muscle ache to the point where I felt like I haf done a work out at the gym when in reality I had done nothing. It was muscle tension. I had all this, and it was caused by my mental health. My fatigue wss horrendous at that time. I would get dizzy and faint just going to the shop for a pint of milk. It was hard for me to believe at that time that this was a mental health issue, since it felt more physical, but that's what it was.
Bonnibelle
16-03-17, 15:09
Hi Bonniebelle I am sorry to hear this. I take it your mum doesn't understand you or your condition then? Never easy when you loved ones cant grasp it. Happen to agree with you that mind and body are indeed connected and for normal functioning both have to be working together other wise you suffer. And a over worked mind can make you very tired indeed so can relate to your problems. BTW like your signature it does make good sense :) Thanks for sharing Cheers
HI BB,
My mother has made our relationship very difficult. Cut a long story short as I don't want to sound like a victim but 5 years ago my brother attacked me, and my whole family turned their backs on me because I wouldn't forgive him for the second time. He has serious MH issues. I refused to protect myself and my children. I was pushed out of the family and since seeing my mother is very hard. She knows the attack caused my anxiety, agoraphobia and she still didn't help me. Then I became ill a year ago with the thyroid and chronic fatigue and she still refused to support me. So seeing her really is painful for me, I allowed it all last year as my kids like seeing her of course. After every visit I'd land in bed with weak burning thighs, fatigue, feeling light headed and generally really stressed and horrible. I'd been in bed ill for 2 days after seeing her. It really wasn't worth it so so far this year I have stopped her visits as I need to focus on getting myself well and seeing her just relives all the trauma, my GP and therapist agree. It's so hard because if I didn't have children I'd have walked away years ago fully and probably wouldn't still be in this anxious fatigued mess I find myself in now.
B
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Mine was triggered by a viral infection, it was just the last straw at a stressful time in my life (although it wasn't until later with hindsight that I became aware of the fact that stress had. Edn building over a period of time.) In my case, I had a fear that I was not recovering from the viral illness, which led me to believe I had post viral fatigue, which made me very anxious and depressed, and so the cycle continued. I also had a lot of muscle ache to the point where I felt like I haf done a work out at the gym when in reality I had done nothing. It was muscle tension. I had all this, and it was caused by my mental health. My fatigue wss horrendous at that time. I would get dizzy and faint just going to the shop for a pint of milk. It was hard for me to believe at that time that this was a mental health issue, since it felt more physical, but that's what it was.
Cattia
I can relate to what you have said. I feel weak and chronically fatigued. If you see my reply above I explain I have huge crashes after any stress or anxiety but daily live with chronic fatigue. I feel faint on crash days and it's why I have become agoraphobic again.
Did you actually faint or just felt it? my fear is this will make me faint as I often feel light headed and ill due to the fatigue. My GP says I have anxiety and depression and it's most likely the cause of how awful I feel, along with my thyroid but he's also always testing me for this and that to rule out other things 17 months into this daily battle with fatigue. I feel drained daily, heavy body, weak legs that burn if I am in a bad crash at times. It's no fun and I have struggled to believe anxiety or depression can cause this.
HI BB,
My mother has made our relationship very difficult. Cut a long story short as I don't want to sound like a victim but 5 years ago my brother attacked me, and my whole family turned their backs on me because I wouldn't forgive him for the second time. He has serious MH issues. I refused to protect myself and my children. I was pushed out of the family and since seeing my mother is very hard. She knows the attack caused my anxiety, agoraphobia and she still didn't help me. Then I became ill a year ago with the thyroid and chronic fatigue and she still refused to support me. So seeing her really is painful for me, I allowed it all last year as my kids like seeing her of course. After every visit I'd land in bed with weak burning thighs, fatigue, feeling light headed and generally really stressed and horrible. I'd been in bed ill for 2 days after seeing her. It really wasn't worth it so so far this year I have stopped her visits as I need to focus on getting myself well and seeing her just relives all the trauma, my GP and therapist agree. It's so hard because if I didn't have children I'd have walked away years ago fully and probably wouldn't still be in this anxious fatigued mess I find myself in now.
B
---------- Post added at 15:09 ---------- Previous post was at 15:06 ----------
Cattia
I can relate to what you have said. I feel weak and chronically fatigued. If you see my reply above I explain I have huge crashes after any stress or anxiety but daily live with chronic fatigue. I feel faint on crash days and it's why I have become agoraphobic again.
Did you actually faint or just felt it? my fear is this will make me faint as I often feel light headed and ill due to the fatigue. My GP says I have anxiety and depression and it's most likely the cause of how awful I feel, along with my thyroid but he's also always testing me for this and that to rule out other things 17 months into this daily battle with fatigue. I feel drained daily, heavy body, weak legs that burn if I am in a bad crash at times. It's no fun and I have struggled to believe anxiety or depression can cause this.Bb it's a difficult one this is. Prior to your second attack off your brother did you have any MH issues your self? But in any case you knew your brother has?
What Iam saying is why cant your forgive your brother after all he is ill probably had no control over what he did!! They say blood is thicker than water but seeing as we don't know the full story it's difficult and now your family don't seem top be offering support to you very sad. As for the fatigue all I get of some narrow minded ppl is there's nothing wrong with you are lazy if only they knew what I am going through. Ahh Cheers
Bonnibelle
17-03-17, 21:34
Bb it's a difficult one this is. Prior to your second attack off your brother did you have any MH issues your self? But in any case you knew your brother has?
What Iam saying is why cant your forgive your brother after all he is ill probably had no control over what he did!! They say blood is thicker than water but seeing as we don't know the full story it's difficult and now your family don't seem top be offering support to you very sad. As for the fatigue all I get of some narrow minded ppl is there's nothing wrong with you are lazy if only they knew what I am going through. Ahh Cheers
I can't forgive him as he attacked my husband infront of my kids, a year later attacked me and hunted me down to kill me and the day after he was arrested he took to social media saying he would kill me one day. Police told me to get a restraining order. He doesn't have MH issues that mean he has no control, he has depression and BPD, no excuse for his actions as people with those issues can control themselves. He wasn't in a psychosis or anything, he has major anger issues and abused his children, his partner and his dog.
I was frightened for my life for 2 years and couldn't leave my home. My mother and sisters resented me for not forgiving him and basically left me to rot. Not something you can forgive. I had PTSD and they left me struggling.
I have had to walk away from them all and I do not regret it. My brother contacted me to apologise about 18 months after and he said he didn't blame me if I never wanted him near me and my children again as he had done some terrible things. I accepted his apology but that doesn't mean I was willing to risk my life again, or my childrens safety.
I feel for anyone with MH issues. I did have anxiety from a young age as I was brought up in a difficult childhood home, my brother was ill and angry from a very young age. I was living with abusive parents and anxiety effected me and my siblings. After the attack 4 years ago my anxiety was different as I had post traumatic stress disorder which is quite different.
I have forgiven him for what he did but I am not going to ever put myself or my family at risk again and as for my mother and sisters, their behaviour towards me was unforgiveable sadly. I had threats and abusive texts from my sister for 2 years after the attack, I only started to recover when I cut her out of my life. My own father has cut my brother and sisters off for what they have done to me, as has my gran. My friends told me how toxic my family were years before the attack but I never listened, I wished I had as I suffered with chronic stress and anxiety for years before as my family thrive off violence and drama. I am the complete opposite, I hate it and live a very quiet sheltered life lol!!! Happier for it too ;-)
Sorry that got long but I hate it when anyone suggests I should forgive him, I know they don't know the full story and I haven't given the full story here but if I did you'd shudder at the things he did to his kids and other family members, it's why I have had to walk away as he is not a well man. I miss my brother that although had issues from a young age, he would never have hurt me and we were close but as he got older he changed and sadly things ended badly between us but I don't wish him any harm. I hope he never hurts anyone again and can find some peace in his life:)
I can't forgive him as he attacked my husband infront of my kids, a year later attacked me and hunted me down to kill me and the day after he was arrested he took to social media saying he would kill me one day. Police told me to get a restraining order. He doesn't have MH issues that mean he has no control, he has depression and BPD, no excuse for his actions as people with those issues can control themselves. He wasn't in a psychosis or anything, he has major anger issues and abused his children, his partner and his dog.
I was frightened for my life for 2 years and couldn't leave my home. My mother and sisters resented me for not forgiving him and basically left me to rot. Not something you can forgive. I had PTSD and they left me struggling.
I have had to walk away from them all and I do not regret it. My brother contacted me to apologise about 18 months after and he said he didn't blame me if I never wanted him near me and my children again as he had done some terrible things. I accepted his apology but that doesn't mean I was willing to risk my life again, or my childrens safety.
I feel for anyone with MH issues. I did have anxiety from a young age as I was brought up in a difficult childhood home, my brother was ill and angry from a very young age. I was living with abusive parents and anxiety effected me and my siblings. After the attack 4 years ago my anxiety was different as I had post traumatic stress disorder which is quite different.
I have forgiven him for what he did but I am not going to ever put myself or my family at risk again and as for my mother and sisters, their behaviour towards me was unforgiveable sadly. I had threats and abusive texts from my sister for 2 years after the attack, I only started to recover when I cut her out of my life. My own father has cut my brother and sisters off for what they have done to me, as has my gran. My friends told me how toxic my family were years before the attack but I never listened, I wished I had as I suffered with chronic stress and anxiety for years before as my family thrive off violence and drama. I am the complete opposite, I hate it and live a very quiet sheltered life lol!!! Happier for it too ;-)
Sorry that got long but I hate it when anyone suggests I should forgive him, I know they don't know the full story and I haven't given the full story here but if I did you'd shudder at the things he did to his kids and other family members, it's why I have had to walk away as he is not a well man. I miss my brother that although had issues from a young age, he would never have hurt me and we were close but as he got older he changed and sadly things ended badly between us but I don't wish him any harm. I hope he never hurts anyone again and can find some peace in his life:) Hi Bb it it's incredible sad story I am so sorry to hear this. Do you really know anything about BPD as such and can tell you depression is awful condition to live with I have had it for years (no I am not making any excuses for your brother) was he also living at home with abusive parents too? He also had these conditions from a early age too and he did have the courage to apologise which takes a lot of guts so he has my respect on this. Is he receiving any help what so ever on his problems? Have any of you contacted social services about your abusive parents? Could you not meet with your brother on his own and at least try and help him? It cant be easy for him. Is he still at home or on his own which wont help him one bit? Sounds a very lonely man in some respects and hope he gets so much needed help in his life and does find peace and that applies to you too :hugs: Cheers
Bonnibelle
18-03-17, 21:21
Hi Bb it it's incredible sad story I am so sorry to hear this. Do you really know anything about BPD as such and can tell you depression is awful condition to live with I have had it for years (no I am not making any excuses for your brother) was he also living at home with abusive parents too? He also had these conditions from a early age too and he did have the courage to apologise which takes a lot of guts so he has my respect on this. Is he receiving any help what so ever on his problems? Have any of you contacted social services about your abusive parents? Could you not meet with your brother on his own and at least try and help him? It cant be easy for him. Is he still at home or on his own which wont help him one bit? Sounds a very lonely man in some respects and hope he gets so much needed help in his life and does find peace and that applies to you too :hugs: Cheers
My brother has his own family, partner and children, he is 35. He has been having therapy for 3 years and that is why he apologised and it took a lot for me to accept his apology. After all he put me through people told me it was very good of me to accept his apology. As I said I wish him no harm and I hope he finds health and peace in his life.
I tried to help him all my life, I was more like a mother to him and he was my shadow. I did my best for him. It's sad when the violence turns on you and there comes a point where you cannot keep subjecting yourself to trauma. My life is full of it and I had to walk away. I can't really go into details but my brother had social services onto him for abusing his children and I was accused of calling them when I hadn't and this is why he attacked me because he was paranoid it was me that called them. I was framed by my sisters as they were frightened he was going to accuse them, and for whatever reason I was told by my step father that I was framed by my sister and that is why my brother thought it was me and he came after me, he tried to run me off the road in my car and told me he was going to murder me. I had to run into a police station where he attacked me and he was arrested. It got to a point where no I couldn't keep subjecting myself to this, why should I have a lifetime of this trauma even if this person had mental health issues? I have my own family, I am 37 and after 30 plus years of it I broke free and I am so much happier for it. I don't speak to any of my family now as they resented me for breaking free but my own mother says I have done the right thing because after the attack I was housebound terrified to leave my home, so the trust has gone with my siblings and she understands why even if it upsets her things have had to turn out like this.
Sadly there are some things you cannot forget and once that trust has gone, it's gone and when you have children their safety comes first. My son had to go to therapy for a year after he saw my brother attack his father out of the blue. I could have been at risk of my children being reported to social services if I carried on risking their lives like that. My sisters children were also very anxious due to seeing my brothers violence.
My mother and father never hit us, they were just very abusive to eachother and we were never hidden from it and our childhood was very tough.
I also suffer depression and anxiety and the PTSD. Everyone copes in different ways. Yes I know about BPD as I have read up on it and I am aware it's a difficult condition to live with and as I said I wish my brother no harm and hope his therapy helps him and it stops him from hurting himself again and others. He told me it was after what he did to me he realised he had to get help, so something good came out of something bad. His children are now safe and I am glad of that. I though am 4 years on still in therapy for PTSD and anxiety and my agoraphobia has never fully settled as I live 10 minutes from him and live in fear, after he took to social media telling me 'it's time for me to play god with your life, watch your back from now on'. It's hard not to live in fear. He has apoligised and I accepted but I am a mother and a person who deserves a life and my children deserve a happy, healthy mother and that is what I am working on, so our safety is paramount.
My brother has his own family, partner and children, he is 35. He has been having therapy for 3 years and that is why he apologised and it took a lot for me to accept his apology. After all he put me through people told me it was very good of me to accept his apology. As I said I wish him no harm and I hope he finds health and peace in his life.
I tried to help him all my life, I was more like a mother to him and he was my shadow. I did my best for him. It's sad when the violence turns on you and there comes a point where you cannot keep subjecting yourself to trauma. My life is full of it and I had to walk away. I can't really go into details but my brother had social services onto him for abusing his children and I was accused of calling them when I hadn't and this is why he attacked me because he was paranoid it was me that called them. I was framed by my sisters as they were frightened he was going to accuse them, and for whatever reason I was told by my step father that I was framed by my sister and that is why my brother thought it was me and he came after me, he tried to run me off the road in my car and told me he was going to murder me. I had to run into a police station where he attacked me and he was arrested. It got to a point where no I couldn't keep subjecting myself to this, why should I have a lifetime of this trauma even if this person had mental health issues? I have my own family, I am 37 and after 30 plus years of it I broke free and I am so much happier for it. I don't speak to any of my family now as they resented me for breaking free but my own mother says I have done the right thing because after the attack I was housebound terrified to leave my home, so the trust has gone with my siblings and she understands why even if it upsets her things have had to turn out like this.
Sadly there are some things you cannot forget and once that trust has gone, it's gone and when you have children their safety comes first. My son had to go to therapy for a year after he saw my brother attack his father out of the blue. I could have been at risk of my children being reported to social services if I carried on risking their lives like that. My sisters children were also very anxious due to seeing my brothers violence.
My mother and father never hit us, they were just very abusive to eachother and we were never hidden from it and our childhood was very tough.
I also suffer depression and anxiety and the PTSD. Everyone copes in different ways. Yes I know about BPD as I have read up on it and I am aware it's a difficult condition to live with and as I said I wish my brother no harm and hope his therapy helps him and it stops him from hurting himself again and others. He told me it was after what he did to me he realised he had to get help, so something good came out of something bad. His children are now safe and I am glad of that. I though am 4 years on still in therapy for PTSD and anxiety and my agoraphobia has never fully settled as I live 10 minutes from him and live in fear, after he took to social media telling me 'it's time for me to play god with your life, watch your back from now on'. It's hard not to live in fear. He has apoligised and I accepted but I am a mother and a person who deserves a life and my children deserve a happy, healthy mother and that is what I am working on, so our safety is paramount. HI Bb I am sorry and after reading your post you have done the right thing How you survived for that long I will never know is your mum still in the abusive relationship? I hope now you can find a inner peace and some happiness :hugs:
Bonnibelle
19-03-17, 20:06
HI Bb I am sorry and after reading your post you have done the right thing How you survived for that long I will never know is your mum still in the abusive relationship? I hope now you can find a inner peace and some happiness :hugs:
Thanks BB
My whole life with my extended family was toxic and abusive. I'm the complete opposite and arguments and fighting scares me. Hence why I was always the scapegoat.
My mum divorced my dad after I moved out at 20. She resented me for leaving her and she ruined my wedding day because she hated seeing my happy. I'm so glad I'm away from it all. My mum always had issues with showing love and resented any of us being happy. It was strange and she was angry after i left as she said I left her with the other 3 chikdren to bring up. I was 20 and engaged and planning a wedding, I had a life to live and i had given all my 20 years to her.
My dad and I are close now. My mum and dad were as bad as eachother when we were kids. Both abusive to eachother. My mum is 're married now as is my father and I'm happy for them both but all my mum ever does is moan her husband is boring and sleeps. There's no pleasing her Haha!!
Thanks BB
My whole life with my extended family was toxic and abusive. I'm the complete opposite and arguments and fighting scares me. Hence why I was always the scapegoat.
My mum divorced my dad after I moved out at 20. She resented me for leaving her and she ruined my wedding day because she hated seeing my happy. I'm so glad I'm away from it all. My mum always had issues with showing love and resented any of us being happy. It was strange and she was angry after i left as she said I left her with the other 3 chikdren to bring up. I was 20 and engaged and planning a wedding, I had a life to live and i had given all my 20 years to her.
My dad and I are close now. My mum and dad were as bad as eachother when we were kids. Both abusive to eachother. My mum is 're married now as is my father and I'm happy for them both but all my mum ever does is moan her husband is boring and sleeps. There's no pleasing her Haha!! I am so glad you are free now Bb :) and glad you and your dad are close now!!!Do you see your mum ever? It's shame for her but you have moved on now Cheers
I'm just posting an update.
I still am experiencing extreme physical exhaustion (beyond what anxiety could cause), as well as mental fatigue and poor concentration. Trying to force myself or do any form of physical exertion makes me feel much worse. I had my thyroid and liver enzymes, vitamin and mineral levels and blood count checked. Everything was normal.
My doctor said that it could be a temporary post-viral thing that goes away with time, but if it still hasn't gone away by the summer then I should come back in and they can diagnose it as being CFS. I'm not showing any signs of improvement, in fact the fatigue is getting worse as I have now had to call in sick from college for the first time. So yes this is looking a lot like ME/CFS.
This can't be anxiety related because what caused it wasn't anxiety but the viral infection I had this winter. I never recovered, the illness never went away. It has become chronic. What I'm experiencing isn't just like being sleepy. It is a flu-like feeling of being completely drained of energy physically, to the point where you struggle to even get out of bed.
My Mum also believes that I have this.
MyNameIsTerry
31-03-17, 10:33
When I had pneumonia and ended up with a low platelet count, I was off college for months. It took that long to recover and when it hit me I had to crawl back up the stairs to bed trying to keep my eyes open.
Prior to all that my health was typical of someone lage teens. I did have asthma so that didn't help when the pneumonia hit.
So, hopefully it's a waiting game and your doctor is right. I hope so, better it resolved itself.
As far as anxiety & depression go, tiredness for months can be the norm too. My dad said he was in bed for weeks when his depression really hit. I guess this is why they struggle to separate them from CFS/ME.
I too get very tired also had blood tests and thyroid test done nothing, For me it's still a mystery I put it down to my childhood illness so straight away discount ME.It could be something as simple as vitamin deffiencey B6 Just don't know but it's horrible. Younghon what makes you think you still have a viral infection, has your Dr said so? I would go back and say you had a viral infection this last winter that's not gone away. Hope you get some deffinate answers to your tiredness :) Cheers
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