conceptember
13-03-17, 00:20
I'm sorry for re-posting but I didn't get much replies on my other thread. (Sorry MyNameIsTerry you are very reassuring but I was hoping to also see if there were people in the same boat as me :/
hi everyone, my name is pj and i'm 20. i struggle with ocd/anxiety/depression off and on.
anyways, to make a long story somewhat short, i've been really struggling with very intrusive existential thoughts. this all started a couple years ago when i first posted on here. i was going through a tough time. my parents split up (they're ok now btw) i had a BAD spell of rOCD and everything just piled up and resulted in me becoming very depressed. And i got that scary thought that all depressed people get "am i going to be like this forever? i hope i'm not like this forever".
so, i browsed self-help forums online and came across one titled "Existential Depression". hm, okay, i'll check this out. (worst decision ever) it basically said people with existential depression get it from contemplating the meaninglessness of life. "ok? whatever" i thought. but then i read further and it said "this depression is not cureable, once you have it, you have it for life"
RED FLAG, ABORT MISSION
I always had existential thoughts before this. but they were out of curiosity, amazement. "what is the point of life? hm, idk. oh well" then move on with my life.
but after reading that and knowing these thoughts cause depression for life scared the crap out of me. so my depression got worse. every thought of hope that i would get, my intrusive thoughts would say "there's no point to that or anything, you're gonna die soon" and it was so hard to fight them because.. well it's true?
a few months passed and the thoughts went away, my life was great, got a new job, moved in with friends etc. the thoughts didn't bother me. but two years later now, they're back and i'm depressed again.
has anyone gone through this? my main fear is that i have acquired existential depression. i don't want that. i just want to live life and enjoy it, but my thoughts make it hard:( any help is welcomed. if you went through this, please tell me how you got out of it. thank you
Also, I've been bed ridden for a week or so. Is this normal that I just want to sleep? I hate it, but it's like the only thing that is comforting :(
hi everyone, my name is pj and i'm 20. i struggle with ocd/anxiety/depression off and on.
anyways, to make a long story somewhat short, i've been really struggling with very intrusive existential thoughts. this all started a couple years ago when i first posted on here. i was going through a tough time. my parents split up (they're ok now btw) i had a BAD spell of rOCD and everything just piled up and resulted in me becoming very depressed. And i got that scary thought that all depressed people get "am i going to be like this forever? i hope i'm not like this forever".
so, i browsed self-help forums online and came across one titled "Existential Depression". hm, okay, i'll check this out. (worst decision ever) it basically said people with existential depression get it from contemplating the meaninglessness of life. "ok? whatever" i thought. but then i read further and it said "this depression is not cureable, once you have it, you have it for life"
RED FLAG, ABORT MISSION
I always had existential thoughts before this. but they were out of curiosity, amazement. "what is the point of life? hm, idk. oh well" then move on with my life.
but after reading that and knowing these thoughts cause depression for life scared the crap out of me. so my depression got worse. every thought of hope that i would get, my intrusive thoughts would say "there's no point to that or anything, you're gonna die soon" and it was so hard to fight them because.. well it's true?
a few months passed and the thoughts went away, my life was great, got a new job, moved in with friends etc. the thoughts didn't bother me. but two years later now, they're back and i'm depressed again.
has anyone gone through this? my main fear is that i have acquired existential depression. i don't want that. i just want to live life and enjoy it, but my thoughts make it hard:( any help is welcomed. if you went through this, please tell me how you got out of it. thank you
Also, I've been bed ridden for a week or so. Is this normal that I just want to sleep? I hate it, but it's like the only thing that is comforting :(