Questions for those who left their partners because of their own anxiety

[strawberries]

Hello all,

I was wondering if there are any here who have left their partners because of their own anxiety. Meaning that you are the one with anxiety and chose to leave your partner because of it (not the partner having anxiety).

What made you come to that decision?

Did you love your partner, but the anxiety was too much? Or did the anxiety make you lose love for your partner?

Are you happy with your decision or do you regret it?

If you had a supportive partner, what made you feel like there was nothing they could do for you anyway?

What could have helped you through the breakup?

How did you partner deal with the breakup? Was there anything you wish your partner did to make the breakup easier for you?

Did you feel like you just couldn't make it work with this partner or did you feel like you're not suited to have partners at all, at your state?

...And anything else you would care to share.

Thank you very much.

[Clydesdale Epona]

I have left a partner over my own anxiety so I will try and answer your questions individually.

What made you come to that decision?: It honestly became a question o both our mental health, am I mentally happy? are they? in the end the answer was no and it was slowly breaking us both.

Did you love your partner, but the anxiety was too much? Or did the anxiety make you lose love for your partner?: I certain did love them, and that love never went away, I think it turned into more of a guilty love, as time went by it wasn't easy innocent love anymore because it got clouded by the thoughts, "they have to put up with me" "why are they still dealing with me" "I bet their not happy

Are you happy with your decision or do you regret it?: After the fact I'd say I was certainly not happy, but after a while I felt much better seeing them grow and me, as time went by I knew it was right decision to make, because if one or neither of you are happy, then is the pain really worth it?

If you had a supportive partner, what made you feel like there was nothing they could do for you anyway?: This is a tricky one as they were supportive in their own way but often made things worse by trying to help, they didn't understand what to say or do to make me "feel better" I'm not a huge sharer, I don't get "personal" so with that and their doubts combined i just knew there was nothing they could do

What could have helped you through the breakup?: Honestly I think everything that could help did, the only thing I was lacking was support and a shoulder to cry on but that was through my own fault because I tried to "tough it out"

How did you partner deal with the breakup? Was there anything you wish your partner did to make the breakup easier for you?: They handled pretty well, we both came to the consensus that it wasn't working out and that we should try and move on, at the start they had some regret thinking they did something wrong and could of prevented it but over time we both felt on that front

Did you feel like you just couldn't make it work with this partner or did you feel like you're not suited to have partners at all, at your state?: Honestly at that time I really believed I was not fit to have a partner and in some ways I think I was right. I was just not in a good mental state and relationships to me are like children or pets, they require a lot of responsibility and give and take and unfortunately I just wasn't ready for the whole thing, I did feel like we couldn't make it work because nearer the end it wasn't our relationship anymore, something changed and I got caught up in my head, I ignored them quite a bit and it really made them feel sad like they wasn't good enough for my time because I always seemed "busy" it became unhealthy for the both of us and ii am glad I acted upon it.

I hope this helped in someway, so sorry for making it lengthy haha x

All the best :hugs:

[Catherine S]

Clydesdale, the poster is not talking about herself here sorry, she's referring to her boyfriend who has ended their relationship and has anxiety/and anger issues which she doesn't mention on this thread. All will become clear if you read her last thread from yesterday. I only know this because I replied to her on it. But your post here is really good :)

ISB x

[strawberries]

Clydesdale, thank you so much for your reply. What you said seems to echo my ex almost exactly. I guess it's just hard for me to understand since my own anxiety is still quite mild and I'm rather high-functioning, not prone to panic attacks and under medication like he is. So the truth is, it's hard for me to believe what he's saying because I guess it's hard to imagine it if you don't have it, and for me it sounded so much like an excuse; it sounded like a situation you only see in movies and not in real life.

I guess I needed to hear it someone else who is in the same situation as him and the same mindset to really understand.

It's really hard for me, though, as someone with BPD, to let go of this. After all his professions of love and promises, that it was so easy for him to leave me like this. I'm trying hard to keep my promise to my therapist to not resort to self-harm, but it's so hard. And I'm starting to get panic attacks just thinking how can he fall out of love with me so suddenly, but sometimes thinking that I could still have a chance to get him back, considering that he's still paying for my therapy even if we're broken up, because he wants me to get better, and that means he still cares, right? I just feel so broken right now. He was the one who convinced me to get help, but when I finally agreed to go to therapy he breaks up with me.

And no, don't apologize for making a lengthy post. I really appreciated it, thank you!

---------- Post added at 22:06 ---------- Previous post was at 22:00 ----------


Clydesdale, the poster is not talking about herself here sorry, she's referring to her boyfriend who has ended their relationship and has anxiety/and anger issues which she doesn't mention on this thread. All will become clear if you read her last thread from yesterday. I only know this because I replied to her on it. But your post here is really good :)

ISB x

Hi ISB,

Yeah, I decided to leave the story out because 1) I already mentioned it on a previous thread and 2) I wanted to hear other people's stories. I just wanted to know their own experiences with their anxiety how they left their own relationships because of it. I did think Clydesdale's response was quite good myself.

[Catherine S]

That's ok Strawberries, Clydesdale obviously wasn't aware of the full story so she thought you were referring to yourself, and her questions were aimed at you, thinking you were the one who has ended the relationship. I just felt that she should know your reasons for posting.

ISB ☺ x

[strawberries]

Oh no, actually she was answering my questions. I guess it kinda looks like she was asking me questions at the first glance, but what she did was copy-paste them into her own reply before answering them :)

[Catherine S]

Ok, well I hope things work out the way you'd like them to.

Take care
ISB ☺ x

[strawberries]

It's funny that today I'd be answering my own questions, since my own anxiety just caused me to end things with a good friend that I guess could be counted as a partner in some ways, since we have an intimate relationship (polyamory/open relationship stuff).

What made you come to that decision?
-He's been my support system for a year and a half now, with all my other partners. They come and go, but he's the one who's always stayed throughout all my failed relationships and heartbreaks. But this recent breakup with my anxious ex has really put my neediness into overdrive, and I feel like I'm exhausting him. I message him on all hours of the day. He would call me at 5 am just to make sure I'm okay. He would cancel plans with other people to take care of me. He's caught right in the middle between me and my ex since he's been passing messages between us and letting my ex call him to talk about the ex's anxiety issues and dealing with this breakup and his bad behavior towards me. And he doesn't deserve that. He deserves to enjoy his life and spend time with people and have good times. When he's with me all I do is cry and cry and cry and whine about my ex, and I thought the best thing to do was to free him from this by cutting him off.

Did you love your partner, but the anxiety was too much? Or did the anxiety make you lose love for your partner?
-I love him so much. He's such an important part of my life. But I can't keep doing this to him.

Are you happy with your decision or do you regret it?
-I won't say "happy", and maybe one day I will regret it. It makes me awfully sad that I have to come to this decision. But I have his best interests in mind.

If you had a supportive partner, what made you feel like there was nothing they could do for you anyway?
-He was so supportive. TOO supportive. So much that I lost all my filters and I would yell at him and bang my fists and lash out, and he'd take all of it. And it makes me feel bad that he has to bear with all of that for me.

What could have helped you through the breakup?
I just did it today, so I don't know yet what is going to help me.

How did you partner deal with the breakup? Was there anything you wish your partner did to make the breakup easier for you?
-I blocked him from contacting me, and it's only been an hour, so I don't know.

Did you feel like you just couldn't make it work with this partner or did you feel like you're not suited to have partners at all, at your state?
-I just feel that in this state, I'm sucking him for all he's worth and he doesn't deserve that, and when it gets too much he's going to resent me for it, so I need to stop this while I still have time.

...And anything else you would care to share.
-I never thought my own anxiety would ever reach those levels where I would cut off someone I love dearly because I am hurting them. It helps me better understand why my ex left me, although not entirely because our cases are not exactly the same and I can't just guess what his reasons are.

This sucks so much, and I wish I were a much stronger person.