* Please help me * [Archive]

belle

24-04-07, 16:09

jo61

24-04-07, 16:40

Sarah I'm so sorry you feel this way. Unfortunately with panic/anxiety/depression it seems to be ups and downs. Are you on medication? Maybe you could call on your GP for help. Or do you have family you could talk to? Sorry if I sound patronising, I don't mean to. You have loads of friends on here. Don't despair, you have us to unload your problems on.

Big hugs from me.

Love Jo xx
:hugs:

Alabasterlyn

24-04-07, 17:09

I am relasping and in a BAD way too.
I'm unable to do anything right now.
I am unable to go to the shop in which i have been able to do for the last couple of years (ONLY 3 MINUTES AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!).
I am having MAJOR issues getting and taking my son to school. I am having to drive the 20 seconds (i feel so pathetic!)
I am having constant anticipatory anxiety.
I feel like a total loser.
I've tried THREE times today to get to the shop.....and FAILED!
I don't think i can live like this again. I KNOW my husband will definitely leave me if i am relasping.
Please someone offer me some help/advice/anything.
I am becoming fealful of being alone and i am anxious most of the day.

Sarah x

Sorry to hear how bad you are feeling today, it sounds awful. I'm sorry I'm new here so I don't know if you suffer with agoraphobia or anxiety on it's own, but I think at some point a lot of us have those feelings.

I don't think you are a loser, it takes a lot of strength to cope with the feelings of anxiety.

You didn't fail by not being able to get to the shops either, it's only a failure if you didn't try, but you did try and that means you have inner strength.

Anticipatory anxiety is a really horrible thing to deal with. It sounds to me like you are constantly adding 2nd fear and making yourself even more scared by the constant vicious circle you have managed to create.

Did something happen recently to make things this bad? I would suggest if you don't feel a bit better soon to perhaps talk to your Dr to get some reassurance and advice. I hope you feel better soon.

yorkylover

24-04-07, 17:13

I was like this last summer,I can walk to our local village now but thats it,anywhere else and I have to go with someone.Are you on meds or had any sort of therapy?
http://www.yourcoolprofile.com/Images/Hugs_And_Kisses/images/hugs-kisses--10.gif

belle

24-04-07, 17:48

Hi..
Thanks for responding.

Jo: Thanks. Unfortunately i don't have anyone in my life who i can talk to. I have no friends, my sister isn't interested and i don't talk to her much anyway and my husband just see's me a pathetic and that i should "get a grip". The only person who does care is my mother and she's on holiday, but if i was to tell her i was feeling worse, i would feel guilty for feeling that way.

Alabasterlyn: Yes i am agoraphobic and have been for 9 years. At one point i've been housebound for years, but i started to recover in 2002, but at the moment i can feel myself slipping back into my old ways :(
I have had a couple of scary moments while driving recently (i can only drive a mile, if that alone!!), so i am never far from home. In the past that mile was "just a mile" but now its turned into "Oh my goodness, its a freaking mile".

Ellen:hugs:: A couple of weeks ago i had a CBT assessment. Sadly i am on the 18 month waiting list. Typical. I had to wait 9 months for my inital appointment. I am not on medication, i have a phobia, which isn't great.

Sarah

tnt808

24-04-07, 18:48

Sarah,

While I am not Agoraphobic I am very sorry you are having a rough time. I only encourage you to continue to try to get out, don't let it get the best of you. You know what it is to recover, that's gotta be the best feeling! I am sorry that your husband doesn't understand you...a shame really. Do you think that might add to your anxiety?

I hope you fight this thing off.

SANDYJANE

24-04-07, 18:50

hi sarah....

so sorry your having a hard time at the mo, u know where iam if u need a chat as like you know i have noone .

love sandy xx

little mutt

24-04-07, 20:41

Hi Sarah,

Sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. Please keep trying and don't give up. When you try to go to the shop give youself a little talking to before you go. I used to give myself permission to feel anxious, I would say to myself, ' Ok I'm going to try to get to the shop, it's going to make me feel anxious because I'm scared of going out but it's ok for me to feel this way. Try to accept that while you are walking to the shop you might feel anxious but it is fine to feel like that. Also try not to feel bad if you don't make it, I used to say to myself, ' I will try to go into the shop but if I don't make it today then I WILL try again tomorrow,' I found that taking the pressure off myself made it easier and more often that not I would be able to enter the shop on the first attempt because I would keep reminding myself that I could leave and go back home whenever I wished to.Taking the pressure off ourselves makes it a whole lot easier to do the things we find most difficult. I wish you the very best of luck.
Keep smiling :)

honeybee

24-04-07, 21:21

hi hunny...

oh hun, i think the important thing to remember is that you've gotten through it before... as you said up until 2002 you were housebound,

it seems you have so much added pressure not to be anxious (by being so you believe your husband will leave you) that that alone is probably making things worse... you've mentioned your relationship a few time recently and i wonder if you're happy??? ive been thinking about your situation lately (dont mean to sound stalkery but out of all the people on here your situation is the one i relate to most) and wondering if maybe the pressure you feel from your family is maybe just adding to your anxiety???
ive kinda been in the same situation today... ive been feeling increasing depressed recently (something which is completely out of character) and i kinda hit rock bottom today, i completely broke down and my boyfriends response was that "i was just having one of those days" or that "i just needed to pull myself together", when i mentioned the possibility of anti depressants he basically said he'd finish with me cos he didnt want to be going out with a zombie... i do understand where hes coming from but i expected support - not to be put down... i did say to him that if getting better meant having to take meds and finish with him then i would cos i'd rather be with someone who supported me anyway... luckily we talked through it and sorted it out... im not exactly sure what my point is and i dont know the answers but i wanna let you know that i do understand...

as for getting your son to school... dont worry... no parent can be perfect all the time... is there a neighbour that can take him - or walk with you???

this will be just a blip and you will get through it hun...

if you ever need anything you can always PM me...

weepinky

24-04-07, 21:25

Hi Sarah,

Sorry things are bad at present but you know things have improved before and they WILL again, have you tried the free CBT course on the useful links section???? this may get you going again while on the waiting list??

Take Care and be good to yourself xx

Luv Pinky

den42

24-04-07, 21:27

hi sarah
im agoraphobic have been many years, i do manage to get out with friends coming with me to the supermarket and doc's etc and i went to the meet-up on sunday that was the farthest i had been in 5years, last december we moved into our house , i knew before i moved in i was'nt going to be well, the anxiety i felt was terrifying, i cried so much all because of anticipatory anxiety, when my partner went to work i went to my mom's house which is only down the road from me,but he had to follow me there every morning as i was sure i wouldnt make it , i couldnt come back to the house on my own, it took me till middle of january to finally do it, i just got in the car with my dog and said to myself "well if its going to happen then bring it on i'm not going to be scared to stay in my own house anymore" now dont get me wrong ,i phoned people if i felt funny, i had the telly on in one room, the telly on in another and the radio on upstairs so that where ever i went there was noise, now i can stay in my house and im not afraid ( oh and i did get the relaxation tapes out even though at times my concentration was'nt good i persevered with it and it does help)sorry to ramble on a bit but if you ever need to talk then pm me anytime and please try not to worry about what others might or might not be thinking, if you cant do something today then just try tomorrow, but remember what ever you attempt to do your not failing if you dont reach that point you've set yourself, always say well i tried ok i didnt get there today but the next time i'll try a bit further, i do know how your feeling sarah as i was at that point just a few months ago and i very much feel for you, take one day at a time and see how you go
take care
denise :bighug1:

darkangel

24-04-07, 22:10

Hi sarah
Im so sorry to hear that you are having a bad time just now. Although its awful and you feel so anxious just now remember that you have came through this before, you have overcame this and will do so again. The reason I know this, Ive been living with anxiety and panic and agaoraphobic for 10 years now and like you was doing really well. But I too am in setback just now and its an awful feeling. Like me you probably feel like you are back at square one and are over analysing and thinking you cant cope. But you can and so will I. Coming on here and talking about how you feel helps (Im not able to open up and ask for help, so that is a strength you have) - and give yourself some time and dont be so hard on yourself.
Im coping by trying to accept the feelings and let them pass (although I admit I am using avoidance again and running back home to safety again or just not going out) but Im doing lots of good things for me (massage aromatherapy oils, nice baths, practice abdominal breathing. Anything to distract (sudoku, wordsearches, search through ebay, etc).
Sarah, keep positive and give yourself a HUGE big pat on the back for what you are able to do just now.
Hugs to you and I pray that tomorrow will be a better day for us both
Luv Darkangel x

nomorepanic

24-04-07, 22:14

Small steps - one a time.

Set a goal and JFDI it.

You know you can and it will be hard but you will be glad you did.

belle

25-04-07, 09:07

Relapsing absolutely terrifies me more than anything. I know i've come a long long way from being scared to go upstairs in my house, but i now recall how easy it was to get that bad. You do just about everything you can so you don't have to experience those feelings and that is what bothers me!

......BUT.....today......is a wee different story.
(I read my messages just before i decided to JFDI, thanks Nicola!!!!!!!!)

I left the house at 8.30am and went to the shop and got the few bits i needed yesterday. Okay, so i had my little man with me, but to be honest, what is he going to do in an emergency?....lol I got back home too early to drop Stinky off at school, so i dropped my things back and we walked. YES, today i WALKED! I timed myself too. It took 4m 49 to get to the school, then i waited for 5m 27 and walking home 5m 47 and that is taking the longer route as well!

I am a little happier today.

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Is amazing how "letting it all go" to people that understand really does help!

THANKS.. :)

Sarah x

neptuno

25-04-07, 09:51

Hello Sarah !
Relapses are truly frightening because you fear that it will happen. Its not surprising that it does when we're still fearing panic. This is when we need to cram up on all the coping techniques and info we have stashed away. Get them out, dust them off, and start usung them. Don't feel guilty because you're having a tough time, its not your fault. These things happen. But the really good news it that you've gotten through it before and you CAN DO IT AGAIN. OK ? You're safe and secure so be kind to yourself

honeybee

25-04-07, 10:38

well done you... thanks great... im so glad you decided to JFDI instead on just sit there and think about it... well done hun... loadsa hugs :hugs: :yesyes:

Karen

25-04-07, 19:50

Well done Sarah. I am very proud of you :yesyes:

The fear is what keeps us all trapped in our various anxieties and worries. This is a blip and you have already shown that you didn't fall back to how low things were originally. You have learnt too much to go back to square one - all we can do is keep moving forward.

Keep going Sarah. Little steps :hugs:

Karen xx

belle

25-04-07, 20:16

Thank you so much :)

...it was ALL good this morning, but sadly this afternoon, it went all wrong again. I am SO sh*t.

Sarah

KLK1107

26-04-07, 02:00

Sarah... I know exactly what you are going through and it sucks big time!.. I just began to relapse with my panic disorder recently and it has caused me to become a bit agoraphobic! I get a panic attack EVERY single morning and I can't take it... my fiance is very understanding, but I am sure it bothers him that he has to constantly try and help me through each one and sometimes take me for what we call "panic drives".. I used to go out to lunch with my mom everyday, and lately I just can't... I can't do anything before like 2:00 and sometimes even then I can't... and then there's those days where I am all nervous and all because I have nothing to do... I just can't win...

Like everyone else said, the important thing you need to think about is that you have gotten through it before and that's something to be admired for!... I hope everything gets better with you... just keep telling yourself that it will pass! good luck!

batchelor

26-04-07, 08:52

This may work- it does for me- and I too get terrible relapses, cant go on the motorway, or be a passenger , cant eat at other peoples houses, all daft stuff I know.
Anyway- the Instant things that work for me are :
Go and put some different clothes on.
Pretend to be someone you admire. Keep the image in your head and act the part in the mirror. Could be a celebrity (or just an old school friend!) Think through how they would go to the shops.
Choose a powerful perfume/handcream/teatree oil, nice and healing - which will keep reminding you that you are a strong person really and that you would do anything to protect your son if there was a crisis.
Take a "nice thing" in your pocket and keep holding on to it for reasurance, its going to work like a child holding a safe persons hand. I take one of my mothers hankies whenever I feel scared, with a dab of perfume on it. No-one knows its my "lucky" survival tool! (My Mum died and I am so grateful that no-one else wanted her hankies!
I told someone only last night of my anxiety attacks, and guess what - she gets them too ! I would never ever have imagined it. We reckoned that they started properly when we had had children. I know I had occasional problems as a child, and forgot it, but then years later with a constantly crying baby, it got to me, and bingo! Here I am trying to say to you, that its not really as bad as you think, (you have done fantastic things in your life -you have had a child!) Thats the best thing in the world! You have come a long way already! and this is just a temporary set back, and you will always have some good and some bad days. I will think of you today. Love xx

belle

26-04-07, 09:18

Thank you for your replies.

I drove to the shop this morning and i thought i was going to go blind. What the hell is that all about?????

If its not one thing, its another!

Sarah x

beadbabe

27-04-07, 19:00

Hi there
Sorry you are feeling this way too. I have had a spell of being unable to go out, and then started to feel okay about it, but since my eldest boy has started school it has all got on top of me. Taking the lad to school every day and picking him up is a battle but please don't go into the trap of getting someone else to do it because that is a slippery slope back to never going out.

Can I ask you what happens when you do go out? Do you have really horrible physical symptoms or is it an I don't want to go out feeling? with me, I really hate the school run because everyone seems more popular than me, I am really shy but no-one thinks this (they just think I am a snob), every time I get onto the school grounds it feels like I hit a brick wall and I feel physically a million times worse than just my usual anxiety. Sometimes it brings on panic attacks - even first thing in the morning.

But I think you just have to keep forcing yourself through it - apparently if you don't do something regularly, it confirms to your emotional /irrational part of the brain that the thing you fear really is dangerous. And of course, going out is not dangerous at all.

I don't know if my ramblings will help but good luck. Please don't let anxiety take any more away from you. Try to take back your life step by step. I am trying, and hope you can too

clickaway

27-04-07, 19:09

Hi Sarah, how did it go today?

I know from personal experience how quickly we can go down in the abyss and it seems impossible to climb up again. Be we all do, and you will too.

My therapist often tells me not to measure things, so forget about how long it took you to do any part of the journey. Instead, just give yourself a big pat on the back for acheiving it. :yesyes:

Last evening, I really struggled to get to the corner shop, but today was somewhat easier. At the moment, I am just getting a few things there each day so I always have an excuse to make the trip.

Take Care,

belle

27-04-07, 20:14

HELLO :)

don't go into the trap of getting someone else to do it because that is a slippery slope back to never going out.

At the moment, the only time i get others to collect my boy is if i am really unable to do it (ie. out, at work) OR i am sick. It doesn't happen that often to be honest. I do drive if i feel that bad though. I feel embarassed as its only a 4 minute walk.

Can I ask you what happens when you do go out? Do you have really horrible physical symptoms or is it an I don't want to go out feeling? with me, I really hate the school run because everyone seems more popular than me, I am really shy but no-one thinks this (they just think I am a snob), every time I get onto the school grounds it feels like I hit a brick wall and I feel physically a million times worse than just my usual anxiety. Sometimes it brings on panic attacks - even first thing in the morning.

Its a mixture of everything you mentioned. I am hugely unpopular (had that ALL my life), no one talks to me, ever. As soon as i think about taking/collecting my son, i start to over breathe, can't get my breath properly, i feel sick and unsteady.

But I think you just have to keep forcing yourself through it - apparently if you don't do something regularly, it confirms to your emotional /irrational part of the brain that the thing you fear really is dangerous. And of course, going out is not dangerous at all.

Easier said than done. I know that panic isn't harmless, but i just can't cope with the symptoms when i am out. Ugh! Hate panic.

I don't know if my ramblings will help but good luck. Please don't let anxiety take any more away from you. Try to take back your life step by step. I am trying, and hope you can too

I appreciate ANY ramblings. I wish i could just "get over it", but 9 years in, its NOT getting any easier.

Hi Sarah, how did it go today?

Hi. Today wasn't too bad. I made it to the shop ALONE this morning (nothing to get excited about, i could throw a stone further that what i have to go!!!). This afternoon i WALKED to collect my son from school, this is something i've not done for ages. I tend to overthink it, so by 3.15pm i am SO anxious i drive to get him. I didn't feel completely at ease, but i did okay :)

My therapist often tells me not to measure things, so forget about how long it took you to do any part of the journey. Instead, just give yourself a big pat on the back for acheiving it. :yesyes:

Its hard not to compare how you're doing now, to what you have done. I've not got much to compare with, but still, i definitely makes you feel bad especially since i am struggling with the most silly things.

Last evening, I really struggled to get to the corner shop, but today was somewhat easier. At the moment, I am just getting a few things there each day so I always have an excuse to make the trip.

You may have "struggled" but you still did it. This is my downfall. If i feel even the smallest chance that a panic attack is looming, i head for home. I am a wimp.

Thank you for responding :)
Have a good weekend..
Sarah x

carl.h

28-04-07, 14:21

you`re not a wimp Sarah, for 9 years you`ve done things and guess what you survived :yesyes: Again and again you`ve gone out there and that`s a big credit to you, now you`ve just got accept the pa`s and not fight them. You know that they won`t kill you......How many here have died from them ? Yes they`re terrifying or let`s put it another way.....YOU ARE TERRIFIED OF THEM. ( Yeah so am I), but it`s our own created fear that we fear.

You`re doing far better than me,20 yards from the car is my limit and I`m a big strong man:blush::weep: Who no one will believe is anything but cool and calm.

I know you can do anything you WANT to do or HAVE to, so well done for all you`ve done, they`ll be a lot more.