Why cant I accept I have health anxiety!?? I am like Jekell and Hyde

[D Ray Morton]

Wrote a few posts, but ill try be totally honest in this thread and as rational as I can be after a bit of support if possible. (Bare with me for the length but I just feel like I want to get some of this off my chest)

Ive had health anxiety on and off for maybe 15 years/ panic attacks since late 2008 early 2009.

Which has featured many symptons. From chest pain and dodgy breathing in early years, to panic attacks, constant stiff neck, numb hands, palpatations, pins and needles. muscle issues fatigue and many more.

In the time ive had good times and bad with it like most people. But this time (since the summer) has been the worst yet. Its been the most frequent id say. In past is have a panic attack and next day would be ok. This time the symptons rarely go away and I always feel ill bar the odd day.

I spend full days trying to work and live like a normal person on edge of a some kind of panic attack, feeling off odd at all times. Even exercise now makes me out of breathe easy i boil up and sweat loads needing water and also spend the full night in bed in a panic state.

Ive been getting pins and needles in my feet and up my legs, my hands are numb a lot and shake. All my leg muscles feel tight, feel faint/hot, tingling skin(like a goosebumps feeling when you hear a good song but in a bad way which is constant and also feels pricky like burning sensation). My breathing is bad at times from a kind indegestion(acid bile at back of throat), during all this nauseous and sometimes be sick just the acid and that kind of feeling not really throwing up as such.

I have had cbt in 2013 and it helped to talk to someone. But didnt help that much long term. I just kind of got better on my own and no idea how(with odd bout when i was ill) Id just love to get back to just that.

I am not on medication at the moment took citralapram for 2 years in 2009. Which helped at start but in the end no. I was given beta blockers off doc for bit times of panic, but i felt they got me down and hindered my breathing. Though did chill me a little.

I have a b12 deficiany and got 6 injections last 2 weeks. So I was hoping a lot of physical symptoms would of faded they did a little but now im back to sq one. So all bloods bar that came back ok. I had mri for a head pain 2years ago and was fine. But I guess I am worried about other muscle diseases or nerve ones now, i think that this time all the pins and needles in legs(constantly not just through a panic attack i mean daily all day but then somedays are better than others) is this silly of me after bloods etc came back ok and mri from few yrs ago?

I havent felt relaxed for a long time i mean odd day i feel bit better i can a little but in hindsight i havent.

The hardest thing for me this time. My life baring a good relationship is really good business going well(when i am able to work) love where i live very lucky to have good friends and family etc. I have done everything my power this time stayed positive for months and months. Tried to meditiate, remember cbt coping, ask for help, eat well and just generally try to help myself. But lately im at wits end and so lost.

Been to a and e twice for the pins and needles in legs and they said its nothing to worry about(tho didnt do any tests) docs tell me its anxiety but what do I do to try get better than I am already doing?

I put in for more cbt and im 7mth into a 9mth waiting list. The only thing i stayed off was meds as found them hard when coming off them last time. Although there is a big % of me that knows this is anxiety I still think (irrationally knowing what i know) what if its MS what it its xxxx. And at times of panic and the constant illness and fatigue i struggle so bad to be rational and of sound mind.

So frustrating I look at people in street and think im so glad for you you dont have this. Its costing me things in life. I was a top poker player and had to quit more a less, other things have suffered i live life at 60%, it would be unfair to start a relationship with a girl now feeling like this, and im just totally out of ideas and at the moment i can honestly say it doesnt feel like this will ever go away.

Ive worked all week very hard which was at times so tough. As i lie here typing my full body is aching, odd pains sensations pins and needles up legs and feet and im boiling up, dizzy numb hands esp left and stiff neck( i may or not be a little ill at moment also I just cant tell what is what anymore : (

I just know I cant deal with feeling ill or anything to do with health when I feel ok i feel fine and so happy. But sadly that doesnt happen at all now and i cant even exercise ive tried 5times and i feel horrible after when it always used to help me.

Sorry if this sounded like i was whinging or complaining i just wanted to see if this sounds familiar or just not right. I have panic attacks all day not just 20mins like it says online.

Thanks for reading if you got this far and any msgs help suggestions would be great. I think i may have to try meds again.

[swajj]

Your symptoms could all be put down to anxiety and I have experienced many of them in the past. If you have been seen by a doctor and he or she has found nothing physically wrong with you then the next logical step is counselling. I'm astounded that you have to be on a waiting list for 9 months to do this. Here in Sydney Australia I could pick up the phone tomorrow and have an appointment with a counsellor by next week at the latest. Do you have any other options for seeing someone sooner?

[D Ray Morton]

Thanks for reply. Yes when i read back it does look like anxiety. But the things in legs and muscles being like this constantly for months made me worry a lot as I had hoped these issues would of been related to b12 but obv not.

No sadly I have another 2 month wait not much more I can do I have thought about some online course until then maybe. I am going back to docs this week maybe I need meds again to get through this.

[beatroon]

Really sorry to hear about this D Ray M. I can absolutely relate to where you are. And yes, it's very difficult to access good MH care in the UK. I have played the waiting-list fandango too. On the plus side, you are almost there now, and it might be possible to go private if you have the means? Even better - you have taken the important and brave step of seeking some extra help for yourself. Good stuff.

What you describe in terms of symptoms is exactly how I feel when I am bad with anxiety. It feels like all the symptoms 'can't just be anxiety' but they really, really can. The more you worry, the further down the rabbit-hole you go, and the worse the symptoms get until you are getting symptoms all the time. It can be very hard to convince yourself that there isn't something 'seriously wrong' - in fact, the anxiety is the whole of the problem and by treating that, we get some relief.

The really good thing about this is that you are recognising the beast for what it is, and getting help with it. From here, the only way is up, as Yazoo so eloquently sang. You can start with some breathing exercises - in for 4, hold for 4, out for 7, practised 4x daily for 2 minutes at first, and then gradually more and more. Perhaps exercise is a bit much for you at the moment - you could start with just a gentle walk round the block, just to get some sunshine on your face, or some gardening? You are going to the GP to discuss medication, which is sensible, and you're thinking about some online CBT to plug the gap. And you can continue to talk to us on here, as we all understand how you feel and are able to support you. This will pass, and you're doing all the right things!

I am very far from being a top poker player but I know enough to say that you will definitely get your 'edge' back. You will be like the Matt Damon character in 'Rounders', who bounces back after a couple of rough beats!

[ElectricAlice]

Ah I can really relate. I get constant pins and needles in my body. Usually in my left foot, my legs and my left hand feels numb and weird. I also get them across my back. Had a brain mri and it's fine. Seen a neurologist and she said it's anxiety related.

I honestly think most people probably get sensations like this but because we as anxiety sufferers 'zoom' in on our symptoms they seem worse.

I'd highly recommend a book called 'at last a life' - it talks about accepting our symptoms and therefore the body doesn't see them as a threat and they then slowly fade away.

I also think that most of the tingling is caused by tensing muscles without realising it. Because I get tingling where I tense my muscles the most.

Try to have a 'do you worst' attitude towards your symptoms. Don't fear them and they will slowly disappear. After all - it's annoying as hell but really the fear of the symptoms and health anxiety is much worse than the actual sensations.

Take care :)

[D Ray Morton]

Really sorry to hear about this D Ray M. I can absolutely relate to where you are. And yes, it's very difficult to access good MH care in the UK. I have played the waiting-list fandango too. On the plus side, you are almost there now, and it might be possible to go private if you have the means? Even better - you have taken the important and brave step of seeking some extra help for yourself. Good stuff.

What you describe in terms of symptoms is exactly how I feel when I am bad with anxiety. It feels like all the symptoms 'can't just be anxiety' but they really, really can. The more you worry, the further down the rabbit-hole you go, and the worse the symptoms get until you are getting symptoms all the time. It can be very hard to convince yourself that there isn't something 'seriously wrong' - in fact, the anxiety is the whole of the problem and by treating that, we get some relief.

The really good thing about this is that you are recognising the beast for what it is, and getting help with it. From here, the only way is up, as Yazoo so eloquently sang. You can start with some breathing exercises - in for 4, hold for 4, out for 7, practised 4x daily for 2 minutes at first, and then gradually more and more. Perhaps exercise is a bit much for you at the moment - you could start with just a gentle walk round the block, just to get some sunshine on your face, or some gardening? You are going to the GP to discuss medication, which is sensible, and you're thinking about some online CBT to plug the gap. And you can continue to talk to us on here, as we all understand how you feel and are able to support you. This will pass, and you're doing all the right things!

I am very far from being a top poker player but I know enough to say that you will definitely get your 'edge' back. You will be like the Matt Damon character in 'Rounders', who bounces back after a couple of rough beats!


Thanks so much for msg it really helped. Its always really good when people can relate (not in a way you'd wish someone went through it too just in a fact a lot of people in like look at you like your not right, either that or they dont admit or face them).

Yes I agree its crazy to think what anxiety can cause, I mean I feel fine today and yet all my legs are twitching and pins and needles. Guess its not something which can just disappear over night as it was the times before I had high anxiety but with different symptoms.

Thanks for kind words I am really trying and its the main thing in life id love to get better. But baby steps I guess and as you mentioned on the yazz comment ha. Only way is up and I am at least trying to put things in place.

I will also try your breathing methods thanks so much maybe something a little more simply like this will be more realistic for me to put in practice.

Keep in touch anyhow. Hope everyone is grand with you. Haha yes that would be magic. I love Rounders and anxiety is my Teddy KGB I will beat him ha.

---------- Post added at 09:31 ---------- Previous post was at 09:25 ----------


Ah I can really relate. I get constant pins and needles in my body. Usually in my left foot, my legs and my left hand feels numb and weird. I also get them across my back. Had a brain mri and it's fine. Seen a neurologist and she said it's anxiety related.

I honestly think most people probably get sensations like this but because we as anxiety sufferers 'zoom' in on our symptoms they seem worse.

I'd highly recommend a book called 'at last a life' - it talks about accepting our symptoms and therefore the body doesn't see them as a threat and they then slowly fade away.

I also think that most of the tingling is caused by tensing muscles without realising it. Because I get tingling where I tense my muscles the most.

Try to have a 'do you worst' attitude towards your symptoms. Don't fear them and they will slowly disappear. After all - it's annoying as hell but really the fear of the symptoms and health anxiety is much worse than the actual sensations.

Take care :)

Hi Alice,

Thanks for your reply. I will order that book now. Sounds great. You make some brilliant points on how to deal with this. Sorry you get it also but I am chuffed at your way of managing them.

You are right, I wont lie some symptoms are worse than other but these also are unpleasant but not life or death. I just make them this in my head. In reality if someone said to me "ah they are nothing you dont have any rare muscle disease" id likely not even be bothered or amplify them. Guess this is the skill you talk about when managing them. Something lately when my worlds been tumbling down has been harder harder.

I will buy that book thanks and take advice from all replies as they have helped me a lot yesterday. Odd how a few kind words and from people who have been there got the tshirt can help you. Thanks again : ) and hope you are well.

[ElectricAlice]

No problem I'm so glad my reply helped of sorts and it really makes it worthwhile replying when the it makes the person feel better.

I think you have an excellent attitude and you're definitely on the right track to recovery! You're exactly right about seeing them as not a threat. Treat them like a cold; they are annoying but will pass in time.

I find it really difficult to accept and even days when I don't have tingling I immediately scan my body and look for it without even realising!

I find not going on Google and not seeking reassurance really helps. And if you really need to you're way better posting on this forum than on any other!

I read on anxiety centre that averagely an over stimulated nervous system from anxiety can take around 2-6 months to recover too and for symptoms to go.

If you need to talk ever please PM me :)

[beatroon]

That's the spirit D Ray M. Once you spot anxiety's tell, it loses its power over you!

Have you been watching Billions? Cracking poker tournament sequence in the second series. Brian Koppelman writes it, I understand he used to play semi-professionally.

Did you know there's a Texas Hold'em game in the NMP arcade?

[D Ray Morton]

No problem I'm so glad my reply helped of sorts and it really makes it worthwhile replying when the it makes the person feel better.

I think you have an excellent attitude and you're definitely on the right track to recovery! You're exactly right about seeing them as not a threat. Treat them like a cold; they are annoying but will pass in time.

I find it really difficult to accept and even days when I don't have tingling I immediately scan my body and look for it without even realising!

I find not going on Google and not seeking reassurance really helps. And if you really need to you're way better posting on this forum than on any other!

I read on anxiety centre that averagely an over stimulated nervous system from anxiety can take around 2-6 months to recover too and for symptoms to go.

If you need to talk ever please PM me :)

Thanks again for support its really helped. Yes would be nice to keep in touch.

I think thats true about 2 to 6 month I say thats a really interesting study.

Its a funny one, id had a great day today felt very relaxing then tonight i started to get burning pins and needles in my foot just sat down from nothing and has been there ever since and esp when i laid on the couch with feet slightly up at the end now it is in my legs too. Im not panicking in anyway but I am concious of it and thinking what is this is it anxiety? How can it be? Is it my circulation or this or that. So irrational and stupid. I mean it isnt pleasant but as you say the thoughts worse than the actual sensations.

And yes thanks for that I will.

---------- Post added at 23:42 ---------- Previous post was at 23:40 ----------


That's the spirit D Ray M. Once you spot anxiety's tell, it loses its power over you!

Have you been watching Billions? Cracking poker tournament sequence in the second series. Brian Koppelman writes it, I understand he used to play semi-professionally.

Did you know there's a Texas Hold'em game in the NMP arcade?

Hi Bea

Ive been doing the breathing you said to try get used to it. Still tough but helps. And I hope to master it.

Loving the poker jargon. No ive not watched Billions yep but a big fan of main leads Lewis and Giamatti. Oh cool on the poker may have to drop in for a game. Thanks for msg