Having a bad day...

[Benjammin69]

Well... today is a bad day :-( too many intrusive thoughts, fleeting thoughts of suicide and worrying I will 'loose control' again.... what times bed time? Or a few diazepam to calm down?

[ChildOfTheKing]

I'm sorry you're having a bad day Hun and please don't even think of suicide it's not the answer. Maybe do some relaxation exercises, get distracted, etc. Take your medication if needed.

[Benjammin69]

Thank you :-) it's horrible feeling to not feel stable. Constant ruminating, I've had a good few days but yesterday afternoon it kicked in and it carried on through to today :-( I don't want to be at home on my own.

[snowghost57]

Sorry you're having a bad day. Don't think about suicide it doesn't help. If I am spinning out of control I take 5mg of diazepam, but only as needed. Can you get outside for a little bit? I'm in the states so it's lunch time here. Keep posting here, there are a lot of nice folks and we do care!

[ChildOfTheKing]

Thank you :-) it's horrible feeling to not feel stable. Constant ruminating, I've had a good few days but yesterday afternoon it kicked in and it carried on through to today :-( I don't want to be at home on my own.

I'm so sorry, I know the feeling of having awful rough days. Please know you are not alone, you have all of us on this board.

[Benjammin69]

I've come outside and away from my house but due to go back home soon it's the feeling of being alone and I'm impatient waiting for the meds to kick in. It's so hard I have 2 young kids and a wife and I just keep thinking maybe I'm bringing them down being this unwell. It's a tough one to battle, thanks everyone :-) is it Sunday lunchtime in states?

[snowghost57]

I've come outside and away from my house but due to go back home soon it's the feeling of being alone and I'm impatient waiting for the meds to kick in. It's so hard I have 2 young kids and a wife and I just keep thinking maybe I'm bringing them down being this unwell. It's a tough one to battle, thanks everyone :-) is it Sunday lunchtime in states?

Yes Benjammin it is 12:03 pm here in Virginia. I had a sort of a breakdown after a series of stressful events in my life. I tried therapy and found I couldn't stop crying for 2 weeks. I am now on medication, a very low dose and had terrible side effects. I'm feeling better now though. I felt like you, alone and bringing my friends and family down. I was constantly contacting my oldest daughter on facebook. Please remember, we know how you feel and it makes others feel better to be able to help you. I'm sure your wife and children love you very much. You will get through this! I did and so can you! Take it hour by hour, day by day you can get better!

[Buster70]

Hi there , been going through it as well and having family puts the added pressure on to be normal for them , I get those thoughts most bad days but we are both still here I guess you get like me you don't want to die but you don't want to live like this , it will pass and those thoughts will fade , try and find something to occupy your mind I'm going out to try and fix my dodgy fuel gauge on my van that hasn't worked for two years there is always somthing needs doing ask your partner my god she will find you a hundred things to do , take care chap .

[Benjammin69]

Thank you people :-) it's nice to talk to people on here. I'm in such a bad headspace. My depression is causing ruminative irrational thoughts and I know from therapy this is the 'depression' talking, then my anxiety kicks in and stops me doing things so I know from therapy that's the 'anxiety' talking. So it's like a constant battle between thoughts and feelings. If that makes sense? At the moment my thoughts are fixated upon overdosing and I don't want to do that? Course I don't want to die that's stupid. I have awesome job, family etc but then the 'depression' head says ' I'm a burden on them, and what would it be like without me' it's stupid. I've been on meds since august but they pooped so I'm just dealing with the highest increment of my med ( mirtazapine ) and they added 'seroquel' to try stabilise my mood and thoughts. I hate being off work.... I'l had 3 months off in august and rushed back and relapsed :-( so now I'm off again. Ah so much going on in my little brain.

[Benjammin69]

Your ruminating thoughts sound exactly like mine, is it overdosing to die or overdosing to feel better as in get more down your neck to speed up the recovery time! It's so hard this weekend I've stayed away from home because I feel that unstable :-( anxiety and depression together are like having chickenpox and measles at the same time! :-( how are you? Have you had a better day?

[snowghost57]

Thank you people :-) it's nice to talk to people on here. I'm in such a bad headspace. My depression is causing ruminative irrational thoughts and I know from therapy this is the 'depression' talking, then my anxiety kicks in and stops me doing things so I know from therapy that's the 'anxiety' talking. So it's like a constant battle between thoughts and feelings. If that makes sense? At the moment my thoughts are fixated upon overdosing and I don't want to do that? Course I don't want to die that's stupid. I have awesome job, family etc but then the 'depression' head says ' I'm a burden on them, and what would it be like without me' it's stupid. I've been on meds since august but they pooped so I'm just dealing with the highest increment of my med ( mirtazapine ) and they added 'seroquel' to try stabilise my mood and thoughts. I hate being off work.... I'l had 3 months off in august and rushed back and relapsed :-( so now I'm off again. Ah so much going on in my little brain.

I don't now much about the meds your on. I'm on Zoloft 25g made me sick on my tummy so I cut them back. We'll see how it goes. Right now I'm feeling better. You should join us over in the chat room, you can make some friends.

[Bigboyuk]

Know how you are feeling Benjammin I have just lost my job the clients complained about me (not my work) so my supervisor took me of the contract told me that there was something else and to call him in 2 days time for details which I did I have left messages and sent texts and he hasn't had the decency to get back to me so not happy hope you feel better soon mate :) Cheers

[Benjammin69]

The funny thing is I am a manager so for years I have managed cases like this but didn't really give it anytime. How god pays us back in mysterious ways :-(