royals25
20-03-17, 01:10
Hi! My name is Ian and I'm 21 years old. I've been having panic attacks and anxiety issues for a long time. It's gotten to the point to where it is absolutely unbearable. I'm not suicidal nor will I be no matter what but I don't know what do. My first panic attack was at my great aunts visitation after she passed when I was around 9 or 10. I can remember sitting in a chair in the church and then all of the sudden the room starting to spin and then feeling like I was going to pass out. Then a couple years later staying with my aunt in a far away city, I woke up in a panic attack it seemed where I thought it was a dream but it wasn't. Then the night before a baseball game in my youth and then they were gone for a long time until a birthday party in middle school that had a strobe light which provoked it. After that, the first day of high school and then not again until I left for college. In college, it was more like a week long panic attack. It was absolutely miserable. Like I wasn't living almost if that makes sense. Everything was good until I left that college and came back home and enrolled in a new school. They came back every now and then but after I left that school, I enrolled in online classes at another and I stay at home mostly as of now. The past two semesters of online classes have been horrible. My sleep schedule is completely backwards, I've gain a lot of weight, I will literally do anything else other than my classwork. A few months ago, my physician prescribed me Welbutrin which did nothing but make me agitated. Then, I went to Prozac which I thought might have been working but about two weeks in I started having problems again and nearly blacked out at a concert. I used to be very active but now I have heart palpitations basically every time I do anything physical at all. I used to enjoy working but now I panic at when I go to work. Literally every single thing that I used to love doing is just gone. I don't care. I don't want to do it because i don't want to have a panic attack. I used to write music and be very creative. Gone. Basically the only thing I can do without worrying about a panic attack is play video games or get on my computer. I went to the park on this beautiful night to play basketball with some friends and was fine at first but then that switch flipped all of the sudden and I was in a dream type awareness but fought through it at first only to start having heart palpitations after about a game and a half which forced me to quit. My symptoms are: insomnia, heart palpitations, pressure in ears, eye problems (but i have 20/20 vision), lack of appetite, and panic attacks in general I guess. I want this to go away. I can't afford to see a psychiatrist and I really can't afford to see my doctor. I'm also a MAJOR hypochondriac now. Every little thing that happens I fear the worst all the time. When I was younger I had a major phobia of tornadoes and I thought that had passed but we had a tornado come through our area about a week ago and that of course triggered problems. I definitely have a fear of dying and I'm not the most spiritual person.
In closing, I just want to be normal again. As each day goes by, I feel like I'll never be normal again.
Thanks for reading.
In closing, I just want to be normal again. As each day goes by, I feel like I'll never be normal again.
Thanks for reading.