OK OK ..I Get It. Im Not Sick But PLEASE?

[looking4answers]

Ok .. I know.. Im not suppose to be sick.. nothing wrong with me everything is great..Please someone tell my body or my mind that please????? I just got over the breathing hard thing pretty much today after three days..

But now.. The heartbeat I hear in my head has been here all day loudly and strongly .. I have this at least once a day fairly loud,but seem to get over it..Today I have had it most of the day with no relief...Tomorrow I have something to do that will be a little stressful ..and trying not to think about it to much..

I thought I was doing ok and think Ill be ok.. and the heartbeat sound is nothing more than annoying and I have had two nurses tell me that im just listening for it..I really dont believe that but well they are nurses so yes I do hear it but like i said it usually goes away..

Today I don't know if its because im stressed about tomorrow or not but its pounding and doesnt seem to be letting up..I have tried to relax and do just about everything I could to ignore it but its not giving up.I am getting a headache as well.One time a nurse told me the sound could be caused by high blood pressure but well then she said probably not.

Now I hope and pray it goes away because I don't want to feel this way tomorrow.I want to be calm and relaxed for tomorrow.I have been doing so well with being that way in normal anxious situtations.Does anyone think it could be blood pressure or im just noticing it more since im feeling a little stressed..I have heard it this loud before a lot but I find myself ignoring it and well it kind of disappears.I hope that it does before tomorrow and Im trying to relax as much as possible.If im not sick why cant my mind tell my body that and relax?

[mconlon]

Hullo!!

I remember the heartbeat listening from a few years ago. It's like being tuned in to a radio station that you can't switch off. Can I ask what may seem a simple question> - exactly how do you relax? I know I used to think of relaxing as lying still and breathing and not doing much or watching the telly or listening to the radio.

I was way over-sensitized to everything - I felt every pain, every twitch, no matter how minor and attributed it to something seriouslly wrong - I mean, surely my body wouldn't be giving me these signals if I wasn't supposed to pay attention to them - and what was worse, everyone else seemed to dismiss them - doctors, nurses, family, wife etc but I KNEW something was up cos I'm an intelligent guy and I'm not foolish.

I had to make a choice - it's really a leap of faith rejecting all that your brain and nerve endings are telling you.

I had to learn to relax each part of my body and in the beginning I did it 4 or 5 times a day - about 15-20 minutes each time - this may seem like a lot but you can even do it at you work in a chair. A book by Helen Kennerly has a good script for this - the process is called progressive muscle relaxation.

The thing I did in tandem with this is to keep a daily thought diary in which I do two things - I write down all my scary thoughts - all my aches and pains and what I think they mean. Then I write the same list out with statements that challenge these ideas - "its more likely to be muscle tension -"this is a common anxiety symptom" - all the things my friends and doctors usually say to me. I really made an effort to beleive them rather than my first reaction.

I stopped googling symptoms although I occasionally lapsed.
I stopped reading newspapers and watching the news.
When I heard conversations about illness I walked away

I had to stop looking for answers because they only produce more questions - I was spending way too much time looking for the meaning of life or if there is life after death and not actually LIVING life.

Anxiety and Panic is a hard journey - I'm still on mine, good luck on yours

Michael

[looking4answers]

First of all I feel a kindred sprit with you since my name is Michael too.I sit here and am in a state of shock..Your reply really jarred some thoughts in me.Yes I feel too that Im an intelligent guy..and whats so strange is that the thoughts you have a muscle tension were almost what I have just about put everything down to.I must have had a lot of muscle tension for years and not noticed.

But over a period of about almost a year now I lost over 40 pounds actually loosing it right before my first post on here.I have maintained this weight loss for some reason and eat what I want and plenty of it.I ask a nurse about this and she said some people just have genectics that make them get smaller the older they get no matter what.This is where my thoughts come into play..The loss of body mass has amplified the resonance of tissue that is tense and produces louder noises in my head due to the tension..Almost like a guitar produces sound with the strings tight.

You have just about put the hammer on the nail..When I relax I mean really relax the sounds and pain seem to subside..I can almost put myself in a state of total relaxation and almost a trance and then not only am I totally relaxed but the sounds and the aches seem to go away..

I am just amazed that you have been or are in the same sititutation that I am or you were.You are very perceptive and although I kept a journal that helped me for a long time.I felt what was the use.I think you are very observant in your thoughts and actions in expressing what you think is going on.I am actually shocked that our thoughts have run the same way such as the thoughts on life after death and death and so on.My conclusions have come to the same facts.To live life now instead of thinking about it.

I also think im going back to writing the things I feel again and trying to elaborate and study how the patterns are.I too have stopped watching the news and watching television and also walking away when people start talking about illness...I just wanted to tell you thank you for your insightful reply.I am just still sitting here thinking.Not only the same name the very same thougths and very same feelings across the water so many miles away but so simular..Thank you once again you have helped me so very much and on the disconnecting feelings and ignoring them.Im better but so much like you still having issues with them.I don't google anymore but have the tendency to look it up,although when I slip and do that I feel worse so I stopped it totally .Thanks once again..Michael

[mconlon]

Hello Michael!

Great name by the way! Apparently it means God like!

Glad you liked the reply. When I first got anxiety I thought I was completely on my own and even though other posters said "oh yeah I get that too" my brain tended to dismiss them because my pains and aches were so personal and unique to me. What I've come to realise is that you dont just get anxiety - you inherit the entire family of associated disorders - cousins, aunts, neices - the whole gamut. So at the moment I've got IBS, palpitations, back pain, headaches and as soon as you get close to conquering your fear about one of them another new or recurring one pops back up. Honestly it's like Whack-a-Mole!!

I've also discovered I can't give up on the techniques I use to keep the beast at bay. If I miss daily relaxation and diary writing for a couple of days the anxiety starts to sprout new shoots. This is a bit frustrating cos for a couple of days you feel anxiety free and that you don't need to do that any more, that you are "NORMAL" (whatever that is . .) but it comes back and bites you in the ass (or the bum as we say in Scotland)

I'm ok with this I suppose - some people have to take pills every day so if this is what I have to do to manage my condition then I guess I'll just treat it as if I have asthma or something - it maybe can't be cured but at least it may be managed.

I used to be a bit heavier too and there is now less body fat for the noise to be absorbed by so not they get a fast track to my earhole!

As far as being intelligent goes I think this condition leaves your brain with a record that is stuck on the one track - always asking questions "Why" and "What's this" and "What does this mean" - and although having a questioning brain is good for learning I sometimes long to be a person who just doesn't ask those questions and for whom thoughts of life and death never cross their mind - we've all met them I'm sure and it maybe explains why my hero is Homer Simpson - big dumb ass whose life is Marge and the donut.

A useful thing my doc told me was that I was too "cerebral" - I kept trying to get my brain to control my body, its aches and pains etc. He rightly pointed out that an intelligent brain is a relatively new development in humans and that in actual fact we can get our body to control our brain - especially that obsessional part. So by regularly relaxing our bodies our brain becomes relaxed and less inclined to go searching for pain and for change.

a good book on this is "Healing without Freud or Prozac" by some guy I can't remember!!

Cheers and good luck Michael
Michael

[looking4answers]

Michael.. as I said seems kindred..You telling me what im feeling and me feeling what you are telling and im going right now to find a place to journal..Thanks so much for your input on everything.You have spoken my deepest darkest thoughts and gave your insight on it..and you first hang have experienced it.. And yes .. Michael does roughtly translate to God Like...
Actually my given name is David Michael .. Translated Beloved of the lord.. My mother did not know this and I was named because that because my brother said hey lets name him David Michael.. odd because those two names are the number one names of the twentieth century. lol but please no one ever use the "D" word I hate that name.I am Michael lol.. take care and thanks much.. Im off on the journal quest..