I'm exhausted by all this

[Carrie8484]

Not sure if in correct section. I need to vent. I don't expect many replies or attention. I just can't cope right now.

I've had this upper right abdominal pain for almost 3 months now.
It is just under my right rib and reaches to the right of my belly button.
It's constant. Like a stitch crossed with a stabbing pain. I'm exhausted , emotional, sick to death of it all. The sensation is also like a hard knot where the pain is but I can't feel a physical lump. I've taken IBS meds, anti bloating meds, etc. Nothing touches it.

Last night the pain was like a hot iron poker stabbing me constantly in that side.
I couldn't sleep but eventually gave in and took soluble paracetamol and it took ok the edge off enough to get a few hours.

I've waited 4.5 weeks for an ultrasound and it's on Wednesday. I know I'll need more imaging - either a CT or maybe even colonoscopy. Scared it's a tumour. In my mind, it can't be anything else. So I know that I'll need more tests and that involves more waiting. More wondering what this could be.

Blood test result was normal. But for the first time in my life I have high blood pressure. So that's another worry.

My dad's just had another mini stroke so I am concerned for him. and I have 2 large conferences coming up. One is next weekend in London. Not sure how I'll manage it to be honest.

I wish there was an 'off' switch right now. I need a break from the pain and all this.

[beatroon]

Carrie, really sorry to hear about this. You sound like you've got an awful lot on your plate, what with your dad and the conferences coming up, and of course the pain in your side. Chronic pain of any kind is very draining on the whole person.

I'm glad that you are having the right investigations done, that all sounds very positive. With my CBT head on, I wanted to challenge (in a nice way!) a couple of things you've said in your post, just to check that you're not applying anxious logic to your situation. I hope you won't mind this approach - I find it helps when I'm in the pits of despair. I don't mean to imply you are an illogical person, but when we're anxious things can seem black and white when really they're a friendly shade of grey.

You've said that you're sure you'll need more imaging - is this something the doctors have indicated to you? Not questioning it, if so - but if they haven't said that, then it may be premature to worry in advance about further tests.

When you say 'in your mind it can't be anything else', to my mind that sounds very much like classic anxiety talking - it's exactly the kind of rationale my anxiety tries to come up with to make me believe the worst-case scenario.

I can think of various other things it could easily be - not sure of your age, but gall bladder, or hernia, for example, or I'm sure about 1000x other things that only doctors have heard of and that we never think about because they're less well known than cancer.

The great thing is that the ultrasound is on Wednesday, so not long to go until then. Perhaps it might be worth talking to your GP about how you're feeling anxiety-wise? They might be able to reassure you about the pain and give you some better tablets. There's no sense in sitting feeling uncomfortable, it doesn't do your body any good and only reminds you that you feel unwell, which reinforces the anxiety. As my sister says (she's a GP and gets impatient when people won't take their pain medication): 'That's why God invented the poppy!'

Good luck and let us know how you get on on Wednesday!

[Carrie8484]

Thank you for your very kind reply Beatroon

I haven't taken painkillers (bar a couple of paracetamol) so far because I was thinking it would only mask what was really going on.

I am just anxious and concerned at the length of time i've had this pain.
I am almost 33. I am average weight for my height. Gallbladder issues have been mentioned by the GP, but I am not sure how typical my symptoms are for gall stones.

I googled once and the words liver and pancreatic tumours came up so i haven't googled since then.

The Dr I saw about this only saw me for 2 minutes and was very ... disinterested. She was going through her queue of patients (at the morning walk in surgery at my local practice) ten times faster than all the other doctors so i knew when i was called in she wouldn't see me for long. so i dont think i got a 'thorough' appointment, far from it. she felt my belly briefly then said she would send me for ultrasound. It was only when I rang my regular GP for a phone call appointment that i was sent for a blood test.

I worry at the length of time everything is taking, and I am concerned at how bad things might be progressing the longer i wait. Health anxiety is evil.

Thank you so much for your reply though, it means a lot x

[beatroon]

Well, now that you're getting your tests done, you probably don't need to worry about masking the pain - pain is there to be dealt with, ever since the invention of aspirin from willow twigs or whatever in the 16th century (don't quote me on dates!) and you're getting to the heart of what the problem really is, so it's not irresponsible to take them. I reckon your GP could sort you out with the right dose and kind of painkillers.

Well done for not Googling. That's terrific. I know how hard it is to resist the temptation when you're feeling anxious - hats off to you!

Health anxiety is, as you say, evil, but you've done the right things in getting suitable medical help. You can be reassured that the tests will show what's going on, and I bet it won't be anything like as dire as you predict. Of course it's natural to feel unsettled when something feels out of whack in your body, but there is no sense in letting the anxiety boss you about.

All best!

[Carnation]

Oh Carrie,

Firstly, you need a hug :hugs:
Now take a deep breath and slowly release it.
Now let's see what we've got here to deal with.

The pain in your stomach can not be guessed and you seeing someone about that on Wednesday. BUT! If you took a paracetamol and it eased it, it could well be something far less scary than your mind is leading you to believe.
I can relate to waiting and not knowing, but you have a little wait now until Wednesday.

Your high blood pressure will have been a shock as is was to me a year ago.
I think you can relate that to all the stress, workload and worry you have been through recently. My Bp is so up and down with everything going on in my life, so you have to take that in to consideration. Better to be tested when you are in a better place.

Sorry to hear about you dad, but it doesn't mean to say that anything bad is going to happen to him. He probably needs to change a bit of his lifestyle and diet.
I had one myself 12 years ago.
It's just a gentle warning to your dad to take care of himself a bit more and I am sure he will.

I know your work is gruelling and helped along by your boss.
But, please, please, put your health first. If it's not possible, then it can't be done.

Yes!!!! You DO need a break. This is something you definitely need to do. x :hugs:

I suggest; Corrie, cuddles from cats and a nice milky coffee before you go to bed.

[Kay8010]

Thinking of you today :) x

[unicorndusy]

I am exhausted by my HA too as of late. I always google the day away and by night I am still up on my phone looking things up. I know everyone says it but try and relax hun, honestly things DO get better in time and we all will recover one day. It's the journey there that takes the worst toll on us all. Remember we are all here for you xx