Slipped into bad Anxiety, thinking about moving home at 33.

[vapourtrail]

Hi there,

Hopefully I am posting in the correct section but I apologise if not.

So, I currently live in London, have a decent job doing something I mostly enjoy and a nice enough house with a nice flatmate, although it is getting too expensive here and I have been considering moving back to my home town in the more northern parts of England for a while.

Basically, a few things happened lately that have pushed me into really bad anxiety, the likes of which I have not experienced for years to this level, feeling sad a lot, always anxious, constantly worrying, do not want to see friends....it's got really bad. I am almost silent at work, feel horrible in the morning, I am looking at pictures of beautiful places, friends having fun, people going on trips and thinking I won't be able to enjoy this again because of how bad my anxiety has got. I am not eating much, mainly drinking water and snacking when the anxiety lifts enough for me to get something down.

The only thing that is making me feel better at the moment is the fact I am going home to My mothers tomorrow evening for 5 days although the thought I will have to return to London is making me worry and sad...

I have considered the fact that if this carries on, I may need to up sticks in London, leave the job and retreat to be closer to my family for a while as at the moment, this is the only thing that is making me feel like I could feel happy and not anxious/stressed, to be in the safe space of my old home....with the view to finding work up there eventually and maybe one day moving away again when I feel better, have seemed professional help and addressed a few things. But all my friends are in London, my job is and I'm worried what it will look like, moving home for a bit to my Mums at 33 when I have a life here...what would people think? How would other family members think of me? I am from a loving caring family, but the thought of what others might think if I up-sticks and moved home because of this makes the anxiety worse, but I really think at the moment, my family home is the only place I can feel normal and relaxed.

Two or three weeks ago I was thinking about what I wanted to do for holidays, interior design of my place, listening to music, enjoying movies.....now I do not care about any of that at the moment.

Have any of you done this? Am I being too drastic in my supposed actions?

Any thoughts appreciated, thank you! :)

[vapourtrail]

No opinions or thoughts anyone?

Would be appreciated.

[beatroon]

Hi Vapourtrail,

I don't think you're way off the mark thinking of moving home - it's natural when one is anxious to think about the safe space of one's parents. And it isn't anybody else's business what you need to do in order to feel better, so don't worry about what people would think.

That said, it would be worth thinking hard about what the stressors are that are causing you to feel this way. Is it the end of a relationship? The fact of not really liking your job? The place you live? London itself? And whether those things would be fixed by moving closer to where you grew up.

I would enjoy your upcoming break, perhaps use it to talk to your family if you have a close relationship about how you're feeling, and line up a GP appointment for when you get back. They will be able to advise about how to treat the anxiety - whether you could benefit from some counselling, medication, CBT, or whatever else might help. Take it from there.

Good luck!

[vapourtrail]

Hi Vapourtrail,

I don't think you're way off the mark thinking of moving home - it's natural when one is anxious to think about the safe space of one's parents. And it isn't anybody else's business what you need to do in order to feel better, so don't worry about what people would think.

That said, it would be worth thinking hard about what the stressors are that are causing you to feel this way. Is it the end of a relationship? The fact of not really liking your job? The place you live? London itself? And whether those things would be fixed by moving closer to where you grew up.

I would enjoy your upcoming break, perhaps use it to talk to your family if you have a close relationship about how you're feeling, and line up a GP appointment for when you get back. They will be able to advise about how to treat the anxiety - whether you could benefit from some counselling, medication, CBT, or whatever else might help. Take it from there.

Good luck!

Hi beatroon,

First of all, thank you for taking the time to answer, I truly appreciate it.

You are right, I know it is not other peoples business. It's just hard to disconnect the feeling of worrying about what people will think and talk about in regards to the situation you are in, why is he doing this, what for....when you have a friendship network or an extended one, semi-close friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, extended family....you simply cannot take the time to explain to all of them why you might choose to move him for a while to recover and relax from a major anxiety period, it would be exhausting. So that worry does play on my mind as well as the worry about if I should even do it and if it is the right thing to do.

Okay, well, regarding the stressors. I am a little embarrassed to mention it if i am honest but here goes.

A few weeks ago I started getting what I think/thought are some skin issues, nothing major but some bites or spots. I have had a paranoia about things such as this for a while, many due to worrying I would get or have bed bugs and I started to see evidence that I might have them. Basically, some people have disproved some of this evidence of probably not being them and I have not seen any actual bed bugs but I have been getting these bites or spots, some in pairs which is what they tend to do. But they have not been increasing as such and I am not covered in them. I realise that I might not have them and there is a good chance I do not and the evidence I have seen could just be coincidence and the anxiety is causing me to look for everything. The thing is, some of the spots or marks could just be a natural skin issue, caused by anxiety, caused by a health issue, but some could be bites because of how they look, they could be separate issues. There is no point going over all the reasons why or why not I may have them, because at the end of the day, the anxiety is now here and I need to find a way to rationalise and calm down.

I think it has also made me realise that I am not so happy in London and I want to maybe be somewhere more relaxed and less hectic. But it is hard to know if this is just my defence mechanism talking or if I am making excuses for getting outta there.

But, the fact of the matter is whether I have them or not, in my head there is a possibility I might have them and this is causing me to be incredibly horribly uncomfortable at home which I once loved and really loved being in, it was my relaxation space and I enjoyed making it nice and attractive. But this has triggered my, often but low laying anxiety into a very bad anxiety thus causing me to be anxious about many other things and cause an overwhelming anxiety and feeling of being down, sad, a little hopeless and hard to focus on the good. So my defence mechanism is to move home, which is what I did the last time I had this level of anxiety so bad which is after I finished my degree in London, I moved home for a while.

I do have a close relationship with family. I have spoken with my Mum about it and she is trying to help and being there for me but also suggests I speak to a counsellor/therapist which is what I am going to do when I get back to London. I am enjoying being here and the break but also there is the underlying worry that I have to return to London in a few days and the anxiety will be terrible.

I am close with my Dad too, but he has had a hard year with illness and I worry about explaining all this to him. I am meant to be going to see him in a week or so too but I keep thinking "what if I do have bed bugs and I bring something up with me" etc etc etc. Sounds weird, I know.

Sorry, I know this was super long and maybe sounds a bit weird but we can't help what triggers us and sets us off on the anxiety spiral I guess!

[vapourtrail]

Hey all, any views on this? please?

[beatroon]

Hello again,

Would have replied sooner but have been taking a bit of a break from the site, for work reasons. Thanks for checking back in and letting us know what's been happening and causing the anxiety.

First of all, don't feel silly at all about the bed bug thing - everyone has their own worries and triggers as you say, and it's the nature of the anxious mind to fixate on something pretty random and worry about it to the point of obsession. The content of the obsession doesn't matter at all, it's just a target for the brain to latch onto to express naturally occurring stress in your life.

To reassure you, I know of two people who have been bed bug 'victims' :) and both of them said that it was absolutely unmistakable what was going on. I won't go into the graphic nature of it but you would know by now if your house was infested. There may be another explanation or it could be your anxiety just blowing something up out of nowhere. The act of checking your skin repeatedly will make everything look like a funhouse mirror, you won't remember what's normal now and what's not, so my advice is to just stop checking. It will be hard at first, but definitely worth trying.

To focus on the positives, you have a lot going for you, which is that all this is highly treatable, and your family are supportive, which is great. I think the counselling is a great idea, and it might be worth going to your GP to discuss this particular worry about your skin, and about your anxiety, as they might recommend different types of resources or counselling - CBT, for example. You could also try some mindfulness - My Name is Terry has a brilliant resource which can be accessed from his signature.

Personally, I think it would be worth tackling the anxiety before making a major life change such as moving home - the advice to not make big adjustments whilst anxious is pretty sound in my experience - but give yourself a time limit. So, you might say, OK, I'll stay put for a while and try to get on top of how I'm feeling, but if in another six months or a year I don't feel right, I'll move home. In the meantime, your home isn't going anywhere, so you could plan a few trips for self-care over holidays or long weekends. Unless you're feeling really really bad/terribly depressed, in which case of course your health comes first.

Take care of yourself, and keep us posted on your progress! I bet that with a bit of GP help and support you'll be back to yourself in no time. Your home in London was your home before all this started, and nothing has changed except your anxiety levels - you can get back to feeling good!

[Kavita]

Hi Vapourtrail

I am having the same thing! I am new to forums so please bear with me if I don't make sense.

Me and my husband have been discussing moving out of the UK for 2 years now! and now that it is finally happening I don't feel like I used to about it. For 2 years I googled researched and looked at flats, schools, jobs and now all I do is worry!

But the problem is I don't know what the worry is about. I 100% want to go but all of a sudden I keep getting this black cloud over me. it lasts about 10-20 mins but those are the worst minutes! It has been happening for about 2 weeks now.

First time I got anxiety was during my wedding, 3 years ago and and that time, even doctors couldn't tell me that my chest pain wasn't a heart attack but a panic/anxiety attack.

I am doing yoga breathing (please google this), eating healty, trying to go for walks. Even though this might not be helping, I know that I am rying everything to help myself.

I even saw a counsellor and made me so much better to talk to someone who I don't know. Please think about this too.

What I have also learnt us to accept that attacks will happen. and when they do don't fight it, but tell yourself that this is uncomfortable but NOT dangerous. and ride the wave.

Make a diary, I started that yesterday and Have one page but writing stuff down helps.

I know you probably get all this advice online but remember you will get over it. Its just your brain saying "red alert" for some reason!

Hope this helps!! :)

[snowghost57]

I think it's great that you have a family that supports you! If that is what you need to feel better about yourself then do it! As for bed bugs, if you were infested you would know about. I would get some support for the anxiety that will help you tremendously. Posting here will help too. I'm in the states so the time difference is about 4-5 hours. Many folks are asleep when I'm online and vice versa. Keep posting, it does help to get your thoughts out of your head. Good luck!