Shadowwin
25-04-07, 19:03
Today is the first time in over a year i've spent anytime alone I'm not doing too badly with the alone part but I have been anxious/depressed about other things. This last month and a half has been a whirlwind for me I've been to so many doctor appointments that it is amazing i've held it all together.
So here I sat while my boyfriend is at work had a pamper me day starting with a lovely 45 min shower but as the afternoon wears on I feel worse.
For 10 years I have been trying to find out what's wrong with me why I kept gaining weight, why I couldn't loose it when I tried to diet, why I couldn't get pregnant and why my cycle had seemed to shut down couple with a few other noticeable issues that my primary doctor seemed to all but ignore I had all but given up when trying to figure it all out.
Well my bf and I moved from Buffalo,NY to Niagara Falls, NY just before winter which meant in most cases it was a 45 min drive to any of my old doctors. Which at the time I was lucky I could drive 20 mins to work 45 mins seemed totally out of the question. So I started looking around the area.
By March I had put together a new team of doctors to see and it was the BEST thing I ever did after the first visit to my new OB/GYN and a round of blood work she had a diagnosis for me Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome with Insulin Resistance (Which is the pre-cursor to Diabetes Type II also refered to as Pre-Diabeties) before I knew it I was sitting in an Endroconologist's office scared out of my wits. I hate doctors I even put off going to the Dentist because they scare me especially when the doctors are new to me luckily she was young and hadn't been out of med school all that long so she really knew about the condition and she diagnosed me with Metabolic Syndrome which is a coupling of IR mixed with hypertension, hypothyrodism and high cholsterone the whole thing becoming a metabolic harvey wallbanger and lo and behold I had become an estrogen factory that is why I couldn't concieve!! I had very little progesterone in my body from all the insulin!! So I go on Metformin 1000 mg 2x daily *blinks* Yes I was terrified.. meds..meds.. more..meds all I had take for years was my Effexor for my panic attacks.. now they wanted me to take more meds? AHHHHH yes I freaked all I could think about and imagine was all those chemicals flowing through my body and mixing together..wonderful thing to do to someone with health anxiety..hell I wont even taken an asprin for a blood headache and you want me to do what? lol it was stressful but with my bf's help I did it..After many many panic attacks over the issue.
Well from there I ended up in the Dietician's office and we started working out a diet. Started out on 1700 calories a day, 212 g carbs, 57 g fat.. within the first two weeks I had lost 7lbs.
Now I'm sure your all wondering what has her anxious this sounds great!!! Well here it is.. what if it doesn't work? What if all the meds are for nothing and what if how I feel now suddenly goes away again. What if I start to gain weight again or worse what if I stop loosing it again. My biggest fear up till now has been what if I don't live to see my 35 birthday? I'm only 33 now.. I've been terrified I'm going to die from some rare complication of all these things going on inside of me...
To make it worse I was back at the OB/GYN on Monday and they of course have to restart my cycle which they are going to do by putting me on Progesterone only Pills, Micronor is the name of what she is prescribing after I do my 2 week waiting period and my blood test to make sure I'm not pregnant which I know I'm not but.. *rolls eyes* she has to do it to cover her butt... *sighs* I could cover her butt with a home test but no I have to have a blood test blah.. I'm terrified of taking BCP blood clots,strokes,heart attacks ACK.. just seeing those words make me a nervous wreck and I have to take this pill everyday?!!! I know it's for the best since I know it's dangerous not to have a cycle when your still supposed to but oi.. I can't help but wonder if it's worth it..
Well I think that is all for now thanks for reading/listening
~Trina
So here I sat while my boyfriend is at work had a pamper me day starting with a lovely 45 min shower but as the afternoon wears on I feel worse.
For 10 years I have been trying to find out what's wrong with me why I kept gaining weight, why I couldn't loose it when I tried to diet, why I couldn't get pregnant and why my cycle had seemed to shut down couple with a few other noticeable issues that my primary doctor seemed to all but ignore I had all but given up when trying to figure it all out.
Well my bf and I moved from Buffalo,NY to Niagara Falls, NY just before winter which meant in most cases it was a 45 min drive to any of my old doctors. Which at the time I was lucky I could drive 20 mins to work 45 mins seemed totally out of the question. So I started looking around the area.
By March I had put together a new team of doctors to see and it was the BEST thing I ever did after the first visit to my new OB/GYN and a round of blood work she had a diagnosis for me Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome with Insulin Resistance (Which is the pre-cursor to Diabetes Type II also refered to as Pre-Diabeties) before I knew it I was sitting in an Endroconologist's office scared out of my wits. I hate doctors I even put off going to the Dentist because they scare me especially when the doctors are new to me luckily she was young and hadn't been out of med school all that long so she really knew about the condition and she diagnosed me with Metabolic Syndrome which is a coupling of IR mixed with hypertension, hypothyrodism and high cholsterone the whole thing becoming a metabolic harvey wallbanger and lo and behold I had become an estrogen factory that is why I couldn't concieve!! I had very little progesterone in my body from all the insulin!! So I go on Metformin 1000 mg 2x daily *blinks* Yes I was terrified.. meds..meds.. more..meds all I had take for years was my Effexor for my panic attacks.. now they wanted me to take more meds? AHHHHH yes I freaked all I could think about and imagine was all those chemicals flowing through my body and mixing together..wonderful thing to do to someone with health anxiety..hell I wont even taken an asprin for a blood headache and you want me to do what? lol it was stressful but with my bf's help I did it..After many many panic attacks over the issue.
Well from there I ended up in the Dietician's office and we started working out a diet. Started out on 1700 calories a day, 212 g carbs, 57 g fat.. within the first two weeks I had lost 7lbs.
Now I'm sure your all wondering what has her anxious this sounds great!!! Well here it is.. what if it doesn't work? What if all the meds are for nothing and what if how I feel now suddenly goes away again. What if I start to gain weight again or worse what if I stop loosing it again. My biggest fear up till now has been what if I don't live to see my 35 birthday? I'm only 33 now.. I've been terrified I'm going to die from some rare complication of all these things going on inside of me...
To make it worse I was back at the OB/GYN on Monday and they of course have to restart my cycle which they are going to do by putting me on Progesterone only Pills, Micronor is the name of what she is prescribing after I do my 2 week waiting period and my blood test to make sure I'm not pregnant which I know I'm not but.. *rolls eyes* she has to do it to cover her butt... *sighs* I could cover her butt with a home test but no I have to have a blood test blah.. I'm terrified of taking BCP blood clots,strokes,heart attacks ACK.. just seeing those words make me a nervous wreck and I have to take this pill everyday?!!! I know it's for the best since I know it's dangerous not to have a cycle when your still supposed to but oi.. I can't help but wonder if it's worth it..
Well I think that is all for now thanks for reading/listening
~Trina