Advise from mothers please

[Seuria]

i am not sure i have this posted in the right place, i suffer with panic attacks and a few others illness's. i REALLY want to be a mother but i am worried how it will affect my conditions. also how the authorities will look at the situation. i dont want to have a baby to then have social services look at my medical history and decide i am not a fit mother and take my baby away. i am married by the way, i just wanted to see how other mothers cope.

thanks guys

[belle]

Hi..
My panic attacks/agoraphobia started while i was pregnant, so the midwives knew about it. I was *briefly* well after the birth but then i got really sick and i was housebound. I ad therapists come to my house, doctors etc all while i was unable to leave home. It was never mentioned ONCE that i was being a bad mother. Despite panicking all day (at one point), i ALWAYS cared for my little boy. Washed, clean clothes, nappies, interaction, fed. Yes, at times it was hard, but then its hard for any new mother.
Unless you are harming your child, the authorities cannot take your child away from you.
I would suggest that maybe get in a mental place where maybe PA aren't so bad. I would one day perhaps like another child, but right now, i know that i just wouldn't deal with having one, especially since the risk of PND is quite high for someone like me.

Sarah

[nanny]

hi seuria

I am 48 tomorrow and have had anxiety (chronic) since the age of about 14, also panic attacks and everything that goes with it.
Please do not worry about being a mum.
I have 2 boys (now age 30 and 27) my anxiety has NOT affected them in any way and made me no worse a mum. my boys are confident, affectionate, and have had no problems whatsoever, so you have your babies and don't worry

Nanny x

[nanny]

p.s

infact i am now waiting for my first grandchild, and i can't wait. due in september....................

nanny

[Alabasterlyn]

I've had anxiety since the age of around 15 which developed into agoraphobia over the years. By the time I had my son when I was 22 I was pretty bad with my agoraphobia but I never had one Dr make any comments about my ability to be a good mother. The things I couldn't do with my son myself I would ask my husband to do and my son did all the things any other child would do and things were fine.

However when my son was 9 my husband left me and being alone with a child and also being agoraphobic was very hard, but once again I never had anyone try to insinuate that I couldn't be a good mother and have anxiety too. My son is now 29 and married and I am proud of how he has turned out.

The best thing anyone can give their children is love and support and I don't think having anxiety means that you can't give both to any child that you have.

[nanny]

Hi
I actually think that being anxious people ourselves who are sensitive, i think we tend to show more care, love and consideration because that is what we need.
I agree that as long as you do give your children love and support, be there when they need you etc then NO ONE can say you are a bad mum.

nanny

[groovygranny]

Hi Seuria!

Wise words from Sarah, Nanny and Alabasterlyn:yesyes:

Although my girls are grown up now and lead their own lives - I was still worried how they would react when told that I was off sick from work because of depression/anxiety/panic.

I thought they might think I'd failed them somehow as we have a very open and honest relationship with one another, and I was unable to communicate to an acceptable level at the time.

I needn't have worried - they were marvellous:blush:!!

In my opinion, unconditional love is the most important ingredient and, by what you have said and the concerns you have raised, I reckon you have that in you!

Take care :hugs:

PS: Nanny, you're in for a treat! My second is due in May, and I can't wait either! Fab 'aint it!!:flowers:

[ashnjim]

Hi obviously your going to get alot of different feedback on this matter, as we all suffer different panic attack and symptoms.
i myself want to have kids in the future too i am only 19 just now and my partner is 49 we have been seeing eachother for 3 years and i have thought about kids but do think its too early yet but would like some in a few years.

i suffer from panic attacks and depression sometimes because of them, you are all probably getting sick of hearing this but my panic attack cause me to have Ibs (irraitable bowel syndrome) my stomach just goes when i panic.

anyway getting to the point, i have thought about kids for the future, my mum has just had a baby and like any one i have became a bit broody.
i would like some kids in a few years but am terrified myself because i cant get out the house alot because i have a fear i will well have an accident in a better way of putting it. and i think if i cant get out the house its not fair on bringing a baby into the world because having kids is demanding say i had to go for its check ups etc and i couldnt get out of the house for the panic attack. so this is my view on myself.

this is only my opinion for someone who has the same symptoms as me.

Ashley :)

[Seuria]

thats comforting, i spoke to my counsellor about it but he's a bloke and i wouldnt be me unless i was paranoid. its good to know that it can be done. I also worry that when it comes to it i wont be able to get my child to the doctors etc. i am terrified of buses you see. i work on the theory that if it was needed i would do it cause its not for me its for my little one.

[ashnjim]

we are quite similar i also dread buses and trains, any form of public transport and i panic of the thought of it.

yeah i think that way too if push came to shove and all that and i had a kid that needed to go out then maybe things would change and i would do it, im just sharing my opinion love at the end of the day it is all up to you and whatever your choice will be.

dont shoot me for saying this but i think you should try and fight the panic attacks first before having kids even if you are in control of them that is bound to be better than them being in control of you, yeah?

:hugs:

[Seuria]

oddly enough, trains i am fine with. i have my attacks mostly under control, apart from the buses thing. i have a wonderfully supportive husband but my atacks are something i am going to have to live with. if something worries me then they will start again.

i figure i am at the best place now that i will ever be.

[nanny]

Hi Ladies
I don't mean to sound blas'e about this, but i think once you do have kids you will find you put them first above anyone and anything, so you will be surprised what you will be able to do......... honest!!

Groovygranny
yes it is fab, lucky you with your second on the way, it's like i'm pregnant myself lol as funny as that sounds coz i'm expecting something lol.

nanny