Temascos
27-03-17, 22:47
Hi there
Little bit of background on myself. I'm a short guy, nearly 30 years old, and I generally keep active and healthy. Until recently (When I fell ill again, but we'll get to that soon) I was getting up at 6:00 am to go running for an hour, have time for a healthy breakfast and plenty of stretching to go, sometimes even strength training if time permits.
But this is alongside my anxiety reaching new heights. During the summer of 2016 an insect bit me on the leg while I was out jogging, and my leg swelled up so massively it began to bleed. Being hospitalised for a couple of days was bad but what really terrified me was when I fainted.
At the hospital I was walking around as much as I could within reason, and suddenly I heard a deafening ringing in my ears, and I began to lose conciousness. I was grabbing onto beds, anything I could get my hands on to avoid falling on the floor but it just did not happen, I fell to the floor. I got up almost instantly but it was at that moment I realised I wasn't the young guy impervious to illness anymore, I was getting weak and probably even dying. I cried my eyes out at that realisation, for me that was even worse than the actual reason I was there! The doctors ran their tests and eventually once the bite had healed I was free to go.
Over the next few months during winter I started a new job, but one that carries more responsibilities than I'm used to so I frequently stress about those. Overall it's a great job though so few complaints there, except for the fact it's in an old building and everyone works in close quarters, making it ripe opportunity for diseases to spread. I sometimes caught things not long after other workers but nothing too bad, but at home I had my own worries.
Every single time I felt a persistant sensation, like on the arms,or in the chest. I would obsess, research, pick my family's brains (Helps having a mother who works as a nurse) and of course, Dr Google (Ya evil sod!). It wasn't just what the sensation was and what it meant, I wanted to know WHY, why would it appear so often and for so darn long, what was the cause, how could I stop it myself? And given that this forum's focus is on anxiety there are no prizes guessing what a lot of these sensations or pains where, simple anxiety!
Recently I had been improving on myself, and not having any worries at all. I would wake up early in the morning, really push myself and heck even add in new exercise methods with fuller stretches. I felt freaking great and I was having more varieties of fruit and veg than ever before, not like I was doing badly before.
But now I've caught a chest infection, a bacterial one that has had me in night sweats, lacking energy and appetite, and even coughing not just mucus but very tiny traces of blood. "I worked my butt off constantly, attempting to head off disease and illness before it came to me, I wanted to be able to not worry about a damned thing and not having health fears rule me. AND THIS HAPPENS!?" That was my train of thought. I've been given antibotics so we'll see how it goes but it always comes back to one thing in my mind.
No matter what I do, it's never good enough. Not for my body, or for anyone else. It always fails and sometimes I ask if it was worth even trying.
Sorry for the long rant on this, I thought I was over my anxieties and real life decided to give me a real illness to remind me that I fail no matter what.
Thanks for reading, I hope to get over this soon but are there any pointers? Kind regards.
Little bit of background on myself. I'm a short guy, nearly 30 years old, and I generally keep active and healthy. Until recently (When I fell ill again, but we'll get to that soon) I was getting up at 6:00 am to go running for an hour, have time for a healthy breakfast and plenty of stretching to go, sometimes even strength training if time permits.
But this is alongside my anxiety reaching new heights. During the summer of 2016 an insect bit me on the leg while I was out jogging, and my leg swelled up so massively it began to bleed. Being hospitalised for a couple of days was bad but what really terrified me was when I fainted.
At the hospital I was walking around as much as I could within reason, and suddenly I heard a deafening ringing in my ears, and I began to lose conciousness. I was grabbing onto beds, anything I could get my hands on to avoid falling on the floor but it just did not happen, I fell to the floor. I got up almost instantly but it was at that moment I realised I wasn't the young guy impervious to illness anymore, I was getting weak and probably even dying. I cried my eyes out at that realisation, for me that was even worse than the actual reason I was there! The doctors ran their tests and eventually once the bite had healed I was free to go.
Over the next few months during winter I started a new job, but one that carries more responsibilities than I'm used to so I frequently stress about those. Overall it's a great job though so few complaints there, except for the fact it's in an old building and everyone works in close quarters, making it ripe opportunity for diseases to spread. I sometimes caught things not long after other workers but nothing too bad, but at home I had my own worries.
Every single time I felt a persistant sensation, like on the arms,or in the chest. I would obsess, research, pick my family's brains (Helps having a mother who works as a nurse) and of course, Dr Google (Ya evil sod!). It wasn't just what the sensation was and what it meant, I wanted to know WHY, why would it appear so often and for so darn long, what was the cause, how could I stop it myself? And given that this forum's focus is on anxiety there are no prizes guessing what a lot of these sensations or pains where, simple anxiety!
Recently I had been improving on myself, and not having any worries at all. I would wake up early in the morning, really push myself and heck even add in new exercise methods with fuller stretches. I felt freaking great and I was having more varieties of fruit and veg than ever before, not like I was doing badly before.
But now I've caught a chest infection, a bacterial one that has had me in night sweats, lacking energy and appetite, and even coughing not just mucus but very tiny traces of blood. "I worked my butt off constantly, attempting to head off disease and illness before it came to me, I wanted to be able to not worry about a damned thing and not having health fears rule me. AND THIS HAPPENS!?" That was my train of thought. I've been given antibotics so we'll see how it goes but it always comes back to one thing in my mind.
No matter what I do, it's never good enough. Not for my body, or for anyone else. It always fails and sometimes I ask if it was worth even trying.
Sorry for the long rant on this, I thought I was over my anxieties and real life decided to give me a real illness to remind me that I fail no matter what.
Thanks for reading, I hope to get over this soon but are there any pointers? Kind regards.