What is it like to live without health anxiety?

[katniss]

Hello everyone,

I am trying so hard to change my way of thinking and lead a more productive and happy life. I still experience symptoms that have the tendency to drive me nuts but I am trying my best to ignore them. I feel as though morbid thoughts about illness and death keep creeping up in my mind from time to time. I have definitely seen myself getting better but I still have this negativity inside me. I feel as though something will go wrong if I don't keep looking for symptoms. I worry that if I stay happy some sort of disease or disorder will catch up with me.

My question is. For those of you for whom hypochondria or health anxiety is a new disorder, what is it like to live without health anxiety? I can't imagine life without it. For example: when a normal person goes about their life, how many times does illness or death cross their mind? Does it happen everyday or is it an infrequent thing. For example does driving by a funeral home or hospital cause lingering feelings? Or while making dinner does the thought of you dying from cancer cross your mind? For me this is an everyday, every hour sort of thing. It doesn't consume me and doesn't interrupt my daily life. But that dark feeling is there. I just want it to go away so that I can be happy and pay more attention to my family and just be more productive in general

[panickingsince98]

I haven't always had health anxiety - however, I was born with OCD, and I thought about death and dying *constantly*. However, it didn't scare me - and I think that's the point. People without health anxiety are conscious of death - they'll never deny that it's not gonna happen to them - they just know that it is inevitable and don't lose sleep over it. Do normal people probably fixate on death as much as we do? Probably not - but again, what is normal?

My mum does not suffer from health anxiety, and through her I recognise that most people are not fixated on death by the hour. But I'm sure the thought crosses most people's minds at least once a day - however, they do not react to it like we do. And I think that we can gather from this that even if death is on your mind hourly, it only matters if it effects you negatively - like me as a child with OCD. Did I think constantly of death? Yep. But in the fascinated, fearless, curious way. The amount you think of something doesn't matter - how it effects you is what matters.

[TueMan]

Omg you have described exactly my feelings.
I feel like if I play it cool and live happy that some illness will catch up with me for ingoring small things that are normal for regular non anxiety sufferers.

Right now I'm trying to get some weight back that might have been lost due to a cold and loss of appetite. However I've been thinking it might be some awful condition that causes you to not want to eat. Such as the C word.

Just today while I was checking out my tongue because I have a little dry mouth from anxiety, I noticed my tongue has a a darker spot but it's not bumpy, now my decision is to ignore it or Google the heck out of it :(

[MyNameIsTerry]

I have no HA elements in my anxiety and I can tell you a bit about how things changed with my intrusive thoughts that will be relevant to you.

I used to have various intrusive thought themes, sexual, violence, etc but mostly violence and all connected up to Magical Thinking, physical as well as mental compulsions, etc. As I broke free of them I would have the same "shouldn't I be worrying about X" thoughts and realised these were just either "checking" compulsions or just another form of trigger but one that triggers another one of my usual intrusive thoughts. The more I broke free, the more it became normal not to care until there came a point where I started laughing at the silliness of my violent thoughts.

When I started laughing, I started to feel that I knew I was breaking free. Like I had crossed a milestone. From there, they quickly went.

I still get them, all human beings do, and whilst I can see them more clearly for what they are than I could before I ever had them (and my OCD), I have an intuitive "Meh" "who cares" "don't be daft" thought that instantly follows it...and I walk away.

That's how I see recovery from thoughts that pop into your head to test you.

I certainly have thoughts of death. Guess what, that same response "Meh" is there a second later and I walk away AND with never having HA elements I know I can compare this as a normal reaction.

With spending so much time on this board talking to you guys, I pick things up. I find myself looking at poo or the paper with a bit of blood on BUT I have that instant intuitive follow up of "who cares" and I walk away.

I could walk past a funeral directors and think a thought, it's just how the human mind works. I may think about my parents as they are now mid seventies. I may think about myself. But the same happens...the instance "Meh" and seconds later, being a man, I see an attractive woman and I'm well distracted!!! :winks:

[Ryank65]

I'm only 22 years old and have the exact same thoughts you were describing. Every time I pass a hospital, funeral home, read an article or see a headline about cancer or someone dying from cancer, or see a commercial with the young kids fighting cancer and all of that stuff related to it will trigger my health anxiety. My HA is as severe as yours is, that death or leaving my family or getting sick will cross my mind hourly. To me it's very exhausting mentally cuz it can stop you from having fun, enjoying fun things, or feel very hopeless. I too wonder what it's like to not have these thoughts. I also think though that having HA is a sign of intellengence because I think we all know and understand how vulnerable we all are and that we can get pluked from this earth at anytime. I think it stems from knowing how precious life really is and that we want to enjoy it for a very very long time. My HA is over ruling my life cuz I feel like everything I do is for nothing cause something bad will happen right around the corner whether it's cancer, an accident or whatever and I'm just sitting here waiting for something bad to happen when nothing has happened yet. It's hard to describe but if anyone has any tips I'd very much apperciate it since I'm only 22 and can't stand living like this anymore. Last I have seen a therapist and it hasn't helped much at all.

[katniss]

I'm only 22 years old and have the exact same thoughts you were describing. Every time I pass a hospital, funeral home, read an article or see a headline about cancer or someone dying from cancer, or see a commercial with the young kids fighting cancer and all of that stuff related to it will trigger my health anxiety. My HA is as severe as yours is, that death or leaving my family or getting sick will cross my mind hourly. To me it's very exhausting mentally cuz it can stop you from having fun, enjoying fun things, or feel very hopeless. I too wonder what it's like to not have these thoughts. I also think though that having HA is a sign of intellengence because I think we all know and understand how vulnerable we all are and that we can get pluked from this earth at anytime. I think it stems from knowing how precious life really is and that we want to enjoy it for a very very long time. My HA is over ruling my life cuz I feel like everything I do is for nothing cause something bad will happen right around the corner whether it's cancer, an accident or whatever and I'm just sitting here waiting for something bad to happen when nothing has happened yet. It's hard to describe but if anyone has any tips I'd very much apperciate it since I'm only 22 and can't stand living like this anymore. Last I have seen a therapist and it hasn't helped much at all.

Seeing a therapist didn't help? That's pretty disappointing. I'm also young, 29. I have a lovely family with two little kids that are my whole world. I really wish I could put these bad thoughts behind and just enjoy life with them while they're still young. I have caught myself googling symptoms while my two year old is playing by himself. It sucks. We're young and we shouldn't be worrying about our health so obsessively. Yes I understand being young does not make us invincible but it definitely shouldn't be a time to worry so incessantly about something that is most likely not going to happen

[Magic]

This morning I booked a four day break holiday for me and MrM in July. Paid deposit and insurance.
From today I will be thinking, WHAT IF.( I do this all the time.) Heart attack,
Stroke. Accident. It's panic time until the day we go.
We are complete opposites. All I get is DON'T WORRY every day from MrM.:unsure:

[katniss]

Oh dear. Of course you will make it and you will have a fab holiday!

I guess what I was trying to figure out was how people without hypochondria felt. There is already so much stress in life and hypochondria just adds to the burden. If I knew what I was missing out on then perhaps I would be more inclined to let go of these pervasive thoughts. I keep hearing how therapy doesn't help. So if it has to be self-help then how do I go about it? Or is there a separate thread for that?

[Jackrabbit]

Well its brand new for me, and very sudden. I wish I could go back to my old self all the time. Before my health anxiety, the little things didn't worry me. Whenever I felt tingly I would simply shift my posture until it went away without giving it a second thought. I would go with the flow and not fear about the what ifs. Whenever I got a headache I just chalked it up to stress or my sleep position the night before, or if I was just tired or needed to eat...didnt just assume the worse like I do now. Before my health anxiety, I didn't constantly LOOK for something, I wouldn't always test myself to see if my motor skills or cognitive skills were still normal. If I stuttered or struggled to find my thoughts I would chalk it up to just a spaz moment or just losing my train of thought...not to, omg what if there is something wrong with my brain. In all honesty I just paid attention to other things. Of course I still got concerned about things and anxious from time to time, but it didn't control my life. It didn't keep my up all night googling my symptoms. I wasn't constantly afraid and thinking the worse. I miss that me, so much, and I never thought about how lucky I was to be like that until now.

[ErinKC]

Seeing a therapist helped me immensely. Different thing's work for different people. I've only had a few bouts of health anxiety in my life, the worst lasting almost a year, but my norm is a life of no HA. It's difficult to describe. I think the best way is that I'm just tuned down a few notches. I think HA puts us on constant high alert. When I'm not anxious I just go through the day like normal, but not so hyper focused on myself, not so easily distracted by invasive thoughts. Things just are what they are. A twinge of pain, a headache, the early symptoms of a cold. The just mesh with the rest of the day. Nothing of note or alarm.

[snowghost57]

I have never had HA, just terrible anxiety. I worked with a therapist and medication for a month to get better. As far as my health? I get my regular check ups, eat fairly healthy and don't give it much thought to my health. Do doctors have medication for HA? I had intrusive thoughts about the future and I just learned to focus on the present.

[katniss]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies everyone. I am trying to read personal development blogs and try my hand at more productive activities to combat my health anxiety. I am hoping that by paying more attention to bettering myself I will pay less attention to finding vague symptoms and worrying constantly. Really hoping this works. If anyone has any resources or advice it is always welcome.