Aeof
30-03-17, 16:55
I'm reaching a personal limit for my health anxiety- I've had it since I was 14, and felt compelled to have tests for whatever I felt at the time I had. It made me very reclusive.
Later on I started hand washing and the reasons in my head to doing it fluctuated, settling on a fear of being poisoned by chemicals or toxins.
Recently I've been pretty much catatonic. It stemmed from my piano keyboard breaking, to which I realised could most likely fix it by soldering.
It brought back a memory of me being 11 or 12 years old. Inside my kitchen there was a drawer full of tools- there was a reel of solder.
As probably the most idiotic thing I've done in my life, I played with the solder, sticking it in my mouth and biting off pieces. I did this 2 or 3 times before my sister caught me doing it and told me off.
To my memory, I tried not to swallow any, but reading online it only takes a minuscule amount to have big effects on the brain.
Throughout my teenage years I had a foggy mind and was tired all the time. I can't help obsessing about what effect the lead might have had on my mind. I had to work extremely hard in school to do well.
Now whenever I'm trying to learn new things I can't help thinking about it, and whether things would be easier if it hadn't happened.
Not to mention I learnt that lead is stored in the bones and re-enters the blood later in life.
I feel as though I'm living in a nightmare, and every time I wash my hands now I think "what's the point? I have a supply of lead in my bones leaking out".
I've also been worrying about having a brain tumour recently, as my pupils are sometimes different sizes and I'm having chronic headaches which go up and down.
I don't know what to do anymore, and it makes me wonder whether my health anxiety was also created from this.
Later on I started hand washing and the reasons in my head to doing it fluctuated, settling on a fear of being poisoned by chemicals or toxins.
Recently I've been pretty much catatonic. It stemmed from my piano keyboard breaking, to which I realised could most likely fix it by soldering.
It brought back a memory of me being 11 or 12 years old. Inside my kitchen there was a drawer full of tools- there was a reel of solder.
As probably the most idiotic thing I've done in my life, I played with the solder, sticking it in my mouth and biting off pieces. I did this 2 or 3 times before my sister caught me doing it and told me off.
To my memory, I tried not to swallow any, but reading online it only takes a minuscule amount to have big effects on the brain.
Throughout my teenage years I had a foggy mind and was tired all the time. I can't help obsessing about what effect the lead might have had on my mind. I had to work extremely hard in school to do well.
Now whenever I'm trying to learn new things I can't help thinking about it, and whether things would be easier if it hadn't happened.
Not to mention I learnt that lead is stored in the bones and re-enters the blood later in life.
I feel as though I'm living in a nightmare, and every time I wash my hands now I think "what's the point? I have a supply of lead in my bones leaking out".
I've also been worrying about having a brain tumour recently, as my pupils are sometimes different sizes and I'm having chronic headaches which go up and down.
I don't know what to do anymore, and it makes me wonder whether my health anxiety was also created from this.