View Full Version : My cancer fears...lost and scared
Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting but I feel like I'm losing my mind either that or there is something really wrong....
It all started august last year I got bitten by a horse fly and soon after found a lump in my groin. I had this checked and was told it was certainly due to the bite and go back if it didn't go down. Well it didn't go down and I then found another smaller lump on the opposite side as you can imagine I then got really scared and starting poking around!! I found another two lumps behind my knee and made an appointment with my gp, she again said she wasn't concerned as lumps were all mobile and small. As a anxiety sufferer I couldn't settle and paid privately to have a ultrasound. I'd had a full blood count at this point which was clear. When I had my groin scanned the radiologist found a couple of nodes all smallish, all benign, by this point I was so freaked out I had a massive panic attack and stupidly didn't let him scan my knee! But he sent notes to the doctor to say he didn't have a cause for concern.
Everything was fine for a few weeks but then in my exercise class I just happened to run my hand over my knee and there was the lump not grown but it still sent me into panic! Ever since Iv had pains on and off all down the right side of my body weird pains like pressure in my knee, burning pains in armpit and breast, pain in my hips this all comes and goes, sometimes will go for days but then return, obviously google pointed me all to the big C!
I went back to doctors to discuss this and she seemed more concerned about my stress and anxiety levels but said she would run all kinds of bloods on me, liver, fbc, inflammation markers, thyroid, WBC these have all come back clear again, but yet this morning I have no found another node at the base of my neck!!! I have abit of a sore throat nothing major but obviously now I have connected it other node and my cancer concerns!
This is ruining my life, I'm 28 have a little girl with autism and am getting married in 4 months! I just can't cope any longer I just have this thought I'm not gonna be around for much longer and I have some kind of serious illness. I just don't see why I would have these pains and these un explained lumps all down the right side of my body! I havnt been ill, the lumps do not hurt, they havnt grown in size but just seemed to be popping up more and more! I have so much to look forward to at the moment but I can't shrug this off! I feel the lowest Iv ever felt in my life! I spend my days reading this forum just for reassurance or some kind of clue to what's wrong with me! Iv now convinced myself if it isn't lymphoma then it must be skin cancer as I have a lot of moles and freckles!
I'm ruining everyone's life with this and pushing everyone close to me away as I'm so obsessed! I don't know what to think anymore...
I'm a survivor. I know nodes.
Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.
The fact that medical professionals and scientific medical tests have deemed you healthy should be reassuring enough. I know many, including myself that would have jumped for joy at your results :)
The issue isn't the nodes, it's your reaction to them and that should be your focus. Are you getting any help for your anxiety?
Positive thoughts
Thank you so much for replying, I have been medicated in the past but I'm not on anything at present but after having a long think and chat with my family and friends I have decided it is best I start a new medication this week, I am going to ring tomrrow to get this asap as I can't go on like this any longer.
Thank you so much for replying, I have been medicated in the past but I'm not on anything at present but after having a long think and chat with my family and friends I have decided it is best I start a new medication this week, I am going to ring tomrrow to get this asap as I can't go on like this any longer.
Good going! There's nothing wrong with needed a little help when needed ;)
Positive thoughts
Sorry to post again but Iv really done myself in tonight worrying. I'm really struggling rationalising all this in my head! I feel so helpless and upset. I now how this pain back in my arm pit, down my arm and into my chest, all my pain is on the right side and this is where all my enlarged nodes are bar one (the first I ever found 7 months ago) this goes from a sharp pain then to a full ache...this pain eases but will travel to other places mainly in my right side but sometimes my left. I'm so scared I just keep thinking if this was anxiety or stress pains surly it would of eased by now, it's been over months!
When I'm in a HA spiral I seem to be aware of every little twinge, and every little twinge makes the next twinge even worse! I'm so hyper aware of every feeling in my body.. when the anxiety is over everything is fine again. Sounds like everything is ok, if it wasn't you'd be really sick by now and it would be obvious something was wrong. Deep breaths :)
Hi RainbowJazz! You sound simular to me. I'm 28 and on the right side of my body I can feel 3 or 4 lymph nodes. There's 1 for sure at the middle of the neck, one at the base that's softer about 1cm and one under my collar bone which scared me. It's under 1 cm but feels a little firmer than the ones in the neck. I've been aware of them for alot 10 months I believe. Unfortunately I think this is just something you'll have to work through until you come to realize you're fine. But take comfort in the fact that if you had lymph node cancer your lymph nodes would be bigger than golf balls by now after 7 months. You would also have symptoms I'm sure. Also take comfort in the fact that you have went through many tests all coming back clear. Lymph nodes are actually little organs and when they are close to the surface of the skin they are felt as pea sized rubbery knots. That is a normal lymph node ok they aren't just empty sacks that fill up.
I hope you feel better!
Thank you for your reply. I woke up feeling great this morning but yet again have come down with a bump circling thoughts about what is wrong with me again, this is really having a massive impact of my life! It's like I'm just on a ticking time bomb waiting for another symptom to appear, when I should be feeling great about my recent bloods coming back clear along with the scans I had back in December. I just can't understand why more of these nodes would be appearing without an explanation. When I had the first one that they put down to my horse fly bite I accepted and moved on, but now I just keep finding more and more. I'm now constantly checking my moles and convincing myself I skin cancer that has spread as some of them look different to others. I really just want to be able to live my life again but I'm really stuck in this hole I can't seem to get out of :(
I completely understand. You are just like I am with the worrying! But everything sounds completely fine. Nothing wrong with coming online to talk about it. It really helps to do that. I'll be around too if you do! And again don't worry! If it helps you can even go talk with your doctor again. Maybe even ask why they don't suspect anything wrong. Even a second opinion. That's what they are there for!
I just can't understand why more of these nodes would be appearing without an explanation.
They're not! We have 500-700 nodes in our bodies. They've always been there, you've just not noticed before. Self examination and poking and prodding will reveal them and poking and prodding and self examination can and does cause nodes to react.
You're in a vicious circle right now and need to find the self control to stop messing with yourself. This is not so much about the nodes or moles or any other normal bodily function as it is your reaction to it. Perhaps a trip to the doctor to discuss your anxiety would be in order?
Positive thoughts
I spoke to the doctor today (phone consultation) I explained my worries and he basically said what you have with we have lots of nodes and you maybe able to feel some, some may go up and down etc
He explained that of all the doctors Iv seen at the surgery about them none of them have ever been concerned about them and was only put through test because I had pushed the matter. He said the bloods along with the scan were a massive indicator that everything was fine and working as it should, he also said as this as been going on for so long he would prescribe me an anti depressant as he felt I need to treat this issue while I'm waiting for CBT which here in the U.K. Can take months!
I feel abit calmer for now, but I still having pains throughout my body, these pains change in intensity and also can travel throughout different parts of my body! If I didn't have these lumps I would put it down to muscle or anxiety but this nagging feeling just won't settle that it must have something to do with the nodes!! Everything that happens now I know I'm going to put down to having these nodes! But it does seem sinister that all this started around the time I found the first node!!
Thanks for listening, it's nice to get it out there!
I spoke to the doctor today (phone consultation) I explained my worries and he basically said what you have with we have lots of nodes and you maybe able to feel some, some may go up and down etc
He explained that of all the doctors Iv seen at the surgery about them none of them have ever been concerned about them and was only put through test because I had pushed the matter. He said the bloods along with the scan were a massive indicator that everything was fine and working as it should, he also said as this as been going on for so long he would prescribe me an anti depressant as he felt I need to treat this issue while I'm waiting for CBT which here in the U.K. Can take months!
Good going! That's a step in the right direction!
Positive thoughts
Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum and posted a few days about lymph nodes Iv found on my body over the last 7 months, 2 in groin, 2 in kneee and over the last week one in my neck!
I had the groin nodes scanned and was told these are fine all under 2cm! Over this time Iv had 2 blood test one being just full blood count and most recent (a week ago) liver, wbc, inflammatory markers, diabetes, thyroid. Both of these tests were clear!
This has 80% cleared my lymphoma fear but now I'm scared theres is another reason for these nodes being raised.
Over the past 3 months Iv had pains down the right of my body, they seem to travel to different parts throughout the day, under my arm, in my breast, hip, stomach and over the last few days it's now going into my left side.
Yesterday I was convinced I had inflammatory breast cancer as that's where the pain was.these pains come and go all day but never seem to stop!
But after reading a post yesterday about skin cancer going into lymph nodes I now have convinced myself I have that and it's spread over my body hence the pain!! I have a mole on my face and two on my arm they have never bothered me before but am now starting to think they maybe something! I had a mole removed privately for cosmetic reasons 6 years ago which has also grown back (I got told this is quite common if it wasn't fully removed) but this has just freaked me out now!
I'm so scared, I havnt got dressed in three days, my family life is suffering, Iv sat here now and just come to terms with the fact it's something serious as I can't find any reason or cause for my issues,
I'm 28 and getting married in 4 months and I'm even thinking I want to cancel the whole thing....
While the pains are there and symptoms I don't think I'm ever going to be able to let this go without an explanation!
Hi
This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads
It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.
Elen
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