worriedsoul
02-04-17, 12:59
I am at the moment in complete despair over what I have done with regards to starting a new job. I feel like I have made the biggest mistake in my life. Please could someone read and give their thoughts.
A bit of background
5 years ago I was happily working for ABC company as an IT support person - I was paid pretty well and was happy because i learned a lot over the course of 3 years.
During my time there, I did suffer from extreme health related anxiety which almost cost me my job due to bad performance. I was signed off work for 1 month and given antidepressants. These actually seemed to almost cure my anxiety and I became happier than I can remember.
After 3 years i felt like i had hit a dead end with my career there because the company didn;t specialise in IT so there was no progression. I had minimal payrises in 3 years and this further encouraged me to leave.
It turned out to be the best decision i made because in my new role working for a specialist IT company (XYZ), I quickly got promoted up the ranks over the course of the next two years. I was on a path to become a consultant but over the last 6 months i started to suffer from stress and anxiety because they kept giving me tasks that were beyond my capabilities and experience.
In august 2016 i stopped taking antidepressants with agreement of my GP because felt like i had hit a pretty stable point in life and was simply fed up of taking them.
Between October and January 2017, I started to get anxiety again but this time it was around the relationship with my partner and me not trusting him - it is completely unfounded and at the moment I've put a stop on those feelings.
In January company ABC approached me about going back to work for them for more money and new opportunity. This time they have started a new sister company that specialises in IT and were really keen for me to be part of it.
The problem is that the role is focused on support rather than consultancy which is where my career was heading.
At the beginning of Feb, ABC offered me a highly competitive salary to take the new job. I had doubts about the job being support based and didn't want it to stifle my opportunities to become a consultant.
I turned down their offer but they came back and offered more money and explained that there would be "lots to get involved with" in the future in terms of career progression.
For about a week, i went through extreme anxiety deciding whether or not to take the job. My current job was starting to drag me down because there was work in the pipeline that i was worried about doing. However, i feel that my gut instinct was to turn down the job (better the devil you know) but my head was saying not to miss a great opportunity.
On a whim (and to end the anxiety) i decided to accept the job.
What followed during Feb/March was somewhat of a rollercoaster with company XYZ begging me to stay and further adding to my doubts about the new job. However, i felt in a position that due to the company moving yards to get me to accept the job and then accepting it, i felt like i had to continue on the path of leaving and could not change my mind.
I have now been in the new job for 3.5 weeks and all of my anxiety and doubts about my decision are still there. My job performance so far has been very poor, i cant stop thinking about wishing i could turn back to the clock and listen to my gut instinct. I have raised my worries with company ABC who have tried to reassure me that the opportunities ahead of me could be great, perhaps in 12 months and could potentially see myself back on a consultant career path.
But i feel sick, i feel like running away or crawling back to my last employer. However that now has it;s own issues in terms of how bad that might look on my cv. I have not been eating properly and my family are worried about my state of mind becuse i am very withdrawn.
I am trying to work out if i am a normal person who was made a foolish flippant mistake or if it is my anxiety/depression illness that has come back and ive relapsed.
I have booked a gp appointment in 2 weeks.
I can;t stop feeling strong sense of regret and panic. yesterday i went shopping in town and i forgot where i parked my car. my head is in such a mess.
A bit of background
5 years ago I was happily working for ABC company as an IT support person - I was paid pretty well and was happy because i learned a lot over the course of 3 years.
During my time there, I did suffer from extreme health related anxiety which almost cost me my job due to bad performance. I was signed off work for 1 month and given antidepressants. These actually seemed to almost cure my anxiety and I became happier than I can remember.
After 3 years i felt like i had hit a dead end with my career there because the company didn;t specialise in IT so there was no progression. I had minimal payrises in 3 years and this further encouraged me to leave.
It turned out to be the best decision i made because in my new role working for a specialist IT company (XYZ), I quickly got promoted up the ranks over the course of the next two years. I was on a path to become a consultant but over the last 6 months i started to suffer from stress and anxiety because they kept giving me tasks that were beyond my capabilities and experience.
In august 2016 i stopped taking antidepressants with agreement of my GP because felt like i had hit a pretty stable point in life and was simply fed up of taking them.
Between October and January 2017, I started to get anxiety again but this time it was around the relationship with my partner and me not trusting him - it is completely unfounded and at the moment I've put a stop on those feelings.
In January company ABC approached me about going back to work for them for more money and new opportunity. This time they have started a new sister company that specialises in IT and were really keen for me to be part of it.
The problem is that the role is focused on support rather than consultancy which is where my career was heading.
At the beginning of Feb, ABC offered me a highly competitive salary to take the new job. I had doubts about the job being support based and didn't want it to stifle my opportunities to become a consultant.
I turned down their offer but they came back and offered more money and explained that there would be "lots to get involved with" in the future in terms of career progression.
For about a week, i went through extreme anxiety deciding whether or not to take the job. My current job was starting to drag me down because there was work in the pipeline that i was worried about doing. However, i feel that my gut instinct was to turn down the job (better the devil you know) but my head was saying not to miss a great opportunity.
On a whim (and to end the anxiety) i decided to accept the job.
What followed during Feb/March was somewhat of a rollercoaster with company XYZ begging me to stay and further adding to my doubts about the new job. However, i felt in a position that due to the company moving yards to get me to accept the job and then accepting it, i felt like i had to continue on the path of leaving and could not change my mind.
I have now been in the new job for 3.5 weeks and all of my anxiety and doubts about my decision are still there. My job performance so far has been very poor, i cant stop thinking about wishing i could turn back to the clock and listen to my gut instinct. I have raised my worries with company ABC who have tried to reassure me that the opportunities ahead of me could be great, perhaps in 12 months and could potentially see myself back on a consultant career path.
But i feel sick, i feel like running away or crawling back to my last employer. However that now has it;s own issues in terms of how bad that might look on my cv. I have not been eating properly and my family are worried about my state of mind becuse i am very withdrawn.
I am trying to work out if i am a normal person who was made a foolish flippant mistake or if it is my anxiety/depression illness that has come back and ive relapsed.
I have booked a gp appointment in 2 weeks.
I can;t stop feeling strong sense of regret and panic. yesterday i went shopping in town and i forgot where i parked my car. my head is in such a mess.