Holiday on Saturday - dreading it

[LF87]

Hi.
I have to go on a hen do to Spain on Saturday and I'm absolutely dreading it to the point of trying not to go. I'm a bridesmaid and very close with the girl who's hen it is so have this enormous feeling of pressure to go. It's all paid for but to be honest I'm not bothered about losing the money. My anxiety is so bad at the minute and I don't know if I can handle this. I don't like staying away from home, and my health anxiety gets worse after drinking and stuff which obviously we'll be doing a lot of. I find it exhausting being in large groups for long periods of time, and it's a villa so there'll be no escape. I don't like discussing my anxiety with friends generally, so I don't have anyone to talk to if I'm having a panic. To add to this I hate flying, it terrifies me. I've had nightmares about planes for a week now and I am just overwhelmed that this weekend is nearly here and I have to go.
This is my dilemma though. Do I go? I get ulcers, poorly stomach and genuine physical problems when I've gone away previously. My last girls holiday I slept for about 2 hours a night and was a wreck when I got home and vowed I wouldn't put myself through it again. Why am I putting myself through it? I should have been assertive and said no I can't. But here i am counting down the days.

Any advice?
Thanks

[raggamuffin]

You should go. Not doing things because of anxiety only empowers it more.

If you never face what makes you anxious you'll never overcome it. Expose yourself to the situations that create most fear. Challenge your misconceptions and prove to your anxiety that you are in control of it, it's not in control of you.

Whilst initially facing your fears isn't pleasant, it does become easier. The more you expose yourself to what you fear the sooner your mind will realize the fears and anxieties were unfounded.

Ed

[LF87]

Thanks Ed. The trouble I have though is it actually anxiety? Or do I just genuinely not enjoy being abroad? I have read many articles trying to find out if it's normal to dislike being away, and it is actually more common than I thought. I just don't relax, I find it stressful. Even sunbathing I get irritated with, bored even. But there's this notion we have that holidays are great and we all must have so much fun and feel rejuvenated. But i don't. I feel like I'm wishing the time away every second I'm abroad. I feel genuinely homesick and desperate to just be back where I'm safe and comfortable. And that's not to say I hide away from my fears. Like flying, I am petrified but have never given in to it. But that whole 'ahh you'll enjoy it once you're there!' just doesn't apply to me. I don't. That's what my family / boyfriend keep saying to me. But there's no sigh of relief or excitement when I land. It's just another set of dread feelings once I'm off the plane.
Can anyone relate?

[raggamuffin]

I don't enjoy holidays myself, and I never have. But sometimes we have to do things we don't like if it's for friends or families etc. I'm sure there'll be moments on the holiday that you will enjoy and that will be memorable, even if your anxiety is high. Then when you come home you can look back and be proud that even though your anxiety was screaming at you not to go, you went and got through and and came back safe and sound.

I get your dislike for holidays though. I yearn to be back home within a day or 2. These days I just do UK holiday breaks, but even then I tend to want to go home in a few days. The thing to do is try to keep busy. It'll keep your mind active and should lessen your worries. Too much free time tends to lead to too much overthinking.

Ed

[LF87]

Yeah you're right. I think I'd be upset to know I had missed it. Plus it's all my friends would talk about for the next 2 months so it's worth it just for that haha. But yeah, I'm going for my friend, she'd be upset if I didn't.
It's only 3 nights so hopefully by the time I'm full scale sick of it it'll be time to come home anyway.

I am going to try keep as occupied as I can before we go. I've finished university for the Easter hols now so have a lot of contemplating time - never good for my sanity!

Thanks for your reply, really helped :)

[swajj]

The best thing you can do for your HA is go on the trip. Isolating yourself from normal activities is the worst thing you can do. Doing normal things helps HA sufferers feel more normal.

[ServerError]

The thing with anxiety is that, by avoiding the things that make us anxious, we get a temporary, fleeting sense of relief.

But it doesn't last. The impact of not doing the thing we avoided starts to become apparent later as our decision reinforces our anxious thought processes and wrongly reinforces the idea that the situation was something to be avoided. It makes it even harder the next time. Avoidance is a surefire way of making things worse.

That said, I don't suggest seriously ill people plunge into the deep end. And if some genuinely just doesn't want to do something, that's fine. But I suspect you'd be full of regret if you didn't go. In fact, I would suggest that posting here is a sign that you really want to go. You're just looking for people to tell you it will be alright. It will be alright. You'll be glad you went.

[LF87]

Thanks swajj and serverError. It is true that we must face our fears, and I am going to go. I just hope my anxiety isn't unbearable. I'm so scared of the flight, and even when I get there the anxiety will persist. But I'd feel I'd missed out if I didn't, and I think you're right in saying I'm posting for reassurance because I want to go. At least there'll be lots of wine involved, that should help! :doh: :wacko:
Hopefully it'll all be OK. Thanks again x

[swajj]

lol wine always helps ��

[Blonde123]

Hi. I've been going through something similar. I used to love holidays but for the past two years I've dreaded them for months leading to anxiety everyday. It an awful feeling, each time I think to myself, don't book another holiday, they're not essential! My husband now wants to buy something in Spain and you can imagine how that's making me feel! However, I'm determined not to give in and although the last few holidays were a night are, I've literally just come back from Spain and really enjoyed it. Don't get me wrong, the anxiety for the build up was dreadful but I went, enjoyed myself and am safely home now!

[LF87]

Blonde I'm so glad you had a good time! This encourages me to think I'll manage to enjoy it. I am looking forward to it in some respects just panicking about a lot of it. I have a sore throat today and a sniffle though :/ I'm scared it'll materialise and I'll be ill when we're due to go. Would you still go then? X

[Blonde123]

For some reason I'm always ill lately when I fly. I don't know whether the stress of having HA causes my immune system to be low but I just pick everything up! I'm on multi vita to see if it makes any difference but it's early days. You have to be happy with your decision but if you give in to HA it will eventually move on and stop you from doing something else. That's the way I see it and I've had to push myself so I know how hard it is. Sometimes the anticipation of it is worse than the actual event. Give it a go.

[LF87]

Yes I'd say the worry of it all has made me feel under the weather. I've had nightmares about the flight for 2 weeks and got myself very worked up. Hoping it doesn't get any worse. I've been on holidays previously with my HA and although finding snippets of happiness it's mainly filled with dread. But this time I'm going to get involved instead of having preemptive feelings and worries. I just don't know why I have these problems. There's 12 of us going. I'm the only one being ridiculous like this. It's so soul destroying. Do you feel like that? It's not like I'm some strange person, I'm totally normal with a great group of girlfriends, yet I'm a total outsider in terms of these issues. Just want to feel normal! X

[Josh1234]

If you want to feel normal, go, and enjoy yourself. If you want to stay a prisoner to your own mind, stay home. Seems like a simple choice.

[dally]

Hi
I totally understand where you're coming from
I suffer from varying degrees of agoraphobia
The only cure is exposure
Which I'm doing
But it is not easy at all.


My friends have organised an over night stay at a local hotel
And I'm already planning thinking of safety measures or get out excuses.

I really hope I go, cos I know I will feel extremely despondent if I don't.
I'm full of what ifs,

[TheGroundhog]

I'm a bit on the fence with this one. I think as an adult you shouldn't have to do anything you really don't want to do that is purely recreational (or maybe anything, but that's a different conversation) life is short, don't put yourself through crap.

If you are longing to go, but your anxiety is holding you back and making you afraid, you should definitely try to go, though I agree with a pp, jumping in at the deep end is not the way to go for everyone, sometimes you need to build up to things. You are describing previous trips as being very triggering, in all honesty every time you force yourself to go and have a terrible time you are reinforcing the idea that this is too hard and not for you and going away is always awful.

Part of me getting better was both building up to travel, but this was done carefully, in small increments that I actually found I enjoyed, making me eager for the next step, not more afraid. But also learning to say no comfortably, and not thinking I had to do stuff to please other people or they would judge me or dislike me.

So I think you need to do a bit of quiet soul searching, if you want to go, but are scared, try and work out a plan that will allow you to go. But if you really don't want to go but just feel you should force yourself, then life is too short, say no guilty free, and do something else instead that you do enjoy.

[Blonde123]

Groundhog that's good advice. As I said in my post, my husband wants to buy something in Spain and I'm torn because Id love to have a holiday home and enjoy it, but when I'm having an episode of HA, as I am at the minute by feeling dizzy, I think it might be a waste of time and money because I might have something seriously wrong with me. You are correct, as an adult you shouldn't have to force yourself to do things that make you feel bad. However, for me I always think that if I say no to this thing, then my anxiety will move onto something else. then before you know it, your saying no to everything. I guess as you say, you need to do some soul searching.