In the words of Green Day.......

[scatty_cat]

.....'Do you have the time to listen to me whine
about nothing and everything all at once'

I love Green Day and that song (Basket Case) sums up how I feel.

Anyway I just needed to talk to people who understand. I haven't been on here for ages and I feel guilty that I only come here when I need help - very selfish.

I try not to tell my hubby how I feel becuase I know it brings him down. Its bad enough with me feeling like that but I can't cope with someone else feeling like that too because of me.

I went to a pschyiatrist yesterday because when I last went to GP to get some more diazepam he thought I may be bipolar. The outcome of the meeting was that I have anxiety disorder with depression. She said that they didn't think I am bipolar at the moment - what does that mean?

SHe's giving me some meds to treat the anxiety - I can't remember what they're called. To be honest, I had trouble a=underdtanding her because she was Indian - very nice though. But I don;t think she always understoofd me which is a bit worrying.

As I always do, I felt that I didn't really get across just how bad things were. I came out feeling that I should have said this and that and I should have asked about so and so.

She said that I would be assigned to an anxiety link worker - I think thats what she said. Has anyone had experience of this?

Anxiety cripples and paralyses me sometimes - I get this intense feeling of despair, desperation and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sure its what insanity feels like. I don't even know how to describe it. I can see how people do away with themsleves - I think I would if I had that feeling all the time.

Not that I've ever actually planned to do it - I've just had that feeling that I wouldn't care if I wasn't here anymore. But the thought of my kids and my love for them is too strong - well it has been so far. Just writing that is making me cry.

Sorry for rambling - I'm just feeling quite down today

[Magpie]

I know exactly how you feel, my anxiety disorder is episodic and during those times I really, really don't look forward to still being alive the next day. I had a couple of moderately serious attempts at doing away with myself when I was younger, but at heart I've always been too much of a coward to go through with it because of what it would do to my family.

I get the feelings of despair as well - for me it's like being terrified of nothing, just this feeling like I'm screaming inside for no reason. Sometimes I get the fear, sometimes I feel like an unbearable weight is pressing on my chest, other times I get other nonsensical emotional reactions, for instance a feeling of hurt or grief that lasts for days.

I hope you get on well with your Link Worker, I've never heard of these but I guess they might be similar to a Community Psychiatric Nurse. I don't see my CPN anymore, but when I did I found it very helpful - much easier to open up to him than it is to the GP or the Psychiatrist.

Keep on rambling, if we don't let this stuff out I think that's when we really might lose it completely!

[scatty_cat]

Thanks Magpie.

I wonder what it is that makes anxiety come and go. I can never see a reason for mine - it just builds up and I have it for a week or two and then I can feel really calm and not anxious about anything even though everything is the same. Weird.

I must admit though - I always feel better on a friday when my kids have finished school. Particularly the older one who's at high school. Ever since he started there nearly 2 years I've felt more anxious. I think it's the letting go thing and that he's growing up. I get really nervous whenever it's time to pick him up because if he's late I start to panic:blush:

What meds are you on Magpie for your anxiety and do they help?