Today is a bad day

[Chawk384]

So just today alone I have had the following worries
* that my son might have HIV because he has thrush(which he would have gotten from me because I have undiagnosed HIV- I have had two negative hiv tests so I am not sure why this worry is sticking around)
*that I might have HIV even though I am married and have two negative tests and basically have zero reason to believe this but yet it persists
* I got a giant hive on my eyelid and then started googling and aparrently hives can me a sign of cancer??? I had a hive on the same eyelid last week and yes I am sure it is a hive as I have had them in the past.......ugh over the last several months I have worried about having a heart attack, some kind of arrhythmia, MS, ALS (due to some muscle twitching and tingling in my face) why does my anxiety keep jumping from thing to thing. This past weekend I kept feeling my collarbone looking for lumps- I found none but spent the entire weekend poking and prodding- this is getting to the point of ridiculous. I won't have insurance until May 1st, I know I need help, but I can't get any help until I get insurance- why do I think every little symptom is something horrible? Why can't I just be normal?

[ServerError]

You can be normal. Whatever normal is. But you'll need some help getting there. Are you getting any?

[Chawk384]

Not at this point- I can't afford to see a dr until I get insurance and I won't get insurance until may 1st

[ServerError]

Make sure you get in there as quickly as you can. You aren't doomed to be forever stuck with these thoughts. You can improve. But you will need some help and guidance.

In the meantime, you could consider looking for CBT resources online just to tide you over. Other than that, you'll need to start challenging those thoughts and fears when they come up. CBT will get you doing that anyway, but you can certainly begin to do it on your own.

[Chawk384]

Do you recommend any CBT aides or books? I am willing to try anything to get some relief

[Catherine S]

You also should try and stop googling. I read your other thread and it seems that alot of your health fears stem from your constant googling. You cannot begin to get on top of this until you stop looking up symptoms online.

ISB ☺

[Chawk384]

You are 100% correct- googling is a real problem for me- I am having trouble not doing it- it's weird but it's almost like a compulsive thing, like it raises my anxiety not to look if that makes sense. Also full disclosure, almost a year ago my father in law murdered his wife, he shot her. I found out the day it happened via a Facebook post from a new station- I then had to call my husband and let him know what happened, it was his dad who killed his stepmom- I have not had any counseling or anything for this and I think it may be contributing to my anxiety because I am always waiting for the other she to drop.....also I am terrified of going to see a doctor, I wonder if when I get insurance if I should see a psychiatrist so they can prescribe medicine as well as provide therapy. I have no one to talk to about this so that's why I come here

[ServerError]

You've been through something pretty traumatic. As I said, you really do need to get some help. You need someone to talk to because you're carrying a hell of a lot of weight on your shoulders and it seems that you feel like you have to bottle it all up. Get that insurance sorted and see your doctor. Get yourself referred for therapy as quickly as you can. The sooner you do it, the better.

For what it's worth, nothing Google says will be of any use to you. It can't diagnose you. It can only worsen your anxiety.

[Chawk384]

I never thought about it that way- that google can't diagnose me. That's totally true. I have already look up some counselors so I have a list for May 1st. And I do bottle things up because I feel like I have to be the strong one- for my husband and for my kids. It's overwhelming sometimes

[Fishmanpa]

One thing I do recommend you Google is FREE CBT courses, downloads or worksheets. There are quite a few available. Doing some of the exercises and practicing some self help techniques will serve two purposes... Help you and distract you from ruminating on symptoms.

Positive thoughts

[Chawk384]

Ok I am going to do that right now, thank you