View Full Version : Do you have someone in your life that exacerbates your Anxiety?
pixiegirl82
05-04-17, 09:09
If your like me you'll have good days and bad when it comes to dealing with your anxiety. I'm currently having alot of bad days I try me best to battle through even though some nights I'm emotional and exhausted.
I think my partner is alot to do with my anxiety I can be doing fine all day. I'll take my meds, listen to my calming app, write in my journal, take a walk and just battle through the work day. Then it gets to home-time and he'll message me or say something that just sets me right off track.
He's very paranoid and accuses me of being 'up to something' if I'm not home for a specific time. He hates things to be outwith the normal routine, it sends him mad and if it's not going his way he'll go in a mood with me.
When I first started seeing him I had come out of a physically abusive relationship not long before. So he seemed a blessing. However as the years have went on the more I know the more I feel he doesn't help my anxiety at all.
I lost my mother suddenly six years ago and still very much struggle with that loss every day. If I have a bad day and I'm crying and feeling emotionally weak he'll tell me "It's been a while now get over it" He's never lost a parent so doesn't understand my heartbreak.
Sorry to sound so negative but I just wondered do you have someone in your life who adds to your anxiety? If so how do you deal with them?
Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. Have a good day :yesyes:
Wonder city
05-04-17, 11:22
Hi Pixiegirl,
A couple of things in your post stood out for me. The first one was the comment your partner made about getting over the death of you Mum. That must be really hurtful to hear from someone close to you. I'm sorry. The second thing is that I too believe that some of the things my partner does or says can make me feel worse. I don't think it's intentional on her part, she's actually very caring and tries to be supportive. I guess I'm trying to deal with the way these things make me feel, rather than tackle her behaviour. At the end of the day, I believe we all have the right to do as we please and say what we please. When I don't like something my girlfriend does, I try to talk to her about it. She hates criticism, which I think is normal, so we often fight. Which makes the anxiety symptoms worse. I still think I'm on the right track. I think ultimately I'm wondering if my relationship is good for either of us, but that's because the anxiety symptoms began with toxic relationship behaviour. So, although my situation is a little different you're not alone in that you're with someone who causes you some emotional distress. I'm trying to be positive and working on it though.
Hi Pixiegirl this is very hard for you as I can see in your post. is he normally a caring person towards you, has he got problems himself? Do you ever sit down and talk about each others feelings? It can help if he is prepared to do this. He says you are up to something has he been more specific about this? And yes he isn't helping your anxiety either. Would he consider counselling with you as this may help both of you? I wish you well :) Cheers
pixiegirl82
05-04-17, 13:09
Hi Pixiegirl,
A couple of things in your post stood out for me. The first one was the comment your partner made about getting over the death of you Mum. That must be really hurtful to hear from someone close to you. I'm sorry. The second thing is that I too believe that some of the things my partner does or says can make me feel worse. I don't think it's intentional on her part, she's actually very caring and tries to be supportive. I guess I'm trying to deal with the way these things make me feel, rather than tackle her behaviour. At the end of the day, I believe we all have the right to do as we please and say what we please. When I don't like something my girlfriend does, I try to talk to her about it. She hates criticism, which I think is normal, so we often fight. Which makes the anxiety symptoms worse. I still think I'm on the right track. I think ultimately I'm wondering if my relationship is good for either of us, but that's because the anxiety symptoms began with toxic relationship behaviour. So, although my situation is a little different you're not alone in that you're with someone who causes you some emotional distress. I'm trying to be positive and working on it though.
Thank you for the reply I appreciate it so much.
He rarely is caring and he's a very selfish person he's the youngest child in his family and spoilt rotten. If he doesn't get his way he loses his temper and starts going off on one. I try to get him to see my point of view but no matter how I try to he's always of the mindset that I use my mums death as an excuse he has no idea how that panic washes over me and just makes me overcome with emotion sometimes.
I just don't know if I have the energy anymore to participate in the relationship..I know I'm not perfect but it's all very confusing and toxic. I have alot of soul searching to do to be honest.
---------- Post added at 13:09 ---------- Previous post was at 13:06 ----------
Hi Pixiegirl this is very hard for you as I can see in your post. is he normally a caring person towards you, has he got problems himself? Do you ever sit down and talk about each others feelings? It can help if he is prepared to do this. He says you are up to something has he been more specific about this? And yes he isn't helping your anxiety either. Would he consider counselling with you as this may help both of you? I wish you well :) Cheers
He used to be caring but now he rarely shows any compassion. He has no apparently problems he has both his parents, a decent job and he's financially stable. Whilst I'm aware that isn't everything he hasn't had some of the troubles I've had in life so in a way he's ignorant to it. The biggest worry for him is he hasn't been on holiday for a few years and that's because I can't afford to go with him.
We do sit and talk but it's just alot of me getting blamed for everything that goes wrong and him saying he deserves better than me. He's always accusing me of cheating or lying to him which I haven't. I'm not sure about counselling he is a very private person so I would say that's a no.
Thanks so much for your reply :)
My mother. If the relationship between us was different, less difficult and broken, my anxiety would be almost non-existent. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, really am. :( Perhaps having an open conversation might help, as you, just like anyone else, don't deserve to suffer. Romantic relationships are supposed to make us happy, give us joy, the strength we need to combat anxiety; they're not supposed to bring us down and cause us misery... I wish you best.
Thank you for the reply I appreciate it so much.
He rarely is caring and he's a very selfish person he's the youngest child in his family and spoilt rotten. If he doesn't get his way he loses his temper and starts going off on one. I try to get him to see my point of view but no matter how I try to he's always of the mindset that I use my mums death as an excuse he has no idea how that panic washes over me and just makes me overcome with emotion sometimes.
I just don't know if I have the energy anymore to participate in the relationship..I know I'm not perfect but it's all very confusing and toxic. I have alot of soul searching to do to be honest.
---------- Post added at 13:09 ---------- Previous post was at 13:06 ----------
He used to be caring but now he rarely shows any compassion. He has no apparently problems he has both his parents, a decent job and he's financially stable. Whilst I'm aware that isn't everything he hasn't had some of the troubles I've had in life so in a way he's ignorant to it. The biggest worry for him is he hasn't been on holiday for a few years and that's because I can't afford to go with him.
We do sit and talk but it's just alot of me getting blamed for everything that goes wrong and him saying he deserves better than me. He's always accusing me of cheating or lying to him which I haven't. I'm not sure about counselling he is a very private person so I would say that's a no.
Thanks so much for your reply :) Sounds like he needs to grow up somewhat and is immature too. I take it he has never hit you? Even so it's a very toxic relationship from my view point, which is sad really and some times is worse than a physically abusive relationship as wounds and bruises heal but mental abuse can do a lot of serious damage :eek: so maybe it's choice time. Do you stay and suffer more of the same? Or do you leave him and remain calmer as he is not around?? I feel for you :) Do you have any family atall you can talk to? I know you lost your mum which is never easy to bear even after many years! Ahh Also understand you are not alone on this. Try and get some things in your life that will help you move forward in this mess :) Cheers
pixiegirl82
05-04-17, 13:53
Sounds like he needs to grow up somewhat and is immature too. I take it he has never hit you? Even so it's a very toxic relationship from my view point, which is sad really and some times is worse than a physically abusive relationship as wounds and bruises heal but mental abuse can do a lot of serious damage :eek: so maybe it's choice time. Do you stay and suffer more of the same? Or do you leave him and remain calmer as he is not around?? I feel for you :) Do you have any family atall you can talk to? I know you lost your mum which is never easy to bear even after many years! Ahh Also understand you are not alone on this. Try and get some things in your life that will help you move forward in this mess :) Cheers
Nah he's never hit me but it can get very shouty and he can be quite imposing because he's alot taller than me. I just don't know what to do with the best my stomach is constantly in knots at the thought of going home because I never know which way he'll be or if I might say something to upset him. I have my dad I suppose I could ask to move with back with him whilst I get back on my feet it's just all very daunting especially because my anxiety is at the highest it's ever been at present.
So very kind thank you for all your lovely words and advice :)
Nah he's never hit me but it can get very shouty and he can be quite imposing because he's alot taller than me. I just don't know what to do with the best my stomach is constantly in knots at the thought of going home because I never know which way he'll be or if I might say something to upset him. I have my dad I suppose I could ask to move with back with him whilst I get back on my feet it's just all very daunting especially because my anxiety is at the highest it's ever been at present.
So very kind thank you for all your lovely words and advice :) Hey it's ok :) I do feel you need to escape as I personaly don't think he will change any time soon it's sounds very stressful for you, like ana says a relationship should be about being there for each other through the good and bad times too! If you have a escape route then personally I would take it, many ppl don't have that escape route and are trapped. Have a word with your dad and I am sure he will help :) Cheers
pixiegirl82
05-04-17, 14:19
My mother. If the relationship between us was different, less difficult and broken, my anxiety would be almost non-existent. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, really am. :( Perhaps having an open conversation might help, as you, just like anyone else, don't deserve to suffer. Romantic relationships are supposed to make us happy, give us joy, the strength we need to combat anxiety; they're not supposed to bring us down and cause us misery... I wish you best.
Thanks I appreciate your insight and it really is ringing true with me. I need to start looking after myself and this whole situation isn't helping at all.
---------- Post added at 14:19 ---------- Previous post was at 14:18 ----------
Hey it's ok :) I do feel you need to escape as I personaly don't think he will change any time soon it's sounds very stressful for you, like ana says a relationship should be about being there for each other through the good and bad times too! If you have a escape route then personally I would take it, many ppl don't have that escape route and are trapped. Have a word with your dad and I am sure he will help :) Cheers
Yeah I think this is the way I'm heading. When something stops being fun what's the point? It's joyless and as I said before I struggle as it is. No point piling misery on misery.
Catherine S
05-04-17, 14:28
There are alot of people in this situation here as you may have read about already, and my thoughts on this subject of one partner controlling their weaker more vunerable partner remains the same. If you have somewhere to go then leave.
It's not easy I know, ive been there in the past and especially if children are involved, but all I was doing by staying was showing my children it was ok for their father to treat me like crap. I'm assuming you stay because you love him? But from the way he speaks to you it doesn't sound like he even likes you very much...why accept that? It's not a way to live.
My advice would be to move in with your dad if that's the only option to start with, and get your life back. But usually at this point, posters will come back with all the reasons to stay. These are only our thoughts and feelings about what we'd do in the same situation. Everyone is different and ultimately it's your decision.
I hope you find a way through it.
ISB ☺ x
Thanks I appreciate your insight and it really is ringing true with me. I need to start looking after myself and this whole situation isn't helping at all.
---------- Post added at 14:19 ---------- Previous post was at 14:18 ----------
Yeah I think this is the way I'm heading. When something stops being fun what's the point? It's joyless and as I said before I struggle as it is. No point piling misery on misery. Well good for you, You aint happy one bit, feel you are now seeing this as damaging to your wellbeing So go with your gut feeling on this make a new start :) and be kind to your self!! Cheers
pixiegirl82
05-04-17, 14:57
There are alot of people in this situation here as you may have read about already, and my thoughts on this subject of one partner controlling their weaker more vunerable partner remains the same. If you have somewhere to go then leave.
It's not easy I know, ive been there in the past and especially if children are involved, but all I was doing by staying was showing my children it was ok for their father to treat me like crap. I'm assuming you stay because you love him? But from the way he speaks to you it doesn't sound like he even likes you very much...why accept that? It's not a way to live.
My advice would be to move in with your dad if that's the only option to start with, and get your life back. But usually at this point, posters will come back with all the reasons to stay. These are only our thoughts and feelings about what we'd do in the same situation. Everyone is different and ultimately it's your decision.
I hope you find a way through it.
ISB ☺ x
No I don't love him I never have we just co-exist like friends but mainly like two people who do not even like each other. It's not healthy and I'm sure it sounds like I'm being horrible.
I don't want to stay but at the same time I don't want to trouble my dad for instance it's not his problem that I've made crap decisions.
At the end of the day though I need to start thinking about the long-term. I can't live like this the rest of my life it's not fair on either of us.
Thank you for your honesty and kind words :)
---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:56 ----------
Well good for you, You aint happy one bit, feel you are now seeing this as damaging to your wellbeing So go with your gut feeling on this make a new start :) and be kind to your self!! Cheers
Thanks so much you've helped so much I can't even begin to tell you how nice it feels to get this off my chest :)
No I don't love him I never have we just co-exist like friends but mainly like two people who do not even like each other. It's not healthy and I'm sure it sounds like I'm being horrible.
I don't want to stay but at the same time I don't want to trouble my dad for instance it's not his problem that I've made crap decisions.
At the end of the day though I need to start thinking about the long-term. I can't live like this the rest of my life it's not fair on either of us.
Thank you for your honesty and kind words :)
---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:56 ----------
Thanks so much you've helped so much I can't even begin to tell you how nice it feels to get this off my chest :) My pleasure Pixiegirl :)
Hey I am sure you dad will want to help his daughter! so don't feel it's your fault and you dad willnt be oh told you so and it's your problem, it becomes his problem too that's what close families are about looking out for each other. If you have this persons number in your phone delete it and block and then you will be id of him!! Glad you are feeling some what better now. Cheers
LiveAboveIt
21-04-17, 07:43
It sounds like you need to re-evaluate what is important to you. Consider leaving if you are not happy and he just causes more anxiety for you. Sometimes unhealthy relationships can be at the forefront of anxiety issues.
Not an easy position to be in. I feel for you.
To answer the original question; my wife exacerbates my anxiety but not because she means to. We have two lively young kids and she struggles to control them, frequent shouting and screaming. I find that very difficult to be around. She comes from a 'stiff upper lip' family and doesn't really understand how I feel. I think shes actually quite an anxious person but it comes out as anger, not like me, who gets very introspective and wound up. I truely love her and my kids with all of my heart but I can see that my situation does exacerbate my anxiety. Trouble is, I can't see any way out of it - I'd never leave them. And even if i did, I think the guilt would be worse than the anxiety.
A completely different situation to yourself I know but it is true that some people in our lives feed the anxiety.
Best of luck.
Pixiegirl Your partner is controlling and you need to leave him. Sorry I only read the bit where you said he accused you of being up to something if you're not home on time. That was all I needed to read.
No I don't love him I never have we just co-exist like friends but mainly like two people who do not even like each other. It's not healthy and I'm sure it sounds like I'm being horrible.
You don't sound horrible at all! I agree with the other posters in that this is unhealthy and some important decisions need to be made for your own well being. It's obvious what those decisions are.
Good luck and as always....
Positive thoughts
Yeah, some people, but the worst is a co-worker that has these annoying habits. I am stuck with her for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week in a normal week. I want to scratch my eyes out at times because she never stops talking, whether it be on the phone, to another person, or to even herself. And it's only me and her in there, so it's not like anyone else would understand. Lately she has been coughing without covering her mouth... Which, to me, is common courtesy. I am not a germophobe, but it's gross.
debbiemail
06-08-17, 02:11
Hi, here are some of my thoughts. Firstly, my partner doesn't show the compassion I need when I feel very fragile. It's not because he doesn't love me. He does and he's a good husband. I feel he's just insensitive and critical and it makes things worse. I daydream about having a partner who just holds me and tells me it'll all be OK. It's interesting that he doesn't say anything specifically to make me feel worse only he doesn't refrain from saying things that I've told him hurt my feelings. Would appreciate some feed back. Thanks in advance.
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