This is so frustrating.. help

[Panda22]

The only place i feel good and like myself is when i'm at home..

As soon as i go out to a shopping mall or supermarket or whatever...especially when it's busy, i feel completely out of it, dizzy and anxious. I feel like if i stay longer i'll lose control and go crazy.

It doesn't make sense... I know walking trough a shopping mall can't make me lose control or go crazy, right? but it does feel like it.. I feel on the verge of a panic attack when im out. Lines at check out seem to take extra long and it just makes me so nervous. The feeling is so overwhelming and strong. Then when i'm home i feel fine again..

I do go out everyday still and go to the city but the feeling is always there...like i just want to go home.

[snowghost57]

Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? Your fears can be resolved with therapy and medication. Have you tried meditating? Your fear is losing control, not the public place. There is a lot of support on the GAD threads. Take care.

[Tea]

Do you have any ways to help yourself calm down? When I'm starting to panic in situations like that, I find taking slow, deep breaths while counting to 5 for inhaling and 7 for exhaling and relaxing music helps a lot. And sometimes just talking to myself in my head about games or sports or something too.

[Panda22]

Yes and i've tried meditating, i'm sure it would relax me but i need it to work in the situation too.. i listen music and it helps to calm down a bit, but i find it very hard to calm down and think clearly when im surrounded by so many people, it's like my brain goes on overload kinda.. only thing that works is going on apps on my phone and trying to distract myself a bit until im home again.. but even then its rough

[ana]

This is exactly how I feel, too. I've been agoraphobic for over a decade now, and what helps me is talking to someone I'm close to on the phone, or using my phone as a distraction whilst I'm outside. Also, being able to calm yourself down when the anxiety/panic does strike is a way of proving to your mind that the outside world is not dangerous and threatening. You might find it useful to keep telling yourself that you are in no danger, that nothing bad is going to happen to you, and that the feelings you're experiencing are just anxiety. It's easier said than done, and I don't always take my own advice, but combating anxiety through repeated exposure to the things that frighten us is the way to recovery.

[Bill]

A symptom of a stressed mind.

The cause of the stress can be any number of reasons such as in the workplace, at school or at home, or it could be due to a past experience or issues that your mind can't stop thinking about that are making you anxious and fearful. Whatever the exact cause, it results in the mind feeling too stressed.

The connection with crowded places is that because you already feel highly stressed, you already have feelings making you feel you want to run but in a crowded place they then trigger feelings making you feel trapped because you feel you have no means of escape.

Imagine that for years you get on with your daily business with no trouble at all then one day you're confronted by a lion. The sight of the lion makes you feel fearful so you run home. Once home you feel safe but you feel too afraid to go out in case the lion is still around. One day though you pluck up the courage to go out. There is no lion around but in your mind you're terrified and feeling very stressed it will turn up. You then enter a crowded shop and because there are so many people around you, you then feel trapped because of these fears that your lion might return but because of all the people, you feel you have no way to escape so you panic.

Now picture the lion as your original panic that caused your fear and wanting to run home in the beginning. Now you fear experiencing panic again whenever you're out and that fear then causes all the symptoms that make you panic which is triggered in crowded places or places or situations you fear. It's a vicious cycle.

You then need to think how to tackle these feelings to overcome this fear. Firstly, you need to build confidence. A lack of confidence creates doubt and fear so staying home and avoiding will mean living in constant fear. However, you can't expect to run before you've tried walking again so just like when confronting a lion, you need to carry the right weapons to defeat your fear. This will mean learning techniques how to keep relaxed in stressful situations. However, the root cause of your stress will still be there which is the stress I spoke of at the beginning. For instance, if it's stress in the workplace or at home etc, you need to consider changing things to ease those stresses. If the stress is being caused by fears that are always in your mind then these will also need to be addressed by learning new ways of thinking so you don't constantly dwell on your fears or on negative thinking processes.

One small tip I would suggest though is to use tunnel vision in shops. Make a list of what you want to get then focus on that list and try to pretend you're alone with no one around. Think of it like an athlete before a race. If he thinks about the crowd and the millions watching on tv, he'll panic and freeze so to combat those fears he focuses on his lane and the finishing line. He ignores the crowd and the other runners. His mind is purely on his technique and getting to the finishing line. In a shop, your technique will be deep breathing and your steps will be each item bought. Your finishing line is the checkout. Try to practise it. Only practise builds confidence and confidence beats anxiety so that it no longer controls you.

Hope that helps to at least understand the reasons.

[Panda22]

Wow Bill, thank you for writing so detailed. That makes so much sense. It explains why i feel anxious when in busy places, and like my mind is searching for something dangerous, but nothing is there.. i feel anxious for no reason but i can't stop it. I actually already kinda do the tunnel vision thing when in a supermarket without realizing it, i just try to focus only on the task of getting the products, not in a hurry but in a relaxed way (trying) and ignoring all the people around me.. it does help a bit because when i look at all the people around going in a hurry it makes my mind go dizzy and i'll feel worse.. like my mind can't handle all the input

@ana yeah i couldnt do it without the distraction from my phone, once when i was on the verge of a panic attack in a busy place i just called my dad and acted totally normal just talking about my day but it helped so much.

[snowghost57]

Bill has a great understanding in regards to anxiety. Look up his threads under GAD. There is one he wrote, " Anxiety is a symptom and the parrot. " This helped me tremendously. Anxiety is a fear, when we discover what we are afraid of we can challenge that fear and learn to cope with it.

Think of your body as a rain barrel. If we fill up the barrel (body) with to much rain water (anxious thoughts) it will over flow, creating a panic attack. The thing that works best for me is to focus on what is right in front of me. It gets hard for me to do this sometimes. However, by practicing it every day it gets better. I'll give you an example; I am looking for a job. This causes me a lot of stress. I was filling out an application yesterday. My mind races ahead, what if the job gets filled? What do I say during the interview? I know it sounds silly but that's my brain, is looking for the "lion" in advance, I want to be prepared for every scenario so I will not embarrass myself. We know we can't predict the future. So, I stop myself and center my attention on what is right in front of me and that is completing the application.

I think you are off to a good start about going shopping and concentrating on what you are looking for. I know the stores in the States they sell flowers, I like to stop and look at them. Maybe as you calm down each trip to the store, stop and look at pleasing things in the store and not focus on that "lion". Keep us posted. Take care!

[Bill]

i feel anxious for no reason but i can't stop it.

I think you'll find this is a common thought to have.

We think we have no reason to be anxious because all we're actually aware of are the symptoms of anxiety hence a symptom of a stressed mind. If we saw a lion, we would see a reason to be anxious but "the lions that we're afraid of exist in our minds as subconscious worries and fears" that are creating stress and this stress we're feeling triggers panic when we feel trapped in a crowded place with no escape but all we're aware of are the symptoms of panic but not the underlying worries and fears causing the stress. In short, if you feel anxious, there is Always a reason if you think deep enough. For instance, if you were asked what is your no. 1 worry or fear or the fear that first comes to mind that you can't shake, that will be your lion that is always there without consciously thinking about it.

As an example, if you have worries or intrusive thoughts that you're constantly trying to block out, they will create stress so when you go into a crowded shop, you'll feel anxious for apparently no reason but the reason does always exist.

This links into the second part....I can't stop it. This is what anxiety wants you to do. This is how it feeds. It feeds off your fear. It Wants you to try and stop it. It works like this...if you try to stop anxious feelings, it means you're trying to resist the feelings and this then causes tension. The tension creates stress and you're back to your lion causing panic.

To defeat anxiety means you mustn't give it what it wants. It wants your attention and it will keep bullying you until you give in. One technique I use if I get an anxious thought is to actually tell myself "Oh shut up" and then focus my mind on something else because to me it's just anxiety trying to gain my attention to make me anxious. This is why you should never sit and dwell on anxious thoughts. It just feeds anxiety. Don't try to resist anxiety either because again you're giving it attention.

Anxiety can Always be stopped but in a sense you have to "give in" by letting it flow through you. This is how relaxation techniques work. They keep you relaxed. This is how you stop anxiety by not trying to resist it. It just takes a lot of practise.

Also, use distraction like you are doing because distracting your mind will mean anxiety is being ignored. Every time it tries to bully you, you can arm yourself with different weapons - distraction, relaxation, ignoring, tunnel vision, not dwelling etc. In other words, the one thing you have to avoid is giving it the attention it wants to feed on. This is why when your mind is really occupied doing something you really enjoy, your lions go away because you don't have time to think about them. There's an old saying - a bored mind is a stressed mind - because we'll always find something to worry about to dwell on...so don't let it happen.

As for those underlying fears that create all the stress, the same applies as with anxious feelings because you'll find the more time you spend not dwelling on them, the less anxious you'll feel about them until one day they'll just be a passing thought you'll brush to one side.

When you go into a shop next time, remind yourself of the reasons you feel anxious so you can rationalise your feelings then remember the different weapons you can use to help you keep relaxed. Anxiety absolutely hates a relaxed mind it can't frighten through worries and intrusive thoughts.

[snowghost57]

Excellent post Bill!

[Bill]

Thank you for your kind words snowghost.:hugs:

This is from an old thread I wrote some years ago which I thought I'd copy here in case it helped to explain things further.


Fear of danger
I'm just hoping this might help others....

Imagine you're standing on a pavement wanting to cross the road but you're feeling nervous because its a busy road and so you're afraid of trying to avoid the traffic. The sun is quickly disappearing though so you feel you must attempt to get across while its light because it'll be more dangerous in the dark.

Standing there you gradually feel more pressurised into making an attempt but you feel too afraid. As time ticks by you feel more and more stressed which causes you to worry thinking "What if" I cross at the wrong time. All you can think about is how fearful you feel and that you can feel your heart racing. You begin to sweat and your breathing becomes shallow and quicker.

Soon you're feeling completely stressed knowing that you're running out of time. You feel trapped and have an uncontrollable desire to run so you no longer think about the traffic and with blind panic you run to escape the anxious feelings to get rid of them.

However, halfway across the road, you suddenly feel giddy, faint and collapse in the middle of the road. The sun goes down and when you come round you're greeted by a stranger who asks if you're ok. You explain what happened and to your surprise they then tell you the road had been closed all day so you actually had nothing to fear.

You feel so stupid that you got so worked up when there was never any traffic that day anyway. However, the next day you return to the pavement and even though the road is still closed, you still worry that you'll faint halfway again. This thought makes you worry and you start to panic. Halfway across the road the same thing Does happen again and once more a stranger turns up asking if you're ok. Neither of you can understand why you're fainting though when there's actually no traffic to fear.

So to explain....

Anything that makes you feel stressed will cause you to feel trapped making you want to fight or run but when you feel there's no escape, panic results causing feelings of "being ill" that frighten you making you Worry about your health and fainting etc. This then causes "fear of feeling fear" making you want to avoid situations that frighten you because of the anxious symptoms you're afraid of that result.

We then look to meds to cure us of our anxious symptoms which are being caused by stress that makes us worry which creates our fear.

Going back to the example above...

Stress = the sun going down making us feel rushed.
Worry = "what if" we can't make it across in time.
Fear = the traffic we have to face to get there.

Once the anxious feelings make us feel afraid as well....

More stress = not feeling able to move.
Worry = "what if" we faint halfway again.
Fear = "what if" we don't come round this time.

When you analyse the example though, there never was any traffic. The stress was caused because we felt rushed. The worry and fear it produced was all created by our lack of confidence.

So the next time you feel anxious or fear panicky feelings, remember your own thoughts are creating them due to stress. If you keep thinking "inwardly" on those thoughts and keep worrying about them, the more panicky and ill you'll feel. If though you can learn to think "outwardly" at what you have to do to get where you want to go, you'll probably still feel stressed and anxious but you'll find your actual anxious symptoms won't frighten you and they'll disappear just as the traffic in the example.