never been so scared in life please help

[tiredofthis14]

ok i have suffered health anxiety a while and seem to go from condition to the next
basically i got poorly a few weeks ago and developed oral thrush i had throat swabs which confirmed
IM NOW CONVINCED I HAVE HIV! not only hiv but aids
i cant sleep i cant eat
iv been trying to get gp to test but they refused so iv ordered a kit there are no clinics near me that willl do it unless your under 25 .im 26
basically my only risk i think was oral sex performed 3/4 yrs ago as far as im aware the person isnt infected but i cant ask!
im terrified all my symptoms add up to hiv and im going to die :( i have alot of symptoms that are same as aids
im married with two children this incidient happend during a seperation so i have the constant guilt of that too i literally dont know what to do im beside myself and know there is nothing i can do its the weekend
everywhere iv read says oral thrush is rare unless you have hiv!
please help my gp said im nuts because all my other bloods perfect i have them tested like every other month anyone know anythign about this that can help me get threw the weekend

[Ryank65]

If your blood tests were fine, then you are fine. You would of had an obnormal blood count in either your white or red blood cells. I'm very very positive you don't have HIV but if you did have it it is not a death sentence since they have medicine that delays HIV turning into AIDS and you can live a long normal life. Just look at Magic Johnson. I'm not sure but I think he's had HIV for 20 plus years and is still fine. You're fine. I get oral flush to hear and there. If your doctor said you don't have it and you did the tests than you're fine. If he thought you had something your doctor would of definitely told you something is up by now. You are not infected at all.

[Carnation]

Oral thrush is more common than you realise.
You can get oral thrush through taking antibiotics and some medications.
My mum had oral thrush many, many times.
So has my mum n law.
So, don't overthink this situation.
It can also be treated quite effectively and quickly.

[Fishmanpa]

Thrush isn't rare! I had it half a dozen times during my cancer treatment. Antibiotics as well of several other BENIGN reasons can cause thrush.

In 3/4 years, you'd be so very ill and tests would have shown something. You don't have HIV for goodness sakes! In the three years you've been posting your fears, has any turned out to be true? (the answer is no btw). Please seek help for your anxiety!

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[tiredofthis14]

thank you for your responses
i understand it common in certain things like cancer treatment and antibiotic use but i havent had any of that it just randomly started
im terrified if i have it itd be late stage because the incidient was 3/4yrs ago so itd be too late for treatment to work
the only thing holding me together is fact my full blood countis normal but everything online does say it wouldnt effect it :(

[ServerError]

If you were late stage, you wouldn't be posting on here.

"Everyone online" means nothing. The outcome of very reliable tests means everything.

I often think there's more going on with HIV worries. Is there something about the encounter itself that has left you feeling guilty, as you'd somehow "deserve" HIV?

In any case, you really need to seek some help with your anxiety.

[tiredofthis14]

i havent had a hiv test yet
and i am in therapy at the moment ...just not really working at the moment
thank you for replying

[ServerError]

Okay, I misread your post. But you still don't say anything indicative of HIV.

If you feel therapy isn't working, be open about that fact with your therapist. They won't be offended. They need to know.

[tiredofthis14]

iv tried speaking to them they say iv improved but they see me for an hour a week :'( its pure hell anything anyone has suggested iv tried i dont understand why im not getting better. i have two small children and i dont want to be terrified anymore :'(
i just want to know im safe if that makes sense i cant speak to anyone its the weekend im awaiting the home testing kit im just so convinced i cant find a reason why id of developed thrush and then i look at all the other weird symtpoms iv had and i literally feel sick to my stomach with worry i try and distract myself and it just screams at me iv tried telling myself even if it was its not going to kill me this weekend and iv worried before and been wrong but it feels so obvious to me this time it got to be that ...then i know anxiety does that i do not know what i and so many others did to deserve this hell :(

[ServerError]

You don't deserve it. Nobody deserves it. You deserve to get better, though.

My advice would be to show this thread to your therapist.

It's unfortunate that therapy isn't as intensive as we might like unless we're able to pay for it. But try not to expect miracles. To get the best out of it, work with your therapist as best you can, and then keep that work going away from sessions. Ultimately, healing comes from within.

[tiredofthis14]

thank you i really apreciate it i just want to get threw the weekend makes me sad
i think im going to be convinced until proven otherwise i keep trying to look at it logically but to me it MUST be hiv :( bleugh

[ServerError]

If "to me" and "logically" are different things, the problem is with the "to me" part. If I told you that, to me, the Earth was flat, you'd know that it didn't have any bearing on reality. It doesn't matter if it's HIV to you, because it isn't HIV. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to start to challenge these irrational thoughts. The fact you've referenced there being a difference between the logical explanation and the one you perceive shows that you can see the logical side of this. Work with that. Instead of just saying it's HIV and that being that, challenge the idea. You might not get it right st first, but keep doing it.

[ElectricAlice]

Why don't you get the blood test? You can just ask for it... then you'll know 100% that you don't have it. Also oral thrush doesn't equate to HIV. Babies get it for example.

[tiredofthis14]

thank u i decided to get up and get on with my life... to be greeted with awful leg pain grr tested positive for clot few weeks ago but scan was clear guess it gives me break from hiv!
and i am having the blood test hopefully this week

---------- Post added at 16:00 ---------- Previous post was at 13:56 ----------

i feel sick to stomach again i just cant stop thinking the thrush is late stage hiv :( it literally destroying me and i cant do anything with it being the weekend

[ServerError]

If you can't do anything, just do whatever you would normally do with a Saturday. Allow the worry to be there, but carry on anyway.

[tiredofthis14]

im trying it not so bad all the time im busy im still worrying but my house is literally spotless iv cut the grass out front and back night time is always worse i just want some sort of like reasurance i guess

[Fishmanpa]

i just want some sort of like reasurance i guess

If medical professionals and scientific medical tests can not reassure you, what makes you think strangers on an internet forum can? Reassurance (and some self control) has to come from within you.

Positive thoughts

[tiredofthis14]

i think it the fact iv not had the test to rule it out so at the moment all i have is knowing i have oral thrush and literally everything says it not normal unless something wrong such as hiv

[ServerError]

I've never had an HIV test either. I'd be lying if I said I'd never done anything irresponsible sexually, although I wouldn't now. I've had illnesses, but I've never assumed it must be HIV.

The problem here isn't that you haven't had the test. It's that you have an anxiety disorder.

[tiredofthis14]

oh no i agree completly its the anxiety thats the problem i meant the thing fueling the anxiety is knowing i havent had it . i just cant turn it off my husband said my gp has no concerns that i have hiv because my fbc is always normal and there are other reasons for thrush but dreaded google only states hiv meh i apreciate ur support so much feel like im going to burst with worry

[ServerError]

Sorry if it seems I'm hellbent on contradicting you. I don't mean to. However, the thing fuelling your anxiety is not that you haven't had the test. It's your reaction to the fact you haven't had the test.

By all means, get the test if you can. But will that be the end of it? Are you on a place to accept the verdict after that? Personally, I believe the best thing to do is to follow your GP's advice, continue with therapy and work on the nature of your thoughts. This might sound hard, but it's arguably the right way forward.

[tiredofthis14]

no i completly apreciate your advice it just hard for me when im this anxious and to be honest itl probly move on to something else it always does
i cant deal with my anxiety being this high i have no idea how to deal with it .
i forgot to put the thrush is in my throat too aparently has a swab i actually panicked because i didnt put it earlier incase it changes someones opinion on the hiv crap
looking at it logically im basing all this on having mouth and throat thrush!
but then i also panicking incase it spreads into my blood stream im really off my trolley at the moment

[tiredofthis14]

god dont know how im going to get threw today woken up convinced thee thrush taken over my body :(

[ElectricAlice]

My partner has had oral thrush and he doesn't have aids.

[tiredofthis14]

thank u im such a mess at the moment i have it in my mouth and my lady area! terrified where else it gonna end up :'(

[GlassPinata]

ok i have suffered health anxiety a while and seem to go from condition to the next
basically i got poorly a few weeks ago and developed oral thrush i had throat swabs which confirmed
IM NOW CONVINCED I HAVE HIV! not only hiv but aids
i cant sleep i cant eat
iv been trying to get gp to test but they refused so iv ordered a kit there are no clinics near me that willl do it unless your under 25 .im 26
basically my only risk i think was oral sex performed 3/4 yrs ago as far as im aware the person isnt infected but i cant ask!
im terrified all my symptoms add up to hiv and im going to die :( i have alot of symptoms that are same as aids
im married with two children this incidient happend during a seperation so i have the constant guilt of that too i literally dont know what to do im beside myself and know there is nothing i can do its the weekend
everywhere iv read says oral thrush is rare unless you have hiv!
please help my gp said im nuts because all my other bloods perfect i have them tested like every other month anyone know anythign about this that can help me get threw the weekend


The CDC (Center for Disease Control) is the world's foremost authority on communicable disease. According to them, the risk of contracting HIV via oral sex is negligible; that is, there has never been a proven case of anyone contracting HIV in this manner. That is not to say it can't happen, just that it is extremely unlikely, even if your partner was known to be infected, which is not the case.

Look here:

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/estimates/riskbehaviors.html

You see, even the highest risk behaviors (anal sex and needle-sharing) are probably lower-risk than you imagined. With standard vaginal sex (with an HIV-infected partner, and without protection) your risk is 8 in 10,000, per act.
And with oral sex (either insertive or receptive), your risk is "low". So low that they cannot qualify it with a number.

So basically, quit worrying. You don't have it.

Best wishes.

PS Oral thrush is not uncommon at all, even in healthy individuals. Try taking some probiotics, such as Culturelle, or just add more yogurt to your diet.

[ocdbaking]

I would also predict that if you had the test done (the one you've bought), that you'll feel a little calmer for a short while before the anxiety starts to convince you that the test missed something, etc etc. Deep down you know the test won't actually help in the long run.

[GlassPinata]

Look here:

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/what-is-thrush#1

I trust WebMD. It is a reputable site.
It says that oral thrush can be caused by anything from stress to hormones to dry mouth.
Yes, the words "HIV" are in there. But it doesn't say anything about people never getting oral thrush unless they have HIV.
I myself get frequent vaginal yeast infections (at least once a year, which is to all too *frequent* for me).
I am aware that frequent vaginal yeast infections are a potential symptom of HIV.
But I do not have HIV (I've been tested), so I don't worry about it.
Rather, I accept the fact that I am an individual who is prone to yeast infections. I've recently started taking probiotics, and I am hoping this will help.
I truly believe you are fine.

[tiredofthis14]

thank u all for your responses i know my aniexty ridiculous at the moment i started to accept there are other reasons to have oral thrush but now because i have it in mouth and down below im convinced il get invasive canidias and die! iv been using jel for mouth and cream for below but the tablets i need to speak to gp before takibg as i have had raised liver tests i just want it to all go so i can stop worrying im beyond bad i woke with really bloodshot eye and freaked itd spread to my eye my family think im bonkers but to me it terryfying

[Buster70]

Hi , I had oral thrush last year , I didn't know what the hell it was but as soon as I showed the pharmacist they knew and asked if I took asthma inhalers which I did and I'd just had my dosage upped a ridiculous amount , the gel soon cleared it up but being stressed does make you more susceptible to infections etc , I have ha but hiv didn't cross my mind and I'm sure google put that one firmly in your mind , stick with the gels and creams and it will clear up and use them for a bit after it goes to make sure it doesn't come back , take care .

[tiredofthis14]

i actually use inhaler too but i kept telling myself iv used it for years and never got thrush thank you for your reply it helped alot

[Buster70]

You're welcome ,I'd used mine for years too it was only the increase that caused the thrush , you need to make sure you rinse your mouth well after use , none of this was explained to me until after I got it . :)