How anxiety can ruin my judgment over new relationship

[vanxious]

Hello,

This is not a new thing to me. Unfortunately i've felt this before, but as the years and experience go by i felt that i'm getting worse and worse dealing with myself.

Do you know when you met somebody that you like, you start chatting, go out one night and start feeling that chemistry? It's great isn't it? The "butterflies in the stomach" feeling is usually a bit disturbing but pleasant at the same time. Not for me.

This is happening to me now but it happened before. The moment i start having feelings for someone i start to loose control of my anxiety, and i'm pretty sure that affect my judgment about the other person. Here's whats happening: I started chatting with this girl a couple of months ago and everything was ok. We chatted a lot, even went out 3 or 4 times, all good. I liked her but i was in perfect control of myself, no anxiety, only good vibes and mood. But, last time we were together, we kissed. And that alone triggered the anxiety in me. From that day till today, i can't prevent myself of having this constant anxiety and fear, because i truly don't know what she's thinking also. We kept talking but i feel that something is different, that she's more distant. But i'm not sure of that, i think my anxiety might be distorting my judgment! I'm always having this inner talk in my head like "good guy / bad guy" and i feel quite lost and don't know what do to. Yesterday i step back from her a little bit, didn't text so much neither interact with her (we work at the same building, although in different areas). She noticed and commented that i was sad. I came home and can't sleep, i cry with rage because i can't get any clear thoughts... it's so frustrating, i don't know what do to. I was feeling so confident and calm until this... now i am again in a place where i don't want to be.

Trust me, this is not just that normal "oh, he's in love" feeling. I know it isn't. This is more "i'm out of control and i'm constantly overthinking about everything, and not in a good way".

Is there anybody out there that feels the same was? I hate this. :(

Thanks.

[florida94]

I always feel something similar to that. I know what its like to like somebody whom you wish you could actually see yourself with but so many thoughts go through your mind that they aren't really happy or they're just not that interested. And when they show any form of distance it stops you from thinking that they still like you. It's hard to deal with this feeling sometimes, and its important that you know how to handle it by learning how to control your thoughts.

I think one thing that helped me is to:

Talk to myself and reaffirm more positive thoughts. I would let my mind race and let the thoughts move around in my head and allow myself to feel whatever I felt... and then I would stop and telly myself a bunch of other thoughts to help keep me calm...

"Maybe theres a reason behind all of this. Maybe they feel the same way I do."

I'd come up with lies just to calm myself down, but in reality, thats what you need if you wanna stop the anxiety.

If this relationship does progress, it's important that you progress and learn how to handle your feelings to avoid letting your mind race. It's a learning progress. You ay not stop the anxious thoughts right away, but with time, you will eventually learn how to handle them.