OCD BBC Programme tonight

[Lucinda07]

A 30 minute programme entitled OCD- An Actors Tale will be repeated on BBC News 24 Channel at 9.30 pm.
I saw a little when it was transmitted earlier this morning, but had to go out.
It seems quite good & informative.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks Lucinda, I missed it. Was it any good?

I've just seen Bill bumping his thread mentioning it.

What themes were they covering?

---------- Post added at 05:22 ---------- Previous post was at 05:15 ----------

Ah, it's Owen off Corrie!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-39473857

"For me I can obsess about anything, from a stain on a piece of paper to the fear I'll injure myself simply sitting down. Then I'm compelled to do some mental checks, or perform careful rituals to quell my anxiety," he said.

[Bill]

Hello Lucinda,
I watched it and it brought back a lot of memories how OCD used to affect me. It reminded me of a thread I started "What worked for me" which I've now bumped up as maybe it will give hope to others such as those in that programme that even if you don't receive professional help, it is still possible to overcome OCD.

For me it was like a habit I couldn't break because the anxiety felt too extreme but one day, after being frustrated by, sadly, poor therapists, I decided to start helping myself by starting small and gradually building up my confidence. For me it was overcoming that first obstacle which gave me belief that I could overcome others.

One thing I did find though, like all anxiety, if you're in a really stressed state, the OCD gains power from it but if you can keep as calm as possible, it is easier to overcome. It's a bit like firstly learning how to turn down the fuel that heats the flame because then it's easier to put the flame out.

One little example - I used to have this fear about the colour black. I couldn't touch anything black without immediately washing my hands. I couldn't cross the road behind a black car and if I had to, I'd cross back again until another coloured car came a long. If I saw a black bird, I'd look for another bird to cancel out the black bird. The list was endless really.

So, one day I got so fed up with these rituals that I decided for myself that I would touch something black and not wash my hands. My fear was something bad would happen but it didn't and the anxiety I felt gradually subsided so then I thought I'd try crossing the road behind a black car and resist wanting to find another car. Again nothing bad happened and so gradually my confidence started to build as I realised that I could do this with anything black.

One small step at a time and never giving in to the anxious feelings. Gradually I found it did get easier.

My one feeling though was I wish I had someone there beside me at the time instructing me what I was telling myself. I think I would have found it easier having someone beside me I felt I could trust. I know though that if you don't have faith in someone, you can never do whatever they say when it comes to overcoming anxiety.

Anyway, watching that programme made me feel very sad, not just because of the memories it brought back for me but also because it reminded me how devastating this condition is for many "hidden" people who are not receiving the help they need. I just wish I could do more to help them.

Terry, I was typing the above just as you were typing your post.

[Lucinda07]

Hi Guys
I'm pleased you found the programme useful. Its still available to watch on iplayer (for 11 months!).
The case studies were interesting, but saddening as many participants had poor quality of life. I found Chloe's case heart-breaking, especially as she was so young.
The programme highlighted the woeful lack of help on the NHS.
Keith Fearns, the CBT/OCD therapist, has a website (www.keithferns.co.uk) with some free downloads. He is writing a self-help book which will be made available on completion.
Bill, you managed to overcome severe obsessions/compulsions - absolutely amazing! However, as you say, it would have been so much better to have someone beside you. Lets hope more advice and help gradually becomes available for all the "hidden" people. L

[Bill]

Hello Lucinda, (This has turned out much longer than I meant it to be. I think I'll copy this to the GAD section too in case it helps anyone.)

I truly believe that no matter what type of anxiety someone is suffering from, it is possible to achieve a life where anxiety doesn't dominate.
In my experience I can remember two really poor therapists who treated me as if there was nothing wrong with me. Some of the advice they gave you just wouldn't believe. Since then though I've come into contact with other therapists who really knew their jobs and they have restored my faith.

My problems started in my childhood. I can remember two incidents in particular. I was walking with my mother and I can remember asking her why do people get ill. She said it can be because of dirt. That stayed with me so I became fixated about keeping clean. I must have been little because I can remember using the toilet and afraid to sit on the seat. My mother was present and she didn't realise what I was afraid of. She thought I was afraid of falling in the toilet. After that I can then remember being at school and urgently needing to sit on the loo but I was too afraid of germs and since it was nearly home time I decided to hold on until my mother picked me up and got me home. I didn't make it home in time though and I can still remember my mother asking me why didn't I go before I left school.


It's amazing how memories stay with you. I was too afraid to tell my parents about my fears. I always tried to hide them which was the wrong thing to do because when you bottle things, the problems only get worse.

When I went to secondary school I was bullied. I hated it there. So much so that my anxiety became got worse. I used to be sick in the mornings and took a mixture to try and calm my stomach, still hiding it from my parents. I didn't even tell them about the bullying. In the end I retaliated with the bullies and ended up in fights for which I got the cane or slipper.

Also in my teens, my OCD got out of control. I didn't know it had a title. All I knew was that I had to constantly check things such as locks, taps etc. I hated being the last person out the house because I got into such a state that even when I got out, I couldn't stop asking myself if I'd checked everything. I was afraid of getting blamed if anything went wrong, even though my parents would never turn on me. I used to be shaking, sweating, my heat beat would be through the roof. I hated it. I always tried to race to make sure I wasn't the last one out.

I didn't know I had a problem. I just thought it was a part of who I was. When I started work, the OCD just got even worse. I used to wash my hands constantly until they were white and the fakes of skin fell off. I remember my parents noticing but not really saying anything other than making comments about how I'd cope if I was on my own. My checking was just as bad but also health anxiety surfaced. I couldn't watch programmes about health related issues because they just made me vomit. My parents would just say I shouldn't eat dinner while watching tv.

I used to hate using the toilets at work too so the night before I'd eat lots of fruit thinking it would clear me out before I got to work. It didn't work. It just made me go before I left home and when I got to work so I was told off for always being late to my desk because of being in the loo.

I had this "thing" about numbers and words. I had to check things a certain number of times until I reached a safe number. The trouble was if I had a bad intrusive thought on that safe number, I'd have to carry on until I reached my next safe number.

I couldn't close newspapers or books without looking at a safe word last. Otherwise I'd have to keep going back to the same page but again if a bad intrusive thought started or I opened and closed the paper on an unsafe number, I'd have to keep going. It was horrendous.

The colour black was a major problem. Anything black I saw or touched would result in repeating rituals such as not crossing the road behind black cars or washing my hands after touching anything black. Think how many things are black and you'll get an idea how much time I wasted.

At work I can remember writing numbers for my boss. I made a mistake so I wanted to write the whole list again. I didn't know he was watching. Oh boy, there was hell to pay as he was in a hurry for the figures. Mind you, I hated working there so the stress really didn't help. I used to have to clock in but because of my safe numbers I had to wait until the clock read a safe time. I was always late, specially as it meant using the loo to. Amazing to think I kept my jobs.

I also remember destroying books etc. because I feared they were contaminated. Such a waste, especially as I really liked those books.

Even washing was a problem because I would count how many times I'd rinse with water etc. Numbers, words, intrusive thoughts - they all contributed to bully me to stop me enjoying life.

I know how horrible it feels to do something but something inside you compels you to have to go back to do it again...and again...and again...and the more times you go back, the worse you feel until you feel a complete wreck.

I think I've always been sensitive, insecure, a born worrier, intense, a perfectionist and definitely suffering a lack of confidence. I'm quite sure my personality made me prone to my issues.

When I first started work I wouldn't engage in conversation. I was so anxious, I was even too afraid to talk to girls. At school I never had any girlfriends. They never even looked at me twice. I was incredibly shy. To talk to a girl was like taking an exam. I'd feel sick and was often sick with fear.

I think it took me years to come out of my shell. Eventually as I built my confidence I held meetings and I was able to train others, and yes, even managed to talk to girls. I would have to say that I feel my biggest achievement was being interviewed on radio, more than once because of some research I did. I'm only saying this because compared to how I used to be, I would never have dreamt that possible.

I have to admit though when stress at home and at work became too great, I went through what I call my really bad spell when I couldn't see any future. I used to think that only young people self harmed. I couldn't understand why they did though because they seemed the most lovely people you could wish to meet. It was only when I started doing it myself that I understood the mental pain they must suffer too. I think it is so easily misunderstood. It's not always a cry for help. I think in most cases it's to relieve mental pain. I know there's a biological reason for it but I know it helped me. I used to use whatever I could find to take away my torment. Like so many people, I hid it. If it was a cry for help, why hide the cuts. I felt it was my only option. It didn't stop there though because then I started taking od's. I just lost hope of any future. I was surrounded by mental pain because of the pressures at home and at work. At work I just kept getting suicidal thoughts. My mind wasn't concentrating on my job and my boss noticed. Eventually I had to let it all out to her in a meeting room. When I told her everything, she just started crying. I'll never forget that. She had no idea what I was going through.

I thought by taking sick leave I'd ease the pressures and it would help me recover but without realising it I'd trapped myself in 24hr pressure at home living with someone with severe mental illness. I don't feel I can say too much other than I had to lock myself in the bathroom or walk the streets in the middle of the night. The pressure was constant and I had no one to turn to. Life just wasn't worth living. I was so tired, so stressed. It was a nightmare.

This is when I was prescribed countless meds that never worked. I was given ECT when they should have realised the real causes and that it wasn't depression. It was only when I saw a psychologist that I was told that I was simply taking on too much. He said I had a choice, so I gave up my job but it wasn't really the answer. I just nosedived.

My general anxiety was with me every minute of every day. From feeling sick in the morning to feeling sick at night. I felt so alone. I used to pray to the heavens to send me an angel, to make all my pain go away but none ever arrived.

I think though that everything I've been through has given me the understanding of how anxiety works and how it affects others. I can remember watching tv and seeing a news article about a mother jumping off a bridge with her two disabled children. They said they did all they could to help them but it made me feel, it obviously wasn't enough. It also made me realise though that rather than self-destructing, I should be doing more to try to help others like that poor mother. I feel too many people are being neglected and with cutbacks even more so. Lives are worth more than just money.

After seeing this on the news, I decided I really had to help myself get better so I made a plan to find ways to ease my stresses and to start combating my OCD and other anxiety issues. It took time but compared to then, I don't suffer anywhere near like I did. Nowadays I don't think anyone would even be aware of my past or the minor anxieties that still try to bully me. I've learnt what I must do to find enjoyment in life.

I must confess I always carry with me an emptiness. It never seems to leave me. I've lost my parents, I lost my only sister and I hardly ever hear from other family members. I have friends but they don't know my history. I think though that this emptiness is something I will always have to live with. I think I'll always feel alone.

However, to finish on a happier note, I do honestly believe it is possible to find enjoyment in life. You just need the knowledge, the right tools and the right attitude with a bit of courage, and you can be free of anxiety.

You've read what I've been through and I'm absolutely no different from everyone else on this forum so if I can help myself, I know deep down a lot of you can learn how to help yourselves too. I also know there are others on here who are now leading happier lives because of all the work Nic has done in creating this forum to connect and help so many people.

If you think I could help you in some way, please don't be afraid to send me a pm. I don't bite and I really would love to help.

[Lucinda07]

Bill,
A great deal of your life must have been a nightmare! Such a shame it was not possible for you to confide in your parents & deal with the fears in childhood.
Despite everything, you overcame tremendous adversity & did well at work. Now you are advising others and trying to help where-ever possible. You deserve a medal!

[Bill]

If by sharing my story and offering my advice through my experiences, I help just one person in some small way by showing they are not alone and that there is always hope, it would be worth far more to me than any medal could be.

I had the best parents anyone could wish to have. I knew I could always talk to them but my own fears prevented me from opening up for fear of worrying them or that they would think bad of me. I think I felt just too shy or embarrassed to talk about my fears. Looking back I think it's strange that I thought like that when I had such loving parents.

There was another programme on tonight about children going missing. I only saw the last bit but it looked as if they had loving parents too but it appeared they had similar problems to me that they felt too afraid to say anything about their feelings. It's really sad.

I know that I've found that if I met someone I felt wouldn't understand my anxiety, I wouldn't feel able to share. It would have to be the right person who wouldn't judge, ridicule or belittle me.

There are a number of bits I thought of later that I missed out from my post but I think the most important part was the overdoses. I don't know what I actually intended at the time. All I know was I had this feeling I just didn't care if I took too much or not. I started mixing things, even the ad's prescribed to me together with other pills. Each time my father would collect me from hospital and not saying anything other than asking if I was ok and reminding me that they were there for me. They knew the pressures I was under but there really wasn't anything they could do. It was something I had to work out for myself one way or another so I held no blame towards them. I must have been such a big worry to them.

The last time I took an overdose, a doctor said to me "One more of them and I wouldn't be here". It seemed to make the penny drop that I was throwing my life away for nothing. At the same time that's when I heard about the mother jumping off the bridge. I firmly believe it was these events that turned my life around because I realised I wasn't the only one suffering as I was.

From that point on, I decided that the only person who could bring me out of my hole was me so I started making positive changes. I looked for help that would ease the pressures off me. I also knew what I had to do to help my own anxieties so I forced myself to confront them. At the same time I decided to look for ways to reach out to try and find others who were suffering in the hope to help prevent them going through my experiences and to the limit as I did. Every time I hear a life has been lost due to a lack of support, it hurts. How many times do you hear people interviewed after such an event and they saying how shocked they were. I just feel that if you put yourself in the persons position, they would be more aware of the pressures they must have been enduring and they wouldn't feel so shocked. If there were more empathic people around, people would feel they could open up and more would be helped.

It's actually one of the beauties of anxiety sufferers and what I've found so satisfying in trying to help them, that a lot of sufferers are sensitive and that often makes them caring towards others. For instance, I know there have been a lot of nurses on here and I can understand why. I have immense admiration for anyone in the caring profession.

Anyway, I'm going off the subject of OCD. I've found in my experiences we all suffer from anxiety on here but that there are many symptoms of anxiety. To me, OCD is one of them. We perform rituals because of the anxiety we feel if we don't. I found there is only one way to overcome it and that is to resist the temptation no matter how ill it makes you feel because the anxiety Always goes down eventually.

One technique I found worked was to list a number of things that would make me anxious that would lead to me to repeating then do all of those things one after the other without going back to them. The idea is that you either forget or run out of time. If you do the same day after day, the anxiety subsides.

A little example - if say when you put an item of clothing on, you get an intrusive thought or you hear or see something around you that makes you feel so anxious that you need to take it off and on again until you feel safe, resist the temptation. Continue to wear it all day regardless of the anxiety. That night you will take it off and put it in the wash or you'll put it on again the next day. By then, it's too late to repeat or the need has gone. The next day you put something on and the same feelings arise, just do the same as the previous day. As each day goes by the anxiety becomes less as your confidence builds. In the end, you've broken the bad habit and created a new one. I know it feels Really uncomfortable at first but you have to remind yourself, you're performing a ritual purely based on an anxious thought. If you were watching someone else putting an item of clothing on, you wouldn't see their thoughts so the thoughts you're thinking are invisible to them. They're just thoughts which have no power.
For me, I just used the same technique with everything that made me feel anxious. You will find that with every hurdle you overcome, your confidence will build and the later hurdles will feel smaller. I know it takes a lot of courage and I felt if I had someone beside me offering reassurance it was safe, I would have found it easier but at the end of the day, only the sufferer can decide if they want to stop the rituals or not and they want to be rid of the worst of their anxiety.

One thing that I feel is really important though and that is, if you feel under extreme stress by work, home etc, then consider making changes to ease those pressures because the more stress you're feeling, the more difficult it is to stop rituals.

All I can say for definite is I no longer have any anxieties or rituals such as those I've listed above that now cause me to take up huge amounts of my time preventing me from having time to do the things I enjoy. Finding enjoyment in living is such a key element in overcoming anxiety.

[Phuzella]

:)