Fergggg
09-04-17, 21:27
Hey gang,
New to the board, read some replies and threads here and found it a great comfort to see I'm not alone in my anxious spells.
Just wanted to share my story and maybe get some advice. Been off work for a week as of tomorrow and they're being incredibly supportive. I've been working in a cafe for five years now while I went through University. After I graduated (last October), I was incredibly excited to finally get started in the big bad world. I'd had panic attacks before, and had one the morning of my graduation (my surname ensured I was the first to be called on stage at graduation, which FREAKED me out) but because I've always been a worrier and had suffered mild-to-severe panic attacks before, I thought nothing of it. Flash forward about two weeks and I had one while getting my haircut one Saturday morning. Again, I explained it away as I'd been heavily drinking that weekend with friends, so I figured it might be a byproduct of the alcohol. In the coming months (Nov/Dec/Jan) I had two, maybe three mild panic attacks due to feeling a bit stuck in my life. A six year relationship had collapsed two years prior, failed dating, friends moving on around me and still working in the cafe at 28 years old had me feeling pretty glum.
So to get up to this week; Saturday night I had a date and got a taxi into town to meet her. She's a really cool woman, bright, attractive, sweet. For whatever reason I freaked out before she arrived and called her and told her I had gotten really bad news. I was trembling all over and my heart was racing, I felt like I might collapse. She was incredibly sweet, came and met me and chatted as she could see I was agitated. I feel ****ing horrible for lying to her but couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth (we've only met twice before). I stuck it out and was fine after awhile. The following day was a really bad one, with an immediate panic attack in the morning followed by one in the cinema in the evening, causing me to leave the movie after fifteen minutes.
Monday morning I called into work and got about an hour and a half into my shift before I burst into tears. I was shaky, couldn't concentrate, mind was racing and my heart was thumping in my chest. I'd felt it before, years ago, but the thought didn't help. My manager let me leave and gave me the few days off; they've been really cool about everything and I've been really transparent about it all. It just gets intensely busy in there and when orders stack up on the coffee machine I feel like I'm going to pass out. Like I'm trapped.
My doctor's put me on 5mg escilitopram (spelling?) and I'm on the 7th day so far. Sleep's been a bit off, and my evenings are fine, I feel relatively angst free, but the mornings are horrible. It's really difficult to get up and motivate myself to get going. He gave me 2mg Diazepam for emergencies too, but I'm wondering if I could take a half of one before going to work to ease me back into it all? I LOVE everyone inside there, they're all good friends, but the place itself just towers over me and I feel helpless with it. I'm going to a psychotherapist next week too, for the first time, so I feel confident I'll beat this, but the prospect of going back to work is so daunting. :weep:
My anxiety has affected everything from work, social events to intimacy in the past and it really hurts. I'm only 28 and it makes me feel so weak as a man and a human.
Anyway, nice to meet you all!
And sorry for the long post! :D
New to the board, read some replies and threads here and found it a great comfort to see I'm not alone in my anxious spells.
Just wanted to share my story and maybe get some advice. Been off work for a week as of tomorrow and they're being incredibly supportive. I've been working in a cafe for five years now while I went through University. After I graduated (last October), I was incredibly excited to finally get started in the big bad world. I'd had panic attacks before, and had one the morning of my graduation (my surname ensured I was the first to be called on stage at graduation, which FREAKED me out) but because I've always been a worrier and had suffered mild-to-severe panic attacks before, I thought nothing of it. Flash forward about two weeks and I had one while getting my haircut one Saturday morning. Again, I explained it away as I'd been heavily drinking that weekend with friends, so I figured it might be a byproduct of the alcohol. In the coming months (Nov/Dec/Jan) I had two, maybe three mild panic attacks due to feeling a bit stuck in my life. A six year relationship had collapsed two years prior, failed dating, friends moving on around me and still working in the cafe at 28 years old had me feeling pretty glum.
So to get up to this week; Saturday night I had a date and got a taxi into town to meet her. She's a really cool woman, bright, attractive, sweet. For whatever reason I freaked out before she arrived and called her and told her I had gotten really bad news. I was trembling all over and my heart was racing, I felt like I might collapse. She was incredibly sweet, came and met me and chatted as she could see I was agitated. I feel ****ing horrible for lying to her but couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth (we've only met twice before). I stuck it out and was fine after awhile. The following day was a really bad one, with an immediate panic attack in the morning followed by one in the cinema in the evening, causing me to leave the movie after fifteen minutes.
Monday morning I called into work and got about an hour and a half into my shift before I burst into tears. I was shaky, couldn't concentrate, mind was racing and my heart was thumping in my chest. I'd felt it before, years ago, but the thought didn't help. My manager let me leave and gave me the few days off; they've been really cool about everything and I've been really transparent about it all. It just gets intensely busy in there and when orders stack up on the coffee machine I feel like I'm going to pass out. Like I'm trapped.
My doctor's put me on 5mg escilitopram (spelling?) and I'm on the 7th day so far. Sleep's been a bit off, and my evenings are fine, I feel relatively angst free, but the mornings are horrible. It's really difficult to get up and motivate myself to get going. He gave me 2mg Diazepam for emergencies too, but I'm wondering if I could take a half of one before going to work to ease me back into it all? I LOVE everyone inside there, they're all good friends, but the place itself just towers over me and I feel helpless with it. I'm going to a psychotherapist next week too, for the first time, so I feel confident I'll beat this, but the prospect of going back to work is so daunting. :weep:
My anxiety has affected everything from work, social events to intimacy in the past and it really hurts. I'm only 28 and it makes me feel so weak as a man and a human.
Anyway, nice to meet you all!
And sorry for the long post! :D