Latched on to a new symptom

[PASchoolSyndrome]

So the other day I was leaning on my arm for a while and it started to go numb so I switched my position. I noticed an extremely sharp pain at the top of my arm near my shoulder. Figured I pitched a nerve or tugged something due to my position. My health anxiety doesn't get too bad until it does, you know?

So I go about my life. However I go to bed that night and I wake up in the middle of the night because the pain is so bad. I toss and turn and try to switch my position. The next morning I'm trying to reproduce the pain and I can't really. I've got full range of motion but with a little twinge here and there. And then last night it woke me up again, just so much pain that I can't sleep through it until it goes away.

Now my wheels are turning. I can't tell if it's muscular or bone and the pain comes and goes. Wakes me up in the middle of the night. Going through my own differential diagnosis for this type of presentation (anxiety filled, mind you) and boom. Osteosarcoma. Sure, an extremely rare cancer that affects kids and young adults with a common area being where my pain is). Start to make my symptoms fit like a glove. Anyway, I actually have a professor that I'm seeing today is an orthopod so I'm going to talk to him about it and see what he suggests. My insurance is bad and I've already been to the doctor like 3 times since November so it's definitely anxiety driven. It should get better within a couple of weeks and I know if it doesn't what the answer is: make an actual appointment with actual diagnostics, but I'm upset at myself that it's mostly my anxiety going straight to cancer again.

[NancyW]

How much time do you spend at a computer?

I got myself if some pretty bad (similar) pain...

In the end, it was caused by my posture at the computer.

[GlassPinata]

I hear you. :(
I've recently latched on to a new symptom as well... or rather, revived an old one.
I have a lump in the fatty part of my thigh; it's firm and rubbery, painless, mobile, about the size of a pea. It can't be seen, only felt.
I've had this for at least seven, possibly eight years. It has not grown.
About five years ago, I decided to go to a doctor about it, and the doctor seemed totally unconcerned. He didn't know what it was; said it could be a lymph node, a lipoma, a cyst of some kind. He declined to do any further testing on it. I was very anxious, and asked him, "So if I was your wife, or your daughter, you wouldn't want to do any further tests to figure out what this is?"
And he said, "No. You've had it three years and it hasn't changed. If it was cancer, your leg would be eaten up with it by now."

After that, I forgot about it for years, only noticing it while shaving my legs.
Well, I guess I bumped it at work last week, or else my son kicked me in it while we were playing, because it's sore now. Or at least tender, when I press on it. And it's probably my imagination, but it seems to have gotten slightly bigger. I'm always aware of it now.

I guess after so many years and no change in size, there is no likelihood of it being cancer.
And I can't go to a doctor now anyway (uninsured).

This is not the first time I've "rediscovered" this thing.
Four or five times over years, I've suddenly "remembered" that this thing is there, and started to worry anew about it.
Then some more urgent worry pops up and the thigh lump slips my mind again, for a year or two.

But I certainly understand "latching on to" a symptom and turning it into something horrible in your mind.
That's the nature of anxiety disorder, i suppose. :weep::weep:

At any rate, I'm sure you're fine. There are so many more likely things that your symptom could point to. Please don't distress yourself over it.
We are always here to listen. I'm sure everyone here can relate.

Best wishes.

[PASchoolSyndrome]

I spend a lot of time on the computer. I'm currently in clinicals so it's better during the day by I'll still sit and study for a while either to touch up on the day or prepare myself for the next round of patients.

That's why I love this community because you get sympathetic ears or sometimes the tough love you need. It's just nice to type it out and talk to people either going through something similar or helping someone else out (which indeed is therapeutic). It's just not easy to not get down on yourself when you "relapse", for lack of a better term.

I spoke to my professor and laughed how the first thing that came to mind was cancer. I've been known to "joke" about it being cancer with my professors before and this one knows that my dad died of brain cancer which we were pretty sure was mets from his lungs, and ever since then a switch went off in my brain. This professor's wife survived breast cancer so he understands (but correctly lectured me on how I need to get over this fear so I can take the best care of my patients and myself - also the old "it's not cancer until they say it is". Anyway he was awesome, gave me a good physical exam and then just kind of rolled his eyes and said bicep tendinitis. And no crap it wakes me up in the middle of the night because I'm sleeping on it probably. And the whole it started after leaning on it for two long makes it 1+1=2.

This is the clinical experience that you don't get from textbooks and why doctors/PAs/NPs go through so much more training and are smarter than all of google combined. I'll do what he tells me to do (two ibuprofen am two pm for two weeks) and then go back to him and he'll re-evaluate and let me know if I need to go make an actual appointment.

[Catherine S]

What surprises me is that so many medically trained people are also suffering with hypochondria. It's not something the ordinary person would think, since it's medically trained people the ordinary person seeks out for help. But there are a number of nurses on the forum who have hypochondria...did this happen as a result of being confronted by people with illness? Or was it there before? Aren't you training to be a doctor PAS? Perhaps you can give some insight into this phenomenon. Thanks.

ISB x

[PASchoolSyndrome]

What surprises me is that so many medically trained people are also suffering with hypochondria. It's not something the ordinary person would think, since it's medically trained people the ordinary person seeks out for help. But there are a number of nurses on the forum who have hypochondria...did this happen as a result of being confronted by people with illness? Or was it there before? Aren't you training to be a doctor PAS? Perhaps you can give some insight into this phenomenon. Thanks.

ISB x

I think it's pretty multifactorial and depends on the provider involved. There's actually quite a few mental health issues and debates, especially within the medical community. There is a high rate of suicide and depression and the question is which came first, the chicken or the egg? Is the high intense level of training causing depression or does it just bring out a genetic disposition? I think most medical providers in training go through some health anxiety. During our blood cancer unit everyone felt for their own lymph nodes and all of us thought we had enlarged ones at one point. I just think maybe for people like myself, the fear goes a bit deeper. Others may gain it from seeing patients who are very young or those zebras who are the exception to the rule and worry if it could happen to them.

I am training to be a physician assistant. While I won't be a doctor I will be a practicing clinician that is just as qualified as a doctor - with a few expections of course. My particular situation is ive always had a mild case of general anxiety. I think with a mixture of my fathers life-ending cancer at a young age and being over educated on disease states my general anxiety has turned to cancer-related anxiety. There was an occasion where I questioned my career choice, but without trying to be obnoxious I'm pretty good at what I do and I love caring for people.

I've seen many patients thus far in my training and I am confident in my ability to care for them in a logical fashion. While I'm still a student and have a long way to go, my own personal anxiety does not interfere with my care, as any other provider does well with not letting their anxiety/depression interrupt their care.

I actually am doing an internship at a cancer institution so I'm working really hard to be able to control my own fears and help those who are truest in need. Unfortunately I am worried that I won't be able to handle it :shrug: I'm working hard though.

[Catherine S]

I think you are perfect for the job to be honest. I would rather have a medic who knows how hypochondria works than a medic who dismisses it. I was only curious as to the fact that health anxiety can and does happen even to our care givers...we ordinary Joes tend to put medics into that 'other worldly' catagory, which is actually unfair. You are not machines, you are living breathing people.

I have a doctor, my family doctor who actually suffers with the same irregular heartbeats (pvcs ) that I do, and he and I take the same beta blockers to ease them. So imagine my pleasure knowing he feels them too and being able to talk to him about this. It makes such a difference to me.

I wish you well in your chosen career, and I know you will make a positive difference to those who find themselves in the throes of health anxiety. They will trust you to help them as we do here.

Best wishes
ISB ☺ x

[PASchoolSyndrome]

I think you are perfect for the job to be honest. I would rather have a medic who knows how hypochondria works than a medic who dismisses it. I was only curious as to the fact that health anxiety can and does happen even to our care givers...we ordinary Joes tend to put medics into that 'other worldly' catagory, which is actually unfair. You are not machines, you are living breathing people.

I have a doctor, my family doctor who actually suffers with the same irregular heartbeats (pvcs ) that I do, and he and I take the same beta blockers to ease them. So imagine my pleasure knowing he feels them too and being able to talk to him about this. It makes such a difference to me.

I wish you well in your chosen career, and I know you will make a positive difference to those who find themselves in the throes of health anxiety. They will trust you to help them as we do here.

Best wishes
ISB ☺ x

Thank you very much! I appreciate it. Exactly, medics are humans and they suffer through the same things everyone else does. No amount of education and knowledge makes them immune to anything.

My primary care doctor is very good with patients with depression and anxiety. I actually went to see him for something anxiety related and he very much inspired me. You're right, it is comforting.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yep, you've either trapped or nerve or caused some damage to muscles. And by damage, I don't mean "trauma", I mean "sprain/strain" or "micro tears". The latter being the aim of anyone who works out to build more muscle, therefore a totally natural process.

You've likely been sitting in a non neutral position (I bet you've had all the "how to sit at your desk stuff" in your trained?) and it's ended up hurting, most likely due to some inflammation.

Then you put pressure on it in the night and back it comes.

This is all completely normal.

The thing to look at is the behaviour. Why would you be trying to reproduce it? Why would you need to get confirmation of what this is from the professor?

You don't 100% understand how you have caused it, and no doctor is likely too beyond taking an educated guess based on what you describe. Aren't they likely to look at it as one of those day-to-day pains that we experience unless it persists?

And isn't the testing just a way to engage in the obsession?

And isn't talking to the professor about an osteo issue from something over night, perhaps reassurance seeking?

So, what would be a better strategy? Wait and see if it goes and bare out the anxiety? Won't that go towards recovery when things happen again? How about treating it as it were a knock or bruise that you could trace back to an event? Then see what happens?

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Yep, you've either trapped or nerve or caused some damage to muscles. And by damage, I don't mean "trauma", I mean "sprain/strain" or "micro tears". The latter being the aim of anyone who works out to build more muscle, therefore a totally natural process.

You've likely been sitting in a non neutral position (I bet you've had all the "how to sit at your desk stuff" in your trained?) and it's ended up hurting, most likely due to some inflammation.

Then you put pressure on it in the night and back it comes.

This is all completely normal.

The thing to look at is the behaviour. Why would you be trying to reproduce it? Why would you need to get confirmation of what this is from the professor?

You don't 100% understand how you have caused it, and no doctor is likely too beyond taking an educated guess based on what you describe. Aren't they likely to look at it as one of those day-to-day pains that we experience unless it persists?

And isn't the testing just a way to engage in the obsession?

And isn't talking to the professor about an osteo issue from something over night, perhaps reassurance seeking?

So, what would be a better strategy? Wait and see if it goes and bare out the anxiety? Won't that go towards recovery when things happen again? How about treating it as it were a knock or bruise that you could trace back to an event? Then see what happens?

I agree, none of it is healthy. A normal person would just wait it out for longer than a few days and then no longer worry once it disappears. Hell, that's what I'd tell a patient if they came to see me with the same problem. I knew I was seeing him today and given his speciality I asked him because unfortunately I do suffer from such anxiety. And I'm particularly close with him so while not maybe the most professional it's definitely not as embarrassing or going to ruin me in his eyes.

I wish my anxiety was different. Don't we all?

[GlassPinata]

I agree, none of it is healthy. A normal person would just wait it out for longer than a few days and then no longer worry once it disappears. Hell, that's what I'd tell a patient if they came to see me with the same problem. I knew I was seeing him today and given his speciality I asked him because unfortunately I do suffer from such anxiety. And I'm particularly close with him so while not maybe the most professional it's definitely not as embarrassing or going to ruin me in his eyes.

I wish my anxiety was different. Don't we all?

Right. normal people would probably just note any unusual symptom, and then wait for it to go away.... which 90% of my *scary* symptoms do, within days (or at most, weeks).
If a symptom didn't go away, a normal person might eventually see a doctor.... but if the doctor told her it was nothing serious, she would believe the doctor, and not worry about it anymore.
This is another thing I have trouble with: believing doctors.

[PASchoolSyndrome]

This is another thing I have trouble with: believing doctors.

Which mind boggles me. Like I know for a fact that they know what they're talking about. I know for a fact that on a student level I know what I'm talking about.

Yet when I leave after an appointment for insert whatever troubling symptom, I'm worried they missed something. My anxiety can become beyond fact and logic.. which is essentially why anxiety is so hard to deal with.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm a non HAer. My response would be "ouch", have a quick look, give it a rub and them maybe grumble about it here & there but regard it just something I've done. It's not worry, if anything it would be concern even when I did think of seeing a GP. A member on here who beat their panic once spoke of the difference between worry & concern and I agree with him. Concern is fine, worry is fine, excessive worry isn't, but also worrying when it should be concern is something to work on too.

But yes, the grass is always greener...but when you read what others are going through in places like this you can see that anxiety is anxiety. I wish my anxieties weren't here but wouldn't I be just as bad with a different theme anyway?

I'm sure your prof wouldn't think anything of it, or of you asking, because with you being close I bet he has some insight into why you are asking. He must see it a lot in his role.

I'm not trying to be direct with the questioning, but it's not always easy in written form, but you are a logical medical person so you will be looking more to remove the emotion from the Q&A I would imagine therefore seeing where some of what you are saying is actually going to reinforce the anxiety. But I'm a sufferer like anyone else and I do my share of struggling with change of my behaviours too, so I understand how seeing it & doing it can be very different things and sometimes you reach points in these cycles where you feel able to tackle things more recovery based.

But if you can look more towards adaptive behaviour and get behind it. Your subconscious will fight you all the way but eventually it will learn from your conscious efforts. Try to turn the negatives into positive/neutral through working on your reactions too.

---------- Post added at 04:51 ---------- Previous post was at 04:47 ----------


Which mind boggles me. Like I know for a fact that they know what they're talking about. I know for a fact that on a student level I know what I'm talking about.

Yet when I leave after an appointment for insert whatever troubling symptom, I'm worried they missed something. My anxiety can become beyond fact and logic.. which is essentially why anxiety is so hard to deal with.

As a Magical Thinking person, so has been much of mine. Why would touching my t-shirt 3 times this way, 4 times that way, whilst thinking of person X in my mind (and it all has to be perfect or rinse & repeat) stop that awful event (which I can't even place) happening to me at some point (in the next who knows how many years) so that I am safe?

The first battle can be seeing how irrational it is. Then it's training your subconscious to stop acting like the world is after you, or possibly things of an ethereal nature. :scared15:

[PASchoolSyndrome]

I'm a non HAer. My response would be "ouch", have a quick look, give it a rub and them maybe grumble about it here & there but regard it just something I've done. It's not worry, if anything it would be concern even when I did think of seeing a GP. A member on here who beat their panic once spoke of the difference between worry & concern and I agree with him. Concern is fine, worry is fine, excessive worry isn't, but also worrying when it should be concern is something to work on too.

But yes, the grass is always greener...but when you read what others are going through in places like this you can see that anxiety is anxiety. I wish my anxieties weren't here but wouldn't I be just as bad with a different theme anyway?

I'm sure your prof wouldn't think anything of it, or of you asking, because with you being close I bet he has some insight into why you are asking. He must see it a lot in his role.

I'm not trying to be direct with the questioning, but it's not always easy in written form, but you are a logical medical person so you will be looking more to remove the emotion from the Q&A I would imagine therefore seeing where some of what you are saying is actually going to reinforce the anxiety. But I'm a sufferer like anyone else and I do my share of struggling with change of my behaviours too, so I understand how seeing it & doing it can be very different things and sometimes you reach points in these cycles where you feel able to tackle things more recovery based.

But if you can look more towards adaptive behaviour and get behind it. Your subconscious will fight you all the way but eventually it will learn from your conscious efforts. Try to turn the negatives into positive/neutral through working on your reactions too.

---------- Post added at 04:51 ---------- Previous post was at 04:47 ----------



As a Magical Thinking person, so has been much of mine. Why would touching my t-shirt 3 times this way, 4 times that way, whilst thinking of person X in my mind (and it all has to be perfect or rinse & repeat) stop that awful event (which I can't even place) happening to me at some point (in the next who knows how many years) so that I am safe?

The first battle can be seeing how irrational it is. Then it's training your subconscious to stop acting like the world is after you, or possibly things of an ethereal nature. :scared15:

No I appreciate the direct questioning. I like to look things in an objective way and that's one of the ways to get there. Sometimes you need someone to ask you those questions because it's like "oh.. that is essentially the same thing as running to the ER for every ache and pain." It's reassurance seeking because I can't objectively look at my own self to figure out if it's an actual concern or not. I think that's why I posted on this forum so someone can also say some things along those lines. Before I went to see this professor I was joking with some colleagues "ah man I tore my rota cup" (this is what some big Bostonian men say all the time when they hurt they're shoulder). Yet the anxiety and the what ifs started to creep in and it's harder to be rational.

[WoodChucker]

I've had many aches and pains over the years in every part of my arms and they all have to do with anxiety. It turns out when i am anxious my muscles seem to cramp up, for example holding my mobile phone with 1 hand in an anxious state causes my underarm from that hand to cramp up. If I am in bed and using my laptop, the arm i am using the mousepad with cramps up. If i am really anxious I end up sleeping in a cramped up position, causing my shoulders to cramp up. It sucks, but it is nothing serious. :)