How I've survived multiple cancers at the age of 23

[Kierang18]

Hello everyone so it started around a year ago when I woke up with night sweats it was really bad, googled it (first time googling a symptom) boom I had leaukemia I battled that for 2 weeks or so and then I was fine. Next thing I noticed was my bowel movements are very inconsistent and occasional blood on tissue, Bowel cancer struck. Swollen lymph node late last year instantly diagnosed myself with lymphoma. That's just a teaser of what I've been going threw. All these thoughts and I've had several full blood test last year, stool sample, upper abdomen ultrasound, chest X-ray, ecgs. Urine sample. And nothing was ever found except for a slightly high bilirubin count which he said could indicate Gilbert's syndrome? But of course google points to pancreatic C which I'm sure would of shown up in the upper abdomen ultrasound?? I'm not sure. But didn't diagnose me with Gilbert's either. So that's concerning me and making me wonder is that's what's making me tired if I did have Gilbert's. It's taking over my life, as of this very moment my bowel movements are loose again and my eyes feel tired/dry with occasional itchinesss this occurs all day and I don't know why I feel like this it's been going on for a week now I'm booked in with my gp next Thursday. I sound pathetic don't I , I'm sorry for such a long thread.

[Catherine S]

The only thing that stands out from this is...you need to stop googling. Your loose bowels are a common symptom of fear. I very rarely use the word anxiety because most people here are terrified of what their bodies are doing, and the word anxiety doesn't really do it justice.

Your thread title and self mocking words in the thread itself, tell me that you know you're doing this to yourself, that you know you are not seriously ill, that it's your fear keeping the symptoms going. So why on earth would you want to Google and completely freak yourself out? You're living in fear and that can do alot of random things to you....I can make a detailed list if you want :D

ISB

[axolotl]

I think you know deep down that there's nothing there that couldn't be explained by anxiety. Anxiety is exhausting. And it makes your bowels do stupid things.

You spot your pattern at the beginning of your post. There is no reason why this is different. The symptoms and the supposed disease are arbitrary.

'I have symptom X, Google "tells" me it's disease X, I have tests, the doctor isn't concerned by the results, but what if they're wrong... I've eventually stopped worrying, I now have symptom Y, Google "tells" me...'. Etc, etc, etc.

And as much I don't think this kind of reassurance is useful, the chance of getting pancreatic cancer at 23 are astronomical. It shouldn't even be on your radar.

[PhoenyxAngel]

You sound a bit like me. I've convinced myself of having lung cancer, cervical cancer, breast cancer, and now I have convinced myself I have colorectal/ bowel cancer. I'm going to see a GI doctor next week about it.

[Kierang18]

I know I need to stop googling it's just so hard, I know it's definitely anxiety related with me as the title says I've gone over all the illnesses I've thought to have had in the past year and it's just ridiculous. And thanks for the reassurance axolotl. And Phoenix just GI will take good care of you.

[Catherine S]

It's not hard to stop googling symptoms. What you do is this...stop. That's all.

ISB ☺

[Fishmanpa]

It's not hard to stop googling symptoms. What you do is this...stop. That's all.

ISB ☺

ISB is right. You need to stop. If you don't have the self control, ask a friend or relative to put parental controls on your internet devices to limit your use and what websites you can visit and keep the password to themselves.

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

It will help you stop Googling, as others have said, and stopping behaviour that feels compulsive is hard.

There are different strategies though. Some do a cold turkey, some can't. Some use an ERP based method to structure a gradual reduction, which is less intense.

Then there are strategies to replace that compulsion with something so you learn to tolerate the anxiety, just like you do with the above two methods, but also apply a new activity that adds in a "holding time".

There's always the acceptance method, something like in Mindfulness. Learning to sit with your thoughts and not judge them. I personally think this takes longer than the others but it's a more powerful technique as it will help with all the other areas of your anxiety.

Once you eliminate compulsive activity, it does feel easier to handle obsessions. Then you work on the obsessions too.

[Catherine S]

I never would have thought that using a computer would be classed as part of OCD compulsions, and that you would need something like mindfullness to stop googling symptoms.

Washing your hands repeatedly, checking light switches, cleaning surfaces are only a fraction of symptoms that come under the OCD umbrella, and are all compulsions that need professional help...but googling symptoms is surely just a bad habit rather than a true compulsion? I stand corrected though if not. :shrug:

ISB ☺

[MyNameIsTerry]

It doesn't have to be, Cath. This is where HA (as GAD or a Somatoform Disorder) can be tricky to separate from OCD. HA is the one area in OCD that I find the hardest to separate because there often clear compulsive behaviours like Googling, reassurance seeking, etc and the thing with OCD is - they only diagnose it based on the cycles involved + it has to be impacted on your life. The reason for this is because probably everybody does compulsive things or has obsessions at some time in their lives. For instance, my dad always checks locks, the cooker nobs, etc yet he isn't anxious - it's just a habit about being safe.

But anything can compulsive, it's just got to be beyond the normal level in what you do and how it affects you.

It's so close in fact that the US diagnostic manual users an "OCD Spectrum Disorders" category to add OCD under the same umbrella as Somatoform Disorders (they have different names for SD's) because they view the behaviour so similar. And this goes further in things like hair pulling/skin picking. However, WHO have a different view on this and keep SD's away from OCD, and hair pulling/skin picking aren't even in the anxiety categories. It's not easy for us when the experts are still arguing but the NHS, like most countries, use WHO's book.

Yes, Googling symptoms could just be a bad habit. A safety behaviour even, like how we tend to carry water when we are out (I did that for ages). But in OCD it "should" be something that you feel you really need to do to relieve the anxiety or to mitigate against a risk. That's perhaps the difference, although it's subtle.

Mindfulness is the best thing for OCD in my experience. However, the guideline is CBT with a heavy bias towards the ERP that comes within in. Progressing beyond ERP into more of CBT is recommended in more complex cases that are not responding.

ERP will just mean doing exactly what you said - stop Googling. So, OCD or not, it's beneficial for all HAers. ERP just means breaking it down into more manageable steps if some can't just stop (I bet you know all this, this is more for the OP).

When I tried to stop my compulsions, there was just no chance. Short of tying me up and restricted all movement, it just wouldn't happen...and then I had all the mental ones anyway...so perhaps knocking me out would be a better recommendation? :biggrin: It felt impossible, although it isn't. It took me a long time working against them in different ways.

Something very important which I think goes for anyone with obsessive tendencies, OCD or not, is just cutting down on overall levels of anxiety. I've spoken to loads of OCDers who say that pushes up the intensity for them and found it in myself. I think I see this quite a lot on the HA board, I can see some threads now, where an event pushes up anxiety on out floods the HA. Mindfulness will help with this too but there's all the other anxiety stuff we can do to try to relax more and stay out of our overthinking.

I'm not implying it's OCD in the OP's case though, just that the behaviour to Google may be compulsive in itself.

[Leah88]

I never would have thought that using a computer would be classed as part of OCD compulsions, and that you would need something like mindfullness to stop googling symptoms.

Washing your hands repeatedly, checking light switches, cleaning surfaces are only a fraction of symptoms that come under the OCD umbrella, and are all compulsions that need professional help...but googling symptoms is surely just a bad habit rather than a true compulsion? I stand corrected though if not. :shrug:

ISB ☺

I agree with Terry, from what I have learned about my own OCD, googling is very much the compulsion component of the panic associated with the fear or obsession with a suspected disease. Health anxiety is fused with OCD and people who think they only have one of the two are incorrect. This isn't my opinion, there are mountains of credible data which show the neural pathways during an anxiety attack are the same ones that light up during an OCD attack.