Scared of mentall illness/ losing my mind (GERD, insomnia)

[Iwant2bhealthy]

Hallo all,

I seem to be developing a new health anxiety on top of my regular one (heart attack). A week ago I started to take meds to help me cope with panic attacks and anxiety. I am adjusting to them now, but in the process I have troubles sleeping. Regardless of what time I go to bed I wake up each night approximately 1,5 h after fallin asleep. My heart is racing and I feel sick, but thanks to the meds I do not have a full blown panic attack. I think my sleeping problems could partially be caused by acid reflux, as I have some stomach issues I am battling for months now.

What worries me even more though is that in thise waking moments and in the mornings also my dreams feel different. When I wake up now I seem to need a moment to realize that the dream is over, and since they aren't particularly pleasant dreams I wake up feeling nervous and tired. This leads me to the original subject of this post, as I start to wonder if the anti depressants combined with the anti anxiety drugs could make me "lose my mind" and become mentally ill? Or that sleep depravation along with my health anxiety will lead me to developing a serious mental condition. Does anybody else share this fear, or actually managed to conquer it?

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[WoodChucker]

First of all, I guess you are taking an SSRI? Most of the time they are full of nasty side effects in the first weeks and actually make anxiety worse before reducing it, but they won't cause mental illness. Lack of sleep is very bad for your psychological state though.
Try to get a good rest and give it 4 weeks to see how you feel. :)

[bin tenn]

I agree with WoodChucker. I've heard that about SSRI's. Once you get past the initial effects you will likely begin to feel so much better. As for reflux, are you taking a PPI (either rx or OTC)? Watching what you eat? Etc?

[Iwant2bhealthy]

Thank you both for replying.

For my stomach I was on PPI's for about a month, but my doctor decided that since it wasn't helping as much as expected I should just try diet and fiber supplements instead. There is a significant improvement although not all symptoms are gone. So for now I am just careful with my diet.

Possibly, my anxiety was triggered by the stomach issues, (or the other way around), so now with escitalopram (SSRI) and aloprazolam (benzodiazepine) we should be able to figure out if my stomach issues are stress related.

Thank you for the reassurance WoodChucker, I needed it. :-)

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[Iwant2bhealthy]

Hi all, I though it would be nice to provide an update after 5 weeks.

I feel much better, my anxiety has lessened and I feel I'm on the road to recovery. I sleep better, the dreams don't bother me anymore and anyway they don't feel as real as they did in the beginning. I started to lower my dosis of aloprazolam, and I'm down to 0,25 mg every other day. I expect that soon I will only take escitalopram.

I still haven't lost my mind (or at least I think so ;-)), and I see now that my fear of it happening was probably just my body adjusting to my medication.

I know that meds only are not the solution. This coming week I start a theraphy with a psychologists specialising in anxiety and panic disorder. I am hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time.

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks for the update. So few do this.

These meds are well known for their impact on REM sleep during start up, which adjusts again afterwards, so insomnia is very common, although it makes you feel much worse and you wonder about losing your mind at times, and dreams can be more lucid. I had similar problems when I started Citalopram years ago.

It's good to hear that you are starting to feel better. This is the start, recovery will happen now but it's often a road with some bumps in it and what matters is that you keep pushing forward.

[Iwant2bhealthy]

Hi all, for all those struggling now I would like to send a message of hope.

It's been 2 months since I started with the medication, and a couple of weeks since I'm seeing my theraphist on a weekly basis. I managed to quit aloprazolam alltogether and I'm currently only taking escitalopram.

Earlier this year I thought that my life is over. I thought that I will never travel again, never be happy again and that I will always stay this miserable, anxious shadow of my old self. All I waned to do was stay at home and make sure my mobile is near so I can call an ambulance in case if something happens. The panic attacks were fuelling up my anxiety and I saw no hope.

Right now, I am sitting in the garden at a friends house in the countryside in France and I feel peaceful and happy again. I would have never believed you if you'd tell me 2 months ago that this will be possible.
The progress is trully amazing!
I leave my house everyday again.
I travel with public transport again.
I excercise again.
I go to work again.
I travel abroad without fear.

Yes, I still have bad days from time to time but it's nothing compared to what it used to be. The theraphy is hard, and the start with the medication was rocky but it is all worth it. Im happy I sought help and I'm happy I trusted my doctor.


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[Fishmanpa]

Great post! :yesyes:

Positive thoughts

[snowghost57]

This is wonderful news. We really need more posts like this! I'm glad that the medication helped you. It helped me through a dark period but I couldn't cope with the side effects, they were worse then the anxiety. I have a great therapist that taught me how to challenge my thinking. In a way I'm glad I had a break down, it taught me that I can get through this and now I'm a happier person and realize that I can do this!

[Iwant2bhealthy]

Thanks guys, it' true that not many posts are positive here. It's also understandable since we all found this forum while looking for reassurance and help with our anxieties. :-)

Snowghost - sorry to hear the you experienced such bad side effect. I'm not yet at the point where I see my break down as something beneficial. I hope to get there someday. For now at least I no longer feel sorry for myself and ask "why me?".

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