I am at the end of my rope worrying about SIDS

[Onekittymcgee]

My daughter is six weeks old. My husband smokes cigars out on the porch and always changed his clothes and washed his hands and face before holding her. Still, I feel like I'm about to go crazy with anxiety. There have been times when the smell of smoke has come into the house from the porch and I am terrified she's been exposed....I feel like smoke is everywhere....I'm terrified to put her on the couch as it's right by the front door where the smell enters. I feel like there are smoke particles in the furniture and carpets. I feel like I am just waiting to find her dead in her crib since exposure to smoke doubles the SIDS risk. My husband says I'm being irrational and minimal smoke exposure doesn't matter. I can't bear this for another five months. Please help.

[Bonquiqui]

I know people unfortunately that smoke right next to babies and the babies are still fine. Not condoning that action as I hate smoking in general but if your husband is taking washing his hands and changing jackets then it's fine. Baby needs you to be calm as he can feel your heartbeat

[Emmaisworried]

Ok - the risk of SIDS due to your husband smoking is so low that it's probably non existent. He isn't smoking next to her, I assume he isn't sharing a bed with her?, he is taking precautions after he smokes too.

How are you feeling other than this?

[Onekittymcgee]

Generally good. I anticipated having postpartum anxiety, so I've been on Zoloft since my late pregnancy. It seems to help with everything but this. She was exposed to a small amount of second and thirdhand smoke today, which is why I'm panicking. It does no good to talk to other mothers because they are all anxious and protective like me. And no, we don't bed share. Sometimes he cuddles her in bed but that's it.

[Onekittymcgee]

Anyone?

[countrygirl]

My mother was a heavy smoker in her pregnancy and she smoked when with me as a baby and child. Dreadful I know but back then 1961 no one gave it a thought. I survived babyhood.

I think you have latched onto this because this is the one thing that no one has any control over at all which is why it is so scary. There are things that can increase the risk as you know but there can also be perfection and it still happens.

Please enjoy your baby now, they grow up so fast and you will not be able to remember this time when they are grown up as memory fades ( I know I have 36yr old son).

[Emmaisworried]

I think it's your anxiety that is making you worry rather than there being a real risk. There are other things that would increase the risk of sids - for example it's really important that baby is on its back and its feet at the bottom of the Basket/crib.

Other than not smoke at all, i think you are doing all that you can. Would it reduce your anxiety if he went right outside? If you can smell the smoke in the house then I don't think that's unreasonable.

And maybe mention this to your GP too as it might be that you need to review your meds or speak to someone about your fears - although i think all new mums
Worry about SIDS to be honest.

[kmm111]

I worried like crazy about SIDS until my son was a little over a year old. I am in the US and I know you can buy monitors that can be attached to the baby's diaper. If for some reason the baby had a pause in breathing, an alarm would go off. I didn't have one with my first, but I said I would definitely get one if I had a second child, and make sure I knew infant CPR. This may sound extreme, but I think this would be the only thing that would make me feel like I had the slightest bit of control in a situation I couldn't control (if that makes any sense).

[ElectricAlice]

Okay, realistically SIDS is not even actually that common anymore. It peaked about 10-20 years back because people weren't aware of the safety checks they put into force nowadays.

Put baby to sleep on his/her back.
Always use a new mattress that is firm.
Do not use blankets, bumpers, mobiles, toys, etc - it should be baby in an age appropriate sleeping bag, if necessary.
Room temperature should be ideally between 16 and 19 degrees centegrade.
If cosleeping ensure no alcohol intake or smoking has been done by either parent.
Breastfeeding also reduces the chances further.

So the thing about SIDS is that when most professionals talk about it happening and how it is common, they are taking into account accidents that caused suffocation. For example, a mother on drugs rolling onto her baby. That would often be categorised under 'SIDS' when it isn't even that happening. Or a baby getting overheated or a baby getting trapped under a duvet. These are NOT SIDS either. These are examples of suffocation.

SIDS itself is so rare that realistically if you abide to all the safety rules, there is such a tiny chance of it happening.

I have a 11 month old now and I can so empathise with you. I was crying most nights and couldn't sleep because I was so terrified my little one wouldn't make it through the night. It is so so scary.

I realised eventually that no matter what I do, if I follow all the safety guidelines, me staying awake would not really make a difference if something was to happen. I'm not saying to think the worse, but an important thing to realise is that some things are just not within our control. You're little one will be fine :)

On a second note, if you really can't relax, you can get a breathing monitor from amazon that beeps when no movement is detected and vibrates to wake baby up. I bought one but never used it because the thought of hearing the beep was too scary haha!

I don't know how old your little one is but I promise you it does get easier. And once they're around 10-11 months the chances of SIDS are practically none.

If you ever need to talk please message me because I totally understand the fear! It's a scary thing how much we love our babies.

Take care and get some sleep!

[cattia]

I was like this with my oldest. I don't live with any smokers but we have a few friends who smoke and they would come to the house with their clothes smelling of smoke from time to time. I worried myself half to death over it. Once we took her to a barbeque and I was literally in tears all night after that thinking that the smoke from the barbeque would harm her (and as far as I know, wood / charcoal smoke isn't even a high risk). We did have a movement monitor which helped a bit but I struggled a lot until she was one. With my younger two, I worried a lot less about this (although I worried about other things). I think for those of us with anxiety, this is a very common worry. YOu are taking all the right precautions, I'm sure your little one will be fine X