Hi I'm new & I have GAD and I'm struggling!

[floppy]

Hello,
This is my first post I hope it's in the right place.

I was diagnosed with G.A.D. About a year ago, at the time I was leaving an abusive relationship and was having a very stressful time at work (I was also getting assaulted there, by a service user. I work in social care).

I was given Mitrazapine which I stopped taking after a month because it make me so groggy and exhausted.

I have managed to cope through the past year okay, with usual underlying anxiety, however over the past few months I am finding it hard to cope with life and I'm not sure whether I should be reconsidering medication.

I have an intense phobia of insects, especially flying ones. I also have a phobia of mould. I have had two panic attacks in the past month relating to these issues. My windows need to be cleaned I don't know why they get mould on them! I was cleaning the window and I touched the mould and I thought my fingers were going to fall off! It was horrible!
I also found a bee in my toilet last week, so I had to stay up all night and search the house for more bees.

I have trouble falling asleep and rarely try going to bed before midnight because it stresses me out, I usually don't fall asleep til much later. I find it really hard to get out of bed.

I have serious money problems I won't go into.

My house (main reason I'm here) is very untidy! I am really struggling to find motivation to clean and tidy. I hate it being so untidy. Yesterday I drank 3 cans of energy juice and attempted to tackle the problem, only managed to wash some dishes before feeling tired and also being a scared of the germs.

My friend is getting married in Mexico next year and I want to go but I'm scared of the bugs, jelly fish, alligators and crime statistics. I check statistics for a lot of things. I hate missing out of things because of fear!

I do not have any(!) close friends, I live 4hours from family, I live alone. It's lonely sometimes. I do not have a boyfriend and I'm 26. I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to be with me.

I haven't cooked a meal in weeks, I eat peanut butter sandwiches and rubbish. I constantly exhausted, I also experience "waves of dread", palpitations, skin crawling sensations. I am constantly searching my house and body for signs of insect invasions. I sleep next to a can of raid.

On a more positive note, I have two pet dwarf hamsters called Thunder & lightning that I absolutely love.

Thanks to anyone who actually read all of this! If anyone has any advice that would be great. I want to turn my life around but it's so hard!

Ohh and my washing machine is broken it's been broken for WEEKS and I have no clean clothes!! But I can't get someone to fix it because my house is too messy!

I just constantly feel stressed and worried, I am always running late for work and I really can't be bothered any more when I get there! Then I dread going home :( I'm just having the worst time, I have no control over my life. The only thing I really enjoy is horse riding but I'm so anxious about that too.

[lior]

Welcome to NMP! You're in the right place.

You have the right attitude - you have the desire to make things better for yourself, so it will get better :) it might take time, but you'll get there.

There's lots of things going on here.

Do you know why you are phobic of insects and mould?

With the house stuff - I find it difficult to get myself into the cleaning/tidying mood too. Here are my tricks:
- when the mood to tidy comes, act on it immediately. Ride that mood like a wave.
- schedule in time to clean and make sure you keep it free.
- don't leave the house or even have a shower before cleaning, on that scheduled morning. When I shower afterwards, I feel like I'm washing away all the dust I've come into contact with while cleaning.
- break it down into sections. Have a plan. Commit only to doing doable things - a little at a time - so it doesn't feel overwhelming. Bit by bit, things start to shape up.
- take micro-breaks to have a drink of water.
- put on fun music that you can sing along to while cleaning.
- mentally congratulate yourself afterwards and even treat yourself somehow.

[Bee84]

Aww honey I wish I could come over to help!

I recently gave away beloved things from childhood. I sold them or threw them away. After I let them go I maintained the tidiness quite easily - and happily.

Sounds quirky but I know my inner child had taken over and was getting me to hold onto all those belongings and buy more and more. She has now been disciplined by me putting my foot down, being a grown up and realising I didn't need those things to complete myself. It gives self love, self respect and a clear boundary when your flat is kept clean & tidy.

Holding onto bills and statements is pointless. I bought a shredder for them and junk mail in case someone goes through my rubbish then steals my identity.

Now I feel its best to just have my documents online. If I need them for I.D/proof I go to the library. But its rare that I need to give proof anyway.

CBT has graded exposure therapy. I'm currently using it to go out of the house. I need to start using it for my own insect fear! Maybe hypnotherapy is a better option though.

Do you want to be married? Maybe you feel relationship is too much for you right now? It may be an added stressor you don't need.

[snowghost57]

First you need to address your anxiety, maybe try a different medication? I can't offer any support on that, as I don't like to take drugs. They did help me get back on track though along with therapy.

As for house cleaning start small. Make your bed right after you get up. Wash dishes, dust, clean the floors. Take your clothes to the laundry mat and wash and dry them. If not, then hand wash them in the sink.Have a plan and schedule so you are on time for work. You have to take steps about the bee and mold issue.

One thing I learned about anxiety on this forum is that anxiety likes to feed on our insecurities. We sit around and worry the anxiety is a parasite and will suck our confidence away from us.

It is up to you to fight it and get help. No one can do it for you. Get up and take care of your life, see a doctor, make a plan to get your life back on track. Take care and let us know how you are doing.

[Bill]

Do you have any family you can turn to who would be able to stay with you for a weekend or longer to help you sort things out at home?

If not, I would talk to your doctor and tell them how bad things are so they can refer you for cbt and possibly offer you meds to help ease your stresses in the meantime.

I do feel you need someone to go to you or for you to go to family for a break for them to at least give you a decent meal or two.

Also, it wouldn't bother me if your house was messy because it would be much more important to me that you get your washing machine fixed and you're well looked after to get you well again.