bunraku
17-04-17, 15:25
Hi
I’m Dave and I’m 47 and have suffered from depression and anxiety for 26 years now since having a breakdown when I was 21. I’ve been on Venlafaxine XL 75Mg for 19 years now. It’s obviously doing nothing for me as I keep having relapses, but I’m comfortable with it if that makes sense and am reluctant to change or up my dosage. I can be ok for a year or 2 and then something will happen to trigger an incident, such as bereavement, a scrape in the car thinking I’m a bad driver or even being unfriended on Facebook.
I’ve been ok for perhaps a 9 months, but a month ago my father in law died of cancer. So it was expected and I was ok for the at least a week after his death. However the funeral took nearly 2 weeks and I was ill with flu the day before. Also my wife was really upset at the funeral which of course upset me. So for the last couple of weeks I have been feeling anxious and out of myself a lot. I couldn’t sleep more than an hour or 2 for a few days, but am getting at least 7 hours now. I also couldn’t eat, but am eating more now. However from the moment I am up I am anxious. I worry about going to work and then when I am off work I worry what to do with myself. I have a constant ball in my stomach and sometimes a sweaty head and a foggy mind. I am struggling to think what to do on my days off work. I have films and programs I can watch and books I can read, but find it hard to motivate myself to watch or read. I find the days long and it’s clock watching. All I wait for every day just now is bed. Sleep is the only time I could get away from this. I used to nap in the evenings, but right now there is no napping and no caffeine after 3 pm. I am going to work as it occupies 8 hours of my day and gives routine. There is no point going to a doctor as all they recommend is an appointment with a Psychiatric Nurse in the future or doubling my tabs. I don’t want to change my tabs, because then i know everything I think is me and not a consequence or side effects of the meds.
The things I worry about.
1) I’m going to die
2) Someone I know is going to die
3) I am going to freak out
4) My wife will leave me.
5) I’m going to be like this forever.
The thoughts are so ridiculous and nonsense. I am quite healthy and don’t drink or smoke and I have never freaked out in all those years and occasions. I’ve also always came out of these before. However when you are in 1 of these episodes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Usually 1 day I am just back to normal and that’s what I am hoping for just now. I’ve done loads of googling and youtube and I know Anxiety is feeding this and if I accept the anxiety it lessens etc etc. I also feel bad feeling anxious and depressed, when my wife has just lost her father and her mother is probably going to follow soon. The bad thing is as well that apart from my Father in Law dying and my Mum in Law not being well that I have nothing to be anxious about. I have a house' job and my wife and kids and dogs.
So I just wanted to put thoughts on paper if that sounds normal. I don't know if I have GAD or Depression or am I Bipolar with these coming and goings.
Thanks for listening.
I’m Dave and I’m 47 and have suffered from depression and anxiety for 26 years now since having a breakdown when I was 21. I’ve been on Venlafaxine XL 75Mg for 19 years now. It’s obviously doing nothing for me as I keep having relapses, but I’m comfortable with it if that makes sense and am reluctant to change or up my dosage. I can be ok for a year or 2 and then something will happen to trigger an incident, such as bereavement, a scrape in the car thinking I’m a bad driver or even being unfriended on Facebook.
I’ve been ok for perhaps a 9 months, but a month ago my father in law died of cancer. So it was expected and I was ok for the at least a week after his death. However the funeral took nearly 2 weeks and I was ill with flu the day before. Also my wife was really upset at the funeral which of course upset me. So for the last couple of weeks I have been feeling anxious and out of myself a lot. I couldn’t sleep more than an hour or 2 for a few days, but am getting at least 7 hours now. I also couldn’t eat, but am eating more now. However from the moment I am up I am anxious. I worry about going to work and then when I am off work I worry what to do with myself. I have a constant ball in my stomach and sometimes a sweaty head and a foggy mind. I am struggling to think what to do on my days off work. I have films and programs I can watch and books I can read, but find it hard to motivate myself to watch or read. I find the days long and it’s clock watching. All I wait for every day just now is bed. Sleep is the only time I could get away from this. I used to nap in the evenings, but right now there is no napping and no caffeine after 3 pm. I am going to work as it occupies 8 hours of my day and gives routine. There is no point going to a doctor as all they recommend is an appointment with a Psychiatric Nurse in the future or doubling my tabs. I don’t want to change my tabs, because then i know everything I think is me and not a consequence or side effects of the meds.
The things I worry about.
1) I’m going to die
2) Someone I know is going to die
3) I am going to freak out
4) My wife will leave me.
5) I’m going to be like this forever.
The thoughts are so ridiculous and nonsense. I am quite healthy and don’t drink or smoke and I have never freaked out in all those years and occasions. I’ve also always came out of these before. However when you are in 1 of these episodes it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Usually 1 day I am just back to normal and that’s what I am hoping for just now. I’ve done loads of googling and youtube and I know Anxiety is feeding this and if I accept the anxiety it lessens etc etc. I also feel bad feeling anxious and depressed, when my wife has just lost her father and her mother is probably going to follow soon. The bad thing is as well that apart from my Father in Law dying and my Mum in Law not being well that I have nothing to be anxious about. I have a house' job and my wife and kids and dogs.
So I just wanted to put thoughts on paper if that sounds normal. I don't know if I have GAD or Depression or am I Bipolar with these coming and goings.
Thanks for listening.