View Full Version : I am so lost and empty inside
:weep: Well I am hoping I will be allowed to post this request cause I don't know what else to do. My house m8 is leaving me after 10 years so will not only be more lonely than I am now but also my savings will be gone in a few years as no rent will be coming in so a double whammy for me. So any one who is stuck in a rut and needs to move please contact me so I can fill this void in my life Cause it's going to make me low Thanks for reading :) Cheers
bottleblond
22-04-17, 22:40
Hiya Bboy
:hugs:
I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation but try not to let it get you down.
I used to live with my mum, my brother, my Fiancee and my baby son. Long story short, I was own my own with a baby, in a strange area with no friends and not a penny to my name. After then, I was severely agoraphobic
(my posts are all on here for reading).
I know it's very difficult when you end up in a situation you dread being in but it really can have a positive outcome.
It's not nice at first but you really do adjust to getting to know who YOU are without that normality that usually surrounds you. Even if it is just a house/flat mate you rely on for a few words each day. I don't think any person can be truly happy until you become comfortable in our own skin. It's taken me years to understand that and I really do like my own company and a lot of the time, prefer it. I've gone the full circle and you can do it too if you only believe that you can.
P.s...You have savings. many of us didn't even have a pound so you really are lucky.
You'll get there!. :hugs:
Lisa
xx
Hiya Bboy
:hugs:
I'm sorry you have found yourself in this situation but try not to let it get you down.
I used to live with my mum, my brother, my Fiancee and my baby son. Long story short, I was own my own with a baby, in a strange area with no friends and not a penny to my name. After then, I was severely agoraphobic
(my posts are all on here for reading).
I know it's very difficult when you end up in a situation you dread being in but it really can have a positive outcome.
It's not nice at first but you really do adjust to getting to know who YOU are without that normality that usually surrounds you. Even if it is just a house/flat mate you rely on for a few words each day. I don't think any person can be truly happy until you become comfortable in our own skin. It's taken me years to understand that and I really do like my own company and a lot of the time, prefer it. I've gone the full circle and you can do it too if you only believe that you can.
P.s...You have savings. many of us didn't even have a pound so you really are lucky.
You'll get there!. :hugs:
Lisa
xx
Hey BB - Very good advice from Lisa. This is a season you are going through. It won't last forever. You will make it through for sure. It's a big world and there are a lot of great people out there. Try to look forward to meeting some of them. Hang in there friend.
N.
Cutting down or quitting smoking could almost pay for the difference in expenses (as well as be great for your health!).... 5 packs a day at an average of 3.5 pounds a pack (17.5 pounds a day) x 30 days is 525 pounds a month! Also, quitting will make your place more desirable for a renter (health issue and odor). That, and getting it cleared/cleaned out (recalling your hoarding issue).
Positive thoughts
Hi BB, some great advice given already but what I would say is that what seems set in concrete now, can easily change and who knows, this could have a far better outcome than you can currently foresee.
I lived alone at one time, I had hit rock bottom but as a consequence of my crisis I started attending the local Mind group where I met Mrs F. I never could have forecast meeting the woman who has become my long term partner, and all born out of a very dark period of my life. So what seems very frightening for you now, may well turn out to be much more positive than you could dare hope. Good luck buddy.
MyNameIsTerry
23-04-17, 05:45
Dave,
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this. After having someone with you all those years there is bound to be a feeling of loss. I can remember feeling like that when people I got on with left my workplaces. It means a period of adjustment and it's not always as bad when it comes as how we anticipate it to be.
Just remember that you still have your girl to lick your face when you wake up...that's a staffie to anyone unaware :biggrin:
You've still got the Changes meetings and the socials. You may meet some people through there who you spend time with outside of the official meets, some did.
You've still got support on here as well.
We wil do what we can to help you through it mate.
Hi All didn't seem to get email notifications through for this so thought there was no replies but there is :) I just find it really hard even though it's not happened yet I have done my best but it obviously wasn't good enough for him. Yes got my dog who has been sleeping on my bed with me! Just feel Iam done with humans now (don't want to be though) But again if any one knows some one who wants a room pm me Guess I am meant to be alone and empty thank you all though. Just feel like packing bag and leaving my self right now, but where would I go?? :) Cheers
---------- Post added at 12:40 ---------- Previous post was at 11:35 ----------
Hey BB - Very good advice from Lisa. This is a season you are going through. It won't last forever. You will make it through for sure. It's a big world and there are a lot of great people out there. Try to look forward to meeting some of them. Hang in there friend.
N.Hi Noivous yes I agree it's good advice, but will say this I do have savings but it's not a great amount and Iam scared that this money will dwindle away to nothing then what it's really quite sad and unfair. Thank you :)
Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely in this way. Must be a worry. Do you know anyone who might want t share? or by asking about, or by advertising. Just a thought.x
Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely in this way. Must be a worry. Do you know anyone who might want t share? or by asking about, or by advertising. Just a thought.xThanks Magic :) No I don't really if I did I wouldn't be on here posting about it. Have asked my sister to ask around for me though. If any one knows of any charities (Mental Health ones) that could help then let me know as I need company to survive if that makes sense?! Thanks
GlassPinata
23-04-17, 19:34
:weep: Well I am hoping I will be allowed to post this request cause I don't know what else to do. My house m8 is leaving me after 10 years so will not only be more lonely than I am now but also my savings will be gone in a few years as no rent will be coming in so a double whammy for me. So any one who is stuck in a rut and needs to move please contact me so I can fill this void in my life Cause it's going to make me low Thanks for reading :) Cheers
We are here for you. We are all real people, dealing with our own issues, but.... you can talk to any of us. Or at least, you can talk to me, if you need to.
You will be okay. Best wishes.
---------- Post added at 18:34 ---------- Previous post was at 18:32 ----------
Cutting down or quitting smoking could almost pay for the difference in expenses (as well as be great for your health!).... 5 packs a day at an average of 3.5 pounds a pack (17.5 pounds a day) x 30 days is 525 pounds a month! Also, quitting will make your place more desirable for a renter (health issue and odor). That, and getting it cleared/cleaned out (recalling your hoarding issue).
Positive thoughts
When my son started smoking, I told him, "For that price, you might as well be smoking crack." Lol.
But it's true. The price of cigarettes is exorbitant, and anyone would be much healthier and happier without that nonsense in their lives.
MyNameIsTerry
24-04-17, 05:29
How about vaping? Isn't it cheaper?
Years ago smokers in the know would just buy their tobacco in the pubs. Lorry drivers used to bring it back. It was so much cheaper but in recent years even this shot up. That's how people saved money rather than buy packs.
There are some vapers in the know on the forum.
How do you feel about tackling the hoarding, Dave? That's going to be an obvious problem in getting a new lodger. Do you think you could tackle this with some professional support?
How about vaping? Isn't it cheaper?
Years ago smokers in the know would just buy their tobacco in the pubs. Lorry drivers used to bring it back. It was so much cheaper but in recent years even this shot up. That's how people saved money rather than buy packs.
There are some vapers in the know on the forum.
How do you feel about tackling the hoarding, Dave? That's going to be an obvious problem in getting a new lodger. Do you think you could tackle this with some professional support? Yeah remember that Terry when pubs were pubs like the Coach Makers Pub up Anley duck :) I do have a vape too Need to get back to using it though, Cant believe right now the mess Iam going to be in still trying to get a few meets very hard to do at the mo, Soon I will have a empty house :eek: How do I feel about tackling the hoarding problem? Do I think I could do it with 'professional' help YES I do, but I too know it wont be easy in some respects. The Tv company is only in the development stages of this documentary so It could be months away and it just shows that's there is very little support for hoarders out there. I have banged my head against a brick wall for years now. The fact this media company will also provide on going care and support after the doc has been filmed is really good :)
---------- Post added at 09:58 ---------- Previous post was at 09:51 ----------
Cutting down or quitting smoking could almost pay for the difference in expenses (as well as be great for your health!).... 5 packs a day at an average of 3.5 pounds a pack (17.5 pounds a day) x 30 days is 525 pounds a month! Also, quitting will make your place more desirable for a renter (health issue and odor). That, and getting it cleared/cleaned out (recalling your hoarding issue).
Positive thoughts Yes I know actually roll my own so works out cheaper in the long term Iam at a quite unhappy state at the mo, but would feel different if I could give up :) Thank you
---------- Post added at 10:03 ---------- Previous post was at 09:58 ----------
Hi BB, some great advice given already but what I would say is that what seems set in concrete now, can easily change and who knows, this could have a far better outcome than you can currently foresee.
I lived alone at one time, I had hit rock bottom but as a consequence of my crisis I started attending the local Mind group where I met Mrs F. I never could have forecast meeting the woman who has become my long term partner, and all born out of a very dark period of my life. So what seems very frightening for you now, may well turn out to be much more positive than you could dare hope. Good luck buddy. Hi FM well yes this is good and glad it has worked out for you, me iam a very unlucky person, so cant see it changing though! Thank you for your kind words though :) Cheers
---------- Post added at 10:17 ---------- Previous post was at 10:03 ----------
Dave,
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with this. After having someone with you all those years there is bound to be a feeling of loss. I can remember feeling like that when people I got on with left my workplaces. It means a period of adjustment and it's not always as bad when it comes as how we anticipate it to be.
Just remember that you still have your girl to lick your face when you wake up...that's a staffie to anyone unaware :biggrin:
You've still got the Changes meetings and the socials. You may meet some people through there who you spend time with outside of the official meets, some did.
You've still got support on here as well.
We wil do what we can to help you through it mate. Yes I do have that and most breeds of dogs are loving and lickey but staffs are the best at this with their snorts of contentment too :) Yes I still have my changes groups/socials Just seems a bit clinical at the mo and actually on the meal felt a bit left out, been lonely for a long time now gets tiring after a while Thanks Terry :)
---------- Post added at 10:24 ---------- Previous post was at 10:17 ----------
We are here for you. We are all real people, dealing with our own issues, but.... you can talk to any of us. Or at least, you can talk to me, if you need to.
You will be okay. Best wishes.
---------- Post added at 18:34 ---------- Previous post was at 18:32 ----------
When my son started smoking, I told him, "For that price, you might as well be smoking crack." Lol.
But it's true. The price of cigarettes is exorbitant, and anyone would be much healthier and happier without that nonsense in their lives. Yes I know that and it does help but not met any of you sadly and while they are nice words from everyone, they are words on a screen if you follow!! Just hope I will be ok the calm before the storm!! Thank you GlassPinata :)
I am done with people now had enough its tiring me out may even leave the forum yet :weep:
bottleblond
26-04-17, 00:09
Bboy, You have two issues that you could help yourself with here. You say you are worried about money and you have a hoarding issue too. Why not make a positive out of a negative and arrange either a car boot sale or a yard sale?. That way you can de-clutter and get yourself some cash too. This way, you could make your home more presentable to a possible new housemate.
I know it won't be easy but maybe by putting things into perspective, you can even tackle your hoarding issues without a tv crew (even better) You need money = you have the means to make some money?.
Just a thought.
Lisa
x[COLOR="blue"]
---------- Post added 26-04-17 at 00:09 ---------- Previous post was 25-04-17 at 23:04 ----------
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-17, 00:51
I am done with people now had enough its tiring me out may even leave the forum yet :weep:
Why? Has something happened?
Why leave something if you are finding support here? Isn't that isolating yourself more? So, it is negative thoughts creeping in?
I think the first thing to think about with the hoarding is how do you feel when you remove something? And how do you feel when you add something? It's not about the stuff so we need to know about the anxiety behind it.
Bboy, You have two issues that you could help yourself with here. You say you are worried about money and you have a hoarding issue too. Why not make a positive out of a negative and arrange either a car boot sale or a yard sale?. That way you can de-clutter and get yourself some cash too. This way, you could make your home more presentable to a possible new housemate.
I know it won't be easy but maybe by putting things into perspective, you can even tackle your hoarding issues without a tv crew (even better) You need money = you have the means to make some money?.
Just a thought.
Lisa
x
---------- Post added 26-04-17 at 00:09 ---------- Previous post was 25-04-17 at 23:04 ----------
P.s...Pa, I've just saw what you were talking about.
Please evacuate!!..NOWBb Most of my stuff I have hoarded over the years is probably not worth selling, And I have lots, what ever money I could make wouldn't be a permanent solution anyway! As for delcuttering my self I cant do it it's not a cop out either I am ill It's like me saying to a HA sufferer that's just a mole etc they are ill and don't believe what you say etc. another eg: some one who keeps checking the door handle to see if it's locked sure you can tell them that door is locked but they still have to check
So compulsive hoarding is no different Iam over whelmed by all this stuff but cant deal with in on my own. Hence I am going to take this opportunity to get help and after care I know you mean well, but don't think you know what it is like to be a compulsive hoarder if you do, then great. Thank you
---------- Post added at 10:34 ---------- Previous post was at 10:14 ----------
Why? Has something happened?
Why leave something if you are finding support here? Isn't that isolating yourself more? So, it is negative thoughts creeping in?
I think the first thing to think about with the hoarding is how do you feel when you remove something? And how do you feel when you add something? It's not about the stuff so we need to know about the anxiety behind it. Terry I am just fed up with the human race totally I mean I try on here to make friends, and to get meet ups and nothing, no wonder I feel there is something wrong with me. Iam really lonely it's crippling me can't say any more than that, sure I have my Changes Peer Support Meetings and 1 social event once a month So it's all good, no far from it. But Iam not normal I feel, if I was I would be blessed with friends! Well don't know as I have tried it and as for starting to hoard again well it's happened round the corner from where I live some ones house was being cleared out so naturally thought about my fire see if there is any wood and there was so got enough to see me through till the warmer weather at night kicks in still going quite cool at night for a fire
then low and behold out came a old radio about 2' 6" tall (table top one) came out of the house I had to have it so now I am back to square one.
There's no mistaking I have a condition that I am trying so hard to get help with and now there's a chance (I am advised you can do it with out a tv crew Bb I sincerely know you are trying to help)but admit I need practical help and support and there is nothing wrong with that, what is wrong is it's took years to get this help as there is little or know support for the thousands of folk out there suffering like I am.
Yes Iam getting support here,but it's not enough if you understand? Thanks for reading Cheers
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-17, 11:42
I think people do understand, Dave. Sometimes it can mean comparing am example of your own anxiety to realise it. Practical solutions are welcome but we have to remember how the anxiety is often standing in their way and adjust for that.
That's why I asked you to explain how it makes you feel. It helps us understand.
I've had many OCD themes, some more intense than others. My hoarding element was around throwing things away rather than collecting as well. I would collect bits of paper but struggled realising why I was doing it. Learning it's ok to throw things away was a slightly larger issue and I felt like it was the nature of once it being gone I couldn't get it back that was propping up my irrational thoughts.
This was a mild issue for me. It's also one of the reasons my therapist initially raised the issue of OCPD, which turned out to be a misjudgement.
But I also think you need to be objective about this too. Whether you have OCD about cleaning or hoarding or intrusive thoughts or anything else, the help is primarily determined by the disorder in terms of classification, not theme, and by severity.
Where are the TV programmes about the rest of OCD? Or anxiety in general? Hoarders & cleaners are the stereotypical OCD sufferers and the media have peddled this for years. It's the reason I didn't even realise I had developed OCD in my relapse until I researched it, which helped reduce my anxiety over losing my mind.
If you get additional help through the TV, great, but pursue the normal routes. I'll remain open minded about the one you are asking for help from but some of them are sensationalist and OCD Cleaners has been annoying OCD UK for years.
I believe when you say there is no help, this is a negative thinking issue. In reality, you've got access to the same as the other themes. I suspect these thoughts only serve to trap you further in the same way that someone comparing their lives to those happy smiley people in the street experiences. You can change this, I did, and my low moods of that time are gone because of it.
I would ask you to think about how you feel about leaving here in terms of this too. It's not ideal but it's better than nothing. Lisa will have seen more of this with her time add an Admin but from my experience of being here, people saying this mostly do so because they are upset. When they feel less emotional, they realise it was just the pain talking.
I know you want to make friends on here but it can be hit & miss with contact outside the forum. If this were a local website, I suspect it would be very different, but how many locals can you think of? We used to have "where are you from" threads and I can count the number of Stokies on my hands, until recently it would be one hand. Magic will know.
So, I believe that it's best to lower expectations about the meet ups so that it upsets you less because you half expect it. This likely goes against your nature, I suspect, because I've always had the impression you see the good in everyone. That's not a bad thing quite the opposite, but we do have to learn to harden ourselves a bit because negative thinking sees this and thinks "aha! I can use this to create more anxiety , depression".
I think people who wear their heart on their sleeve are quite prone to seeing it as worse then it is and start judging themselves.
With the hoarding, it's all going to be exposure for you. You need a plan and you need support moving that plan forward. As you see you can tolerate the tension it brings and walk away and throw away, it will get easier and your mindset will change.
I think people do understand, Dave. Sometimes it can mean comparing am example of your own anxiety to realise it. Practical solutions are welcome but we have to remember how the anxiety is often standing in their way and adjust for that.
That's why I asked you to explain how it makes you feel. It helps us understand.
I've had many OCD themes, some more intense than others. My hoarding element was around throwing things away rather than collecting as well. I would collect bits of paper but struggled realising why I was doing it. Learning it's ok to throw things away was a slightly larger issue and I felt like it was the nature of once it being gone I couldn't get it back that was propping up my irrational thoughts.
This was a mild issue for me. It's also one of the reasons my therapist initially raised the issue of OCPD, which turned out to be a misjudgement.
But I also think you need to be objective about this too. Whether you have OCD about cleaning or hoarding or intrusive thoughts or anything else, the help is primarily determined by the disorder in terms of classification, not theme, and by severity.
Where are the TV programmes about the rest of OCD? Or anxiety in general? Hoarders & cleaners are the stereotypical OCD sufferers and the media have peddled this for years. It's the reason I didn't even realise I had developed OCD in my relapse until I researched it, which helped reduce my anxiety over losing my mind.
If you get additional help through the TV, great, but pursue the normal routes. I'll remain open minded about the one you are asking for help from but some of them are sensationalist and OCD Cleaners has been annoying OCD UK for years.
I believe when you say there is no help, this is a negative thinking issue. In reality, you've got access to the same as the other themes. I suspect these thoughts only serve to trap you further in the same way that someone comparing their lives to those happy smiley people in the street experiences. You can change this, I did, and my low moods of that time are gone because of it.
I would ask you to think about how you feel about leaving here in terms of this too. It's not ideal but it's better than nothing. Lisa will have seen more of this with her time add an Admin but from my experience of being here, people saying this mostly do so because they are upset. When they feel less emotional, they realise it was just the pain talking.
I know you want to make friends on here but it can be hit & miss with contact outside the forum. If this were a local website, I suspect it would be very different, but how many locals can you think of? We used to have "where are you from" threads and I can count the number of Stokies on my hands, until recently it would be one hand. Magic will know.
So, I believe that it's best to lower expectations about the meet ups so that it upsets you less because you half expect it. This likely goes against your nature, I suspect, because I've always had the impression you see the good in everyone. That's not a bad thing quite the opposite, but we do have to learn to harden ourselves a bit because negative thinking sees this and thinks "aha! I can use this to create more anxiety , depression".
I think people who wear their heart on their sleeve are quite prone to seeing it as worse then it is and start judging themselves.
With the hoarding, it's all going to be exposure for you. You need a plan and you need support moving that plan forward. As you see you can tolerate the tension it brings and walk away and throw away, it will get easier and your mindset will change. Terry that's interesting about bit of paper some of it is exactly that even downlto un used sheets of loo paper how strange is that??? Bottle tops anything! And now it's out of control for sure. Hmm not sure I agree with the statement that help is out there for this condition (well practical help I have tried left right and centre only to be knocked back by stupid red tape, lack of funding, wrong post code area. so I have tried. but now there's a opportunity which I will gladly accept:) Other area's of OCD not being on Tv all I can think of it's because the obsessive cleaning/hoarding can be clearly seen by all of us how it affects those lives who are unfortunate to have this terrible condition..
So for now the emptiness will continue to haunt me hopefully not for too long eh. Sure I have hardened my self up a bit but don't want it to go the other way where I become too hard which would be very bad indeed :) Cheers
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-17, 12:44
You don't have to become too hard to prevent it upsetting you, it's just finding that happy balance that doesn't compromise your beliefs.
I have no friends in real life. I lost them all through my anxiety. For a time it did affect me until I came to terms with it. I learned to accept it was the circumstances. It's no different to adjusting to the changes of any illness. You either keep upsetting yourself or learn to accept & let it go.
I have a few friends on here now. Other than that and family, the most human contact I have is with people in shops. That's just my life right now. But would it be so different if I had a disability that kept me in the house?
Is better to have a few good friends than an army of people who are more like work colleagues. I've always got on well in both but those few good friends were the ones that really mattered to me.
We will have to agree to disagree on the help issue. I don't see hoarders being marginalised by other themes of OCD, we all see the same GP's and go into the IAPT list. If we make it to a CMHT, they care about severity and harm risk.
No themes in OCD are a diagnosis in their own right. It's about whether you lean towards obsessive thoughts, compulsions or are mixed, according to WHO. Severity matters in treatment though.
Yep, I would collect decades of receipts, bits of paper with notes on or phone numbers, things written by people I knew in the past that I couldn't discard as it felt like I was deleting them in the process, etc. I did the same with electronic things too; emails from past people, things look into when they really didn't matter, possible purchases, receipts again, etc. I had difficulty letting go of them.
I got to a point in my anxiety where I got sick of the stuff, was in a better place and just thought I've had enough of this. I got the dusty shredder out and went berserk. It had already stopped collecting the bits of paper through more direct exposure.
What I had was mild, it was made bigger because a had lots of OCD themes. It took much more effort with more impacting themes and I'm still working on some years on.
Sorry you're feeling this way bigboy. I'm nto good at giving advice but you are always there for me when I post one of my 'moans' so wanted you to know I've read your post.
I totally get when you mention not being 'normal' as that is how I feel too. No matter how many times people tell me it will just be me thinking that way, I can't shake the feeling. So I get what you mean there. One thing I truly believe though, is that there is definitely somebody out there just like you, me or anybody else who feels like we can't fit in with most people.
As for the meet ups I can see how disheartening that is for you. It's hard because a lot of people who come here will not be able to meet up with others (I know I couldn't) and even harder because the ones that can probably live miles away. Does your changes meetings have new people coming all the time? If so, eventually that one special person may enter your life. You never know.
As for the hoarding I do believe you'll need professional help. It's like me with my BDD, people will say just tie your hair up to go to the bins or something but if it was that easy, I'd be doing it and wouldn't have the issue. My ex partner of 11 years never seen me with my hair tied back so I'm not going to be able to just do it like that. It's so complex. Do you have any idea why the hoarding started? I have relative who is a 'mild' hoarder. They believe it's because when growing up they had nothing so now they have things they don't want to part with them.
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-17, 13:11
My parents have always found it important to keep receipts, KeeKee. Before the anxiety, it was normal & practical to me or I couldn't be bothered to clear out with being busy enjoying life. Then the anxiety came and it twisted it into "you must".
Like they say about OCD, many people have the traits without it becoming OCD. Just like the HAers being driven by obsessive compulsive cycles to check their bodies when a non sufferer does it occasionally without thinking into it. My dad checks locks, gas cooker knows, plugs, etc but doesn't get anxious from it.
I know it wasn't my parents, they were just practical, it was my later skewed anxious thinking taking it and twisting it into something far more important than it was.
I'm not saying your friend isn't diagnosable, far from it, just that I understand what you mean as the possible root cause when I look at myself.
I hoard money too. This is something I really can trace back. I put myself in debt in my early twenties on my credit cards. I spent 6 months working tons of overtime and not going out to pay them off. That left a mark. From there on, I saved. But when my anxiety started, I would have the thought "just a little more to be comfortable", "just get over X milestone", etc. Then I would just shift the goalposts again.
I'm lucky in that I hoarded money, it means I have a nest egg to help me through now. It was all money I earned through hard work but I did some ridiculous overtime hours to get there. It's not something I like talking about much because I'm aware so many are scraping by under extreme stress from it, I didn't talk about it hardly at walk-in groups either. It's slowly getting eroded with not working and I don't claim whilst I have this to prop me up (I live with my parents so I can keep bills down, much of those savings were housing deposit, pension pot, etc).
Catherine S
26-04-17, 13:14
Dave, looking online this morning I read that you can apply to the NHS to see if you qualify for their Direct Payments scheme, and if you qualify they will pay somebody to help with the clearance of the hoard. Apparently your GP can also connect you with any support projects or charitable orginisations who help with hoarding in your area. I apologise if you've already looked into this and it hasn't worked.
Obviously your hoarding is an illness and should be treated as such. I think your GP should be doing more to help...you need counselling to break the mental cycle, as well as practical help and your doctor should be doing more than he seems to be doing to help you. Apparently there are certain meds that can curb the desire to hoard, but you also need to be given the right 'tools' to help overcome this condition and this can only be achieved by somene trained specifically in this field.
You aren't in a position financially to pay for this yourself, nor to pay for help with clearing the hoard, so if your own GP isn't listening to you i'd suggest finding one who will listen, because at the moment you're being very let down, and your health depends on this getting sorted out. You're in a downward spiral because of all the things that have happened recently...it's enough to knock anybody for six. You're exhausted mentally and your spirit has a big dent in it. But you're a good person Dave, and you care about people and you've got alot to give. Don't let the buggers get you down. Fight through it...and get the bloody doctor to do something useful to help you.
Lotsv luv
Cath x x
MyNameIsTerry
26-04-17, 13:15
By the way, KeeKee, I hope you are ok? Not seen you on since the trouble you had to sort out so I hope it's not been too upsetting for you. :hugs::flowers:
bottleblond
26-04-17, 14:00
[QUOTE=Bigboyuk;1672154]Bb Most of my stuff I have hoarded over the years is probably not worth selling, And I have lots, what ever money I could make wouldn't be a permanent solution anyway! As for delcuttering my self I cant do it it's not a cop out either I am ill It's like me saying to a HA sufferer that's just a mole etc they are ill and don't believe what you say etc. another eg: some one who keeps checking the door handle to see if it's locked sure you can tell them that door is locked but they still have to check
So compulsive hoarding is no different Iam over whelmed by all this stuff but cant deal with in on my own. Hence I am going to take this opportunity to get help and after care I know you mean well, but don't think you know what it is like to be a compulsive hoarder if you do, then great. Thank you[COLOR=blue]
In no way was I demeaning your condition, I was merely trying to offer an alternative way of beginning to tackle your issue.
" but don't think you know what it is like to be a compulsive hoarder if you do, then great."
You're right, I don't know what it's like but I do understand it to the best of my ability, however, I think I'll refrain from trying to help in future as I just seem to get sarcastic replies.
All the best
You don't have to become too hard to prevent it upsetting you, it's just finding that happy balance that doesn't compromise your beliefs.
I have no friends in real life. I lost them all through my anxiety. For a time it did affect me until I came to terms with it. I learned to accept it was the circumstances. It's no different to adjusting to the changes of any illness. You either keep upsetting yourself or learn to accept & let it go.
I have a few friends on here now. Other than that and family, the most human contact I have is with people in shops. That's just my life right now. But would it be so different if I had a disability that kept me in the house?
Is better to have a few good friends than an army of people who are more like work colleagues. I've always got on well in both but those few good friends were the ones that really mattered to me.
We will have to agree to disagree on the help issue. I don't see hoarders being marginalised by other themes of OCD, we all see the same GP's and go into the IAPT list. If we make it to a CMHT, they care about severity and harm risk.
No themes in OCD are a diagnosis in their own right. It's about whether you lean towards obsessive thoughts, compulsions or are mixed, according to WHO. Severity matters in treatment though.
Yep, I would collect decades of receipts, bits of paper with notes on or phone numbers, things written by people I knew in the past that I couldn't discard as it felt like I was deleting them in the process, etc. I did the same with electronic things too; emails from past people, things look into when they really didn't matter, possible purchases, receipts again, etc. I had difficulty letting go of them.
I got to a point in my anxiety where I got sick of the stuff, was in a better place and just thought I've had enough of this. I got the dusty shredder out and went berserk. It had already stopped collecting the bits of paper through more direct exposure.
What I had was mild, it was made bigger because a had lots of OCD themes. It took much more effort with more impacting themes and I'm still working on some years on. Sure work coleauges are just that but have know them to be come friends but its very rare indeed. I am trying to better myself butt each knock back so soul destroying, there is only so much a human being can take, before something snaps.
Yes think it would be worse if you had a disability that kept you house bound for sure which would only make matters worse I know it would for me.
So fine but are you saying I could actually declutter on my own? Some people can,some cant and I don't believe iam a mild case like you tbh quite the opposite and really I should be commended for seeking help in this and not going it alone :) Emails too I cant let them go either but that is really no problem as it's not consuming my house and my life as such if you follow.
And to top it all even letters which a lot are unopened like one today I decided to open it and ahh it's only a appointment the wellbeing centre for march tried to call them on the phone twice today to rebook it and no one is picking up the phone, I find this a dreadful state of afairs but guess it is the NHS after all so looks like I have lost out on this now :eek: Cheers
By the way, KeeKee, I hope you are ok? Not seen you on since the trouble you had to sort out so I hope it's not been too upsetting for you. :hugs::flowers:
:-) thanks Terry. I've been on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster this past fortnight so haven't really been on here much. Haven't sorted the bailiffs yet as CAB think I should await the outcome of my ESA tribunal. That's next week though so not long to go. Thank you
[QUOTE=Bigboyuk;1672154]Bb Most of my stuff I have hoarded over the years is probably not worth selling, And I have lots, what ever money I could make wouldn't be a permanent solution anyway! As for delcuttering my self I cant do it it's not a cop out either I am ill It's like me saying to a HA sufferer that's just a mole etc they are ill and don't believe what you say etc. another eg: some one who keeps checking the door handle to see if it's locked sure you can tell them that door is locked but they still have to check
So compulsive hoarding is no different Iam over whelmed by all this stuff but cant deal with in on my own. Hence I am going to take this opportunity to get help and after care I know you mean well, but don't think you know what it is like to be a compulsive hoarder if you do, then great. Thank you[COLOR=blue]
In no way was I demeaning your condition, I was merely trying to offer an alternative way of beginning to tackle your issue.
" but don't think you know what it is like to be a compulsive hoarder if you do, then great."
You're right, I don't know what it's like but I do understand it to the best of my ability, however, I think I'll refrain from trying to help in future as I just seem to get sarcastic replies.
All the bestBb tbh I have read my post again and if it was being sarcastic (which I cant see) then I am sorry and again I know you were trying to help :)_Hey I never said you demeaning my condition if I thought you were I would have said some thing. The fact is I am trying to get help and if it means I get through a tv show then I have no problem atall with it!
My own family wont help either so not good atall. Thanks
---------- Post added at 14:51 ---------- Previous post was at 14:34 ----------
Sorry you're feeling this way bigboy. I'm nto good at giving advice but you are always there for me when I post one of my 'moans' so wanted you to know I've read your post.
I totally get when you mention not being 'normal' as that is how I feel too. No matter how many times people tell me it will just be me thinking that way, I can't shake the feeling. So I get what you mean there. One thing I truly believe though, is that there is definitely somebody out there just like you, me or anybody else who feels like we can't fit in with most people.
As for the meet ups I can see how disheartening that is for you. It's hard because a lot of people who come here will not be able to meet up with others (I know I couldn't) and even harder because the ones that can probably live miles away. Does your changes meetings have new people coming all the time? If so, eventually that one special person may enter your life. You never know.
As for the hoarding I do believe you'll need professional help. It's like me with my BDD, people will say just tie your hair up to go to the bins or something but if it was that easy, I'd be doing it and wouldn't have the issue. My ex partner of 11 years never seen me with my hair tied back so I'm not going to be able to just do it like that. It's so complex. Do you have any idea why the hoarding started? I have relative who is a 'mild' hoarder. They believe it's because when growing up they had nothing so now they have things they don't want to part with them. Keekee thanks for your reply It's very disheartening especially some one says yes I would like to meet you all enthusiastic about lets set a day and time you get back to them and then no further replies I mean do they get a kick out if they do they are so sad in my opinion are they trolling or what.? Beats me how some people's minds work ahh.
Sure but I believe distances can be overcome if one makes a effort :)
As for hoarding it's a extremely complex hence why I am going to take all the help I can get and that's not being selfish atall think once I am decluttered I will be a lot happier for sure:DI think in my case my granddad on my mum,s
side of the family hoarded brown paper bags not a few or even a dozen a cupboard full he would get quite angry if any attempts were made to throw some out he just couldn't part with them so maybe it's a genetic condition as well don't really know, nor do I care at this stage, so long as I get help then I am on my way :) Hey hope the DWP comes up good and you get your fines quashed or sorted out for you thanks for your reply again KeeKee ATB
---------- Post added at 14:59 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------
Dave, looking online this morning I read that you can apply to the NHS to see if you qualify for their Direct Payments scheme, and if you qualify they will pay somebody to help with the clearance of the hoard. Apparently your GP can also connect you with any support projects or charitable orginisations who help with hoarding in your area. I apologise if you've already looked into this and it hasn't worked.
Obviously your hoarding is an illness and should be treated as such. I think your GP should be doing more to help...you need counselling to break the mental cycle, as well as practical help and your doctor should be doing more than he seems to be doing to help you. Apparently there are certain meds that can curb the desire to hoard, but you also need to be given the right 'tools' to help overcome this condition and this can only be achieved by somene trained specifically in this field.
You aren't in a position financially to pay for this yourself, nor to pay for help with clearing the hoard, so if your own GP isn't listening to you i'd suggest finding one who will listen, because at the moment you're being very let down, and your health depends on this getting sorted out. You're in a downward spiral because of all the things that have happened recently...it's enough to knock anybody for six. You're exhausted mentally and your spirit has a big dent in it. But you're a good person Dave, and you care about people and you've got alot to give. Don't let the buggers get you down. Fight through it...and get the bloody doctor to do something useful to help you.
Lotsv luv
Cath x x Cath my dr is useless said he couldn't help me on this matter so will try another dr but I am going to chase up this Blinkmedia company and see where they are at as they were in the development stages and in discussion with various third parties like specialsits etc. tell me about I am very let down by it all and my spirit is low and Iam tired of it all, well thank you for your kind words Cath appreciate it so thank you Cheers
MyNameIsTerry
27-04-17, 05:48
Sure work coleauges are just that but have know them to be come friends but its very rare indeed. I am trying to better myself butt each knock back so soul destroying, there is only so much a human being can take, before something snaps.
Yes think it would be worse if you had a disability that kept you house bound for sure which would only make matters worse I know it would for me.
So fine but are you saying I could actually declutter on my own? Some people can,some cant and I don't believe iam a mild case like you tbh quite the opposite and really I should be commended for seeking help in this and not going it alone :) Emails too I cant let them go either but that is really no problem as it's not consuming my house and my life as such if you follow.
And to top it all even letters which a lot are unopened like one today I decided to open it and ahh it's only a appointment the wellbeing centre for march tried to call them on the phone twice today to rebook it and no one is picking up the phone, I find this a dreadful state of afairs but guess it is the NHS after all so looks like I have lost out on this now :eek: Cheers
Just explain why it was a problem and they should hopefully make some allowances. You may be lower down the queue again but hopefully the wait won't be long. If you don't turn up for therapy, they can be quite strict about pasin you back to a GP so they may need a new referral, if there was one?
One of the changes coordinators explained how she would hide her letters under the sofa out of fear of what they were. It caused her more stress then in red letters. I've done my share of this avoidance one too.
Whether you can declutter on your own is really up to you. With some support, you might be able to, sometimes having somewhere there initially gets you started just as it helps a housebound agoraphobic get out of the door. I'm not saying you don't need professional support, just to look for self help options too because it's always going to be you doing all the hard work here. Even if you call in a company to bin everything & deep clean, what does that solve? It may be quite an anxious thing to do, it's a full on exposure exercise, and you just start again as the thoughts & core beliefs have not been addressed. It will perhaps make you feel better looking around, like you aren't so much in a rut with it as things look too overwhelming when they've built up so much, but I'm wary of the level of anxiety a big clear out may cause. That's something only you can decide. If you can't tolerate that, a slower declutter with ERP might be a way but you will need to keep on track of a plan, which is where support can be useful.
There is a local declutter for hoarding company. It's just going to be some people & a skip though. People who do that type of work do things like environmental health visits for councils. They may have some awareness but they won't be a substitute fo a therapist, counsellor or nurse. This could be where a council payment comes in to help though.
I know you were assessing those companies.
The question is going to be - how would you feel having them come in and just do it? Is that too simplistic?
Seeking help can be hard, we understand that, and everyone on here will be supportive of you seeking it out.
Just explain why it was a problem and they should hopefully make some allowances. You may be lower down the queue again but hopefully the wait won't be long. If you don't turn up for therapy, they can be quite strict about pasin you back to a GP so they may need a new referral, if there was one?
One of the changes coordinators explained how she would hide her letters under the sofa out of fear of what they were. It caused her more stress then in red letters. I've done my share of this avoidance one too.
Whether you can declutter on your own is really up to you. With some support, you might be able to, sometimes having somewhere there initially gets you started just as it helps a housebound agoraphobic get out of the door. I'm not saying you don't need professional support, just to look for self help options too because it's always going to be you doing all the hard work here. Even if you call in a company to bin everything & deep clean, what does that solve? It may be quite an anxious thing to do, it's a full on exposure exercise, and you just start again as the thoughts & core beliefs have not been addressed. It will perhaps make you feel better looking around, like you aren't so much in a rut with it as things look too overwhelming when they've built up so much, but I'm wary of the level of anxiety a big clear out may cause. That's something only you can decide. If you can't tolerate that, a slower declutter with ERP might be a way but you will need to keep on track of a plan, which is where support can be useful.
There is a local declutter for hoarding company. It's just going to be some people & a skip though. People who do that type of work do things like environmental health visits for councils. They may have some awareness but they won't be a substitute fo a therapist, counsellor or nurse. This could be where a council payment comes in to help though.
I know you were assessing those companies.
The question is going to be - how would you feel having them come in and just do it? Is that too simplistic?
Seeking help can be hard, we understand that, and everyone on here will be supportive of you seeking it out. I Will do providing I can get through to the office?
So I am not alone on this letter thing I always think the worst so for me it's best to avoid opening mail.
As for the decluttering that's what I need 'The physical support' don't think it would work via one of those council environmental health teams as there wouldn't be the on going caring physcological support that Compulsive hoarders need I was assessing local chairites and not the council.
Don't think I could just let any one come in and skip the lot it doesn't work like that,not in compulsive hoarding cases. Thanks for the support Terry :) Cheers
It's very disheartening especially some one says yes I would like to meet you all enthusiastic about lets set a day and time you get back to them and then no further replies I mean do they get a kick out if they do they are so sad in my opinion are they trolling or what.? Beats me how some people's minds work ahh.
BBoy,
I want to address the "meet up" aspect of what's bothering you. We have discussed this privately as well but it's worth mentioning again.
This is an anxiety/mental illness forum/website. Yes, there is a "meet up" section and I'm sure now and again through the years some have actually done so. That being said, the "real life" chances of that actually happening are slim to none IMO and your experiences with it affirm my point.
I struggle with the effects of my wife's illness. For all intents and purposes she is brain damaged by it. I found an acquired brain injury group locally that's for caregivers and sufferers alike. I've gone a couple of times and now I have some support and understanding.
Why not look into a mental health support group near you and attend? Make a few acquaintances and maybe one or more will develop into friendships.
Positive thoughts
[QUOTE=Fishmanpa;1672619]BBoy,
I want to address the "meet up" aspect of what's bothering you. We have discussed this privately as well but it's worth mentioning again.
This is an anxiety/mental illness forum/website. Yes, there is a "meet up" section and I'm sure now and again through the years some have actually done so. That being said, the "real life" chances of that actually happening are slim to none IMO and your experiences with it affirm my point.
I struggle with the effects of my wife's illness. For all intents and purposes she is brain damaged by it. I found an acquired brain injury group locally that's for caregivers and sufferers alike. I've gone a couple of times and now I have some support and understanding.
Why not look into a mental health support group near you and attend? Make a few acquaintances and maybe one or more will develop into friendships.
Positive thoughts[/QUOTE Sure Fishmanpa I think years ago these meets on here were more successful than they are now which is very sad, surely those who suffer from depression would want to meet up. I have to keep plodding on you know, keep saying I am going to give up though. Its like I have been trying to rebook my appointment so I can get a assessment for my current problems another 3 times today and all I get is a damn answering machine, what good is that they don't call back so annoying I guess though I am not the only one to go through this! Thanks for your reply :)
MyNameIsTerry
28-04-17, 01:05
I Will do providing I can get through to the office?
So I am not alone on this letter thing I always think the worst so for me it's best to avoid opening mail.
As for the decluttering that's what I need 'The physical support' don't think it would work via one of those council environmental health teams as there wouldn't be the on going caring physcological support that Compulsive hoarders need I was assessing local chairites and not the council.
Don't think I could just let any one come in and skip the lot it doesn't work like that,not in compulsive hoarding cases. Thanks for the support Terry :) Cheers
It's annoying, it will be for everyone ringing them. It's often hard to get through to my GP surgery. Try not to let it wind you up though, it's not worth it.
Right ok, so decluttering is still an option but it's something that professiona support ould help you towards? This is what I expected, house clearance isn't geared to this (unless you believe the OCD TV programmes) as it solves nothing in the sufferer's mind and puts them through large exposure exercise i.e. flooding. Support could take you more down the ERP route where they work with your thought & urges to learn to resist them as well as staggering any removal. Then when they feel you are ready, you could take on larger cleans.
These companies are just that, in it for money. What's best for you is not their concern, they will just want to get on with the job. If they could provide staggered clearances, it might be more sympathetic to the sufferer?
I think the OCD TV programmes peddle a lot of that. Companies see a niche to make money.
Stick with Changes, Dave. That's geared more to recovery than NMP. The social aspects are there and guided, there are the wellness courses. Their rules also mean they stop all the reassurance seeking behaviours that dominate largely non policed forums like this. And they have training and link up's to people like MIND & Rethink.
It's annoying, it will be for everyone ringing them. It's often hard to get through to my GP surgery. Try not to let it wind you up though, it's not worth it.
Right ok, so decluttering is still an option but it's something that professiona support ould help you towards? This is what I expected, house clearance isn't geared to this (unless you believe the OCD TV programmes) as it solves nothing in the sufferer's mind and puts them through large exposure exercise i.e. flooding. Support could take you more down the ERP route where they work with your thought & urges to learn to resist them as well as staggering any removal. Then when they feel you are ready, you could take on larger cleans.
These companies are just that, in it for money. What's best for you is not their concern, they will just want to get on with the job. If they could provide staggered clearances, it might be more sympathetic to the sufferer?
I think the OCD TV programmes peddle a lot of that. Companies see a niche to make money.
Stick with Changes, Dave. That's geared more to recovery than NMP. The social aspects are there and guided, there are the wellness courses. Their rules also mean they stop all the reassurance seeking behaviours that dominate largely non policed forums like this. And they have training and link up's to people like MIND & Rethink. Terry I will probably end up going down there and speak to some one I think it's local enough to me any way :)
Yes it's my own fault for not opening my mail though could have started my treatment by now maybe :)
Yes I do hear you about these programmes, but Iam assured they use a very sympathetic approach and don't just leave you to fend for your self but Iam wondering why they haven't got back to me regarding the process now?
Did call their office yesterday but again a answer machine left my details .
You know if it was only a bit to clear out think I could have done it now but there is deffinately too much to go through so Iam not ashamed off asking for help with it,why should I be:) Cant believe the mess Iam in seems like the tunnel has got longer and the light is so far away right now Ahh Cheers
Every year slips by and I keep thinking it will get better, but it never does,cant see it being anything different life has passed me by sadly Still think the meet up section should be taken off it's offered me nothing and think it doesn't help many members who are like my self genuinely looking for meets just how I feel right now.... Cheers
MyNameIsTerry
30-04-17, 16:13
Dave,
I suspect a lot would agree with you about the Comments board. It must feel like a rejection all the time? Like not getting a hello on the Introduction board or when a thread doesn't get a single reply.
It's important to remember though that you get plenty of us talking to you across many threads. People have warmed to you so quickly because they like you.
Dave,
I suspect a lot would agree with you about the Comments board. It must feel like a rejection all the time? Like not getting a hello on the Introduction board or when a thread doesn't get a single reply.
It's important to remember though that you get plenty of us talking to you across many threads. People have warmed to you so quickly because they like you. Well Thanks Terry and that means a lot to me It does feel like rejection every time you can only keep picking your self for so long gets tiring too :) But will take what you say on board :) Cheers
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