Autumnx1003
22-04-17, 21:52
It's been awhile since I posted here in NMP. I have a lifelong history with GAD and its ugly cousins, depression and Pure-O. I won't go into my history Bc I feel like that would take days, and probably boring for anyone to read. But I just wanted to post for some supportive feedback to the way I presently feel.
Over the last year or two I've struggled with a lot of existential anxiety. I used to stress about more "normal" things, like losing a loved one, failing, or health issues. But I've graduated to feeling anxious about all the mysteries of the universe, those things I truly cannot solve and just have to accept. I guess that's the hardest thing for those Of with GAD: accepting that we don't have control over everything and are surrounded by unknowns. It's funny, but my new existential anxiety makes me think of the movie "Men In Black", when Tommy Lee Jones says, "The stars....I never just look at them anymore". It's like I can't just accept life as what I see in front of me now; I'm always attaching some deeper meaning (usually negative) to it. So frustrating!
Anyway, last night I was feeling anxious about the concept of what happens after we die, so I decided to share this with my husband. He is the strongest, least anxious person on the planet, so he really doesn't understand why I think so deeply and overanalyze everything. I told him that I know I overthink these things and I'm afraid they're gonna send me into a state of psychosis (because that's my other big fear---"going crazy"). Instead of comforting me with a "Oh hush! You're fine! What you're thinking about is something a lot of people think about!", he took the route of "Wow! You're really thinking some strange things. I'm worried about you!" Of course, now I am worried I really am going cuckoo and he's not going to support me if I ever do have a psychotic break or something. That probably sounds dramatic, but that's just how my anxious brain works...sigh.
I should also mention I'm 6 weeks pregnant, so I'm sure hormones are making all of my anxiety feelings stronger right now. And of course, I have a ton of anxiety over baby #2, which I won't delve into here.
Anyway, anyone got some encouragement for me? Thanks in advance ❤️
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Over the last year or two I've struggled with a lot of existential anxiety. I used to stress about more "normal" things, like losing a loved one, failing, or health issues. But I've graduated to feeling anxious about all the mysteries of the universe, those things I truly cannot solve and just have to accept. I guess that's the hardest thing for those Of with GAD: accepting that we don't have control over everything and are surrounded by unknowns. It's funny, but my new existential anxiety makes me think of the movie "Men In Black", when Tommy Lee Jones says, "The stars....I never just look at them anymore". It's like I can't just accept life as what I see in front of me now; I'm always attaching some deeper meaning (usually negative) to it. So frustrating!
Anyway, last night I was feeling anxious about the concept of what happens after we die, so I decided to share this with my husband. He is the strongest, least anxious person on the planet, so he really doesn't understand why I think so deeply and overanalyze everything. I told him that I know I overthink these things and I'm afraid they're gonna send me into a state of psychosis (because that's my other big fear---"going crazy"). Instead of comforting me with a "Oh hush! You're fine! What you're thinking about is something a lot of people think about!", he took the route of "Wow! You're really thinking some strange things. I'm worried about you!" Of course, now I am worried I really am going cuckoo and he's not going to support me if I ever do have a psychotic break or something. That probably sounds dramatic, but that's just how my anxious brain works...sigh.
I should also mention I'm 6 weeks pregnant, so I'm sure hormones are making all of my anxiety feelings stronger right now. And of course, I have a ton of anxiety over baby #2, which I won't delve into here.
Anyway, anyone got some encouragement for me? Thanks in advance ❤️
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk