Just feeling down today

[Autumnx1003]

It's been awhile since I posted here in NMP. I have a lifelong history with GAD and its ugly cousins, depression and Pure-O. I won't go into my history Bc I feel like that would take days, and probably boring for anyone to read. But I just wanted to post for some supportive feedback to the way I presently feel.

Over the last year or two I've struggled with a lot of existential anxiety. I used to stress about more "normal" things, like losing a loved one, failing, or health issues. But I've graduated to feeling anxious about all the mysteries of the universe, those things I truly cannot solve and just have to accept. I guess that's the hardest thing for those Of with GAD: accepting that we don't have control over everything and are surrounded by unknowns. It's funny, but my new existential anxiety makes me think of the movie "Men In Black", when Tommy Lee Jones says, "The stars....I never just look at them anymore". It's like I can't just accept life as what I see in front of me now; I'm always attaching some deeper meaning (usually negative) to it. So frustrating!

Anyway, last night I was feeling anxious about the concept of what happens after we die, so I decided to share this with my husband. He is the strongest, least anxious person on the planet, so he really doesn't understand why I think so deeply and overanalyze everything. I told him that I know I overthink these things and I'm afraid they're gonna send me into a state of psychosis (because that's my other big fear---"going crazy"). Instead of comforting me with a "Oh hush! You're fine! What you're thinking about is something a lot of people think about!", he took the route of "Wow! You're really thinking some strange things. I'm worried about you!" Of course, now I am worried I really am going cuckoo and he's not going to support me if I ever do have a psychotic break or something. That probably sounds dramatic, but that's just how my anxious brain works...sigh.

I should also mention I'm 6 weeks pregnant, so I'm sure hormones are making all of my anxiety feelings stronger right now. And of course, I have a ton of anxiety over baby #2, which I won't delve into here.

Anyway, anyone got some encouragement for me? Thanks in advance ❤️


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[Buster70]

Hi , I get the same thoughts but they do come and go , mine first popped up when I tried some drugs when I was young , it kind of opened a can of worms that I've been trying to get back in for nearly thirty years but there have been years on end that I've led a normal
Life with kids and now grand kids , five years ago I tried anti depressants which started it all off again I had pretty much a psychotic break within ten days of starting them I thought at the time I had gone insane but my doctor and crisis team talked me back down and some sleep with meds did help , I still don't like to look at the sky at night for too long as do over think it , some things we are just not able to understand I think that's why a lot turn to religion but I can't quite find that faith either , I just try to be decent person treat people the way I'd like to be treated and do a good deed every now and then , take care and you are definitely not alone in the way you think , ps good luck with the baby .:hugs:

[Autumnx1003]

Thank you for reading my post and replying :) I appreciate the virtual hugs!
I have only tried ADs twice---Prozac---at a subclinical dose of 10mgs. Didn't feel effects either time (probably Bc of the low dosage), but was too afraid to bump up. Sometimes I want to try again, but I guess I just don't have full confidence in the effectiveness of drugs. I like knowing my body is free of drugs, even though I feel like crap, which is kind of strange, I suppose. Oh well lol

I'm a Christian, but there are aspects of my faith with which I struggle. I see others who totally give their problems over to God and seem to have total confidence that He is there, but I still don't really know. I pray and I try to be faithful, but my anxious mind is ALWAYS questioning, so that makes it difficult. My husband is agnostic, so he doesn't help in that regard lol


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[florida94]

It's okay that you feel this way. Being pregnant, having a husband who is now slightly worried, and having your own crazy thoughts running around in your head..... no doubt you're a little lost and confused on where you're headed. It's okay that you're anxious....accept it...and its okay. You're still just a regular human being with ups and downs. It's alright to feel down every once in awhile.

However.....

It's important that you find ways to get out of this rut you may be feeling. Whatever that is, you need to let your mind know that you want what is best for yourself. You need to take control of your mind and be on the defense. When you know the anxious thoughts are coming, find those affirming words and phrases that you know will help calm your mind.

If there is anything in particular that you are worried about, come up with solutions that can allow for you to remedy the situation. Staying idle and not doing anything is the worst thing an anxious person can do.

Talk to somebody. Write out your feelings and thoughts. Watch a movie. Anything yo get yourself moving and not getting stuck on just replaying those horrid thoughts over and over again.

[snowghost57]

Well your hormones are way out of wack for one thing. But you will be ok, they will settle down. I have tried meds too and would rather live a life without them. As far as being a Christian I can relate. I prayed with tears in my eyes to get better. One preacher said God doesn't do things to you, he does them for you. So try and find the positive! When bad thoughts try to enter my head, I get up, go outside, watch youtube music video, anything to change my thoughts. It's hard at first but once you get into the habit of telling yourself, "I am not going down that road" it works. I even sometimes just say "brain shut the (&*&_* up! We can get better!

[Catherine S]

When you think about it, what happens after we die won't be in our control. What happens while we are still living is.

I read your advice on a thread today about anxiety and it made alot of sense. Just let it exist and don't fight it. It's really good advice. ..try to take it yourself Autumn. But don't forget that pregnancy hormones can be the devil to live with until much later in your pregnancy. I still remember the bad dreams those hormones gave me during my last pregnancy almost 30 years ago!

ISB ☺ x